Jenn's Reverie

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

First Day Jitters

Monday was Damian's first day in kindergarten!! No he didn't have the first day jitters, I DID! OH MY GOD! It was so much harder then I thought. Actually, I didn't think I was gonna have any problems. He did go to pre-school last year. He had homework every night, had to wear the uniform and so forth. But man Monday morning on my way home from work I started thinking about it and my eyes watered. I started thinking that he's not a baby anymore. Well, he'll always be my baby, just not a baby. Also that he's going into a part of the world without me. So it made me crazy! I guess it's because I was so happy and sad all at the same time. Happy that he's growing up and he's a big boy. Happy that he's happy, 'cause he's a big boy now! Sad because he's in a sense leaving me. And this little guy isn't afraid to go without mom. That makes me feel happy and sad too. Happy because he's so independent, yet sad because I want him to depend on me. Anyhow, so I got home at about 7:30 and my precious baby boy was still asleep. So I woke him up and reminded him that it was his first day of school. Not that he'd forgotten. He took a quick shower, I got him dressed and ready to go. He's so cute in his little uniform. Mind you, I say little because Damian is small for his age. Most if not all of his class mates are bigger then him. He gets it from his dad! So anyway, I asked him if he wanted me to take him to school or if he wanted to go with my mom (who works there), and he was like, "Nah, I'll go with Grandma. She has to go anyway." So I was feeling like, "but it's your first day?!" He said it didn't matter but said that I should get some sleep since I had worked all night. It seems to be his main concern that I be awake when he gets home from school. He understands that I work graveyard and I sleep during the day. So he wants me to be up when he gets home. And if I'm not up, he's sure to get me up. So he woke me up when he got home. He said his first day was great. I asked him if he'd made new friends. His response was something along the lines of, "no, I already know people." Alrighty then! He didn't have homework, which he had every night last year. Other then his nightly reading anyway. He gets out early all this first week because it's parent teacher conference week so I've been kinda tired. But it's gonna work out great once he's on a regular schedule. He'll be in school 'til almost four so I can sleep. It's like now when he gets home, I'm up with energy. So just these past couple of days we've done more then we had before. Working the day shift was rough on me. I was always too tired for anything when I got home. A lot of the time I'd pass out on the couch. He seems to be just as excited with my new schedule too. I get to put him to sleep before I go in to work and I get to wake him up and get him ready for school. On top of the new found energy I have when he gets home. Before, I wouldn't see him in the mornings. I never got to get him ready for school. I left home for work no later then 6am. So yeah, I'm really excited. I got passed the "my baby's growing up." He made me a poem with his handprint and a heart in the middle of the print. It's called the kissing handprint. It's telling me he's growing up and so forth. It is so cute. His little handprint came out perfect. It reminded us both of when we kiss eachothers hand, when he goes to Dad's for the weekend. He kisses my hand and I close it and save the kiss for later when I miss him. As do I kiss his and he saves it for when he misses me. So that was really cool. His teacher also sent him home with a little baggy and said it was for me. I opened it and inside was a cotton ball, a bag of tea, a tissue and a poem explaining what it was all for. It said something along the lines of. . .Your baby is growing up. Hold the cotton ball to remind you of the softness of his hands. Don't worry he's safe where he is. Wipe away your tears. You'll both be fine. We know he's growing up, but he'll be back home. So make yourself a cup of tea and relax. Those weren't the exact words. But that was the basis of the poem. Cool huh?! I thought it was kickass! Today was his second day. He doesn't like the short days because that means short recess. But he'll get over it. When I met with his teacher she said that she heard he had skills. Naturally, I concurred! She said she'd keep his great little mind spinning. So, I think he's in for a challenge. Which is great, because he needs one. I told her that it's the greatest having a gifted child. I also told her that it's hard because he's always bored. So she said she'd keep him busy. Although the other kids already contribute to that. Well, I'm sure I'll cry next year too. And probably when he starts junior high and high school. When he gets his license, when we share our first drink. When I meet his first girlfriend, when he tells me he's moving out. When he gets married and has children of his own. Ooof! That's a lot and a long ways to go. Yay! Well, time does fly, but there's so much more to come with it! Until next time. . .

Life really is good!

posted by Jenn Doll at 2:03 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 26, 2004

Do you. . .

Two hour long conversations on the phone,
Can't get you outta my mind
Baby, are you feelin' me feelin' you?
Everything you say and everything you do
Gets me lost in your days at a time
Tell me are you feelin' me feelin' you. . .

Feeling U, Feeling Me (Interlude) by Alicia Keys

posted by Jenn Doll at 4:34 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Lady In Red?

So this is the story. . . In November I am going with Angelo to his Military Ball. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Get all "see I told you so!" Or whatever. But anyhow, he invited me and I accepted. It's going to be in Vegas. I can't wait. I think it'll be fun. The last time I went to Vegas I was only about 15 years old. I went with my mom, her boyfriend, his daughter, my brother and Angelo. At that age we were too young to do anything, so we basically walked around Circus Circus looking for boys. Eddie and Angelo did their own thing, as did my Mom and Val. So now that I'm 25 (wow 10 years later) I'm sure there's much more to do! I'm really excited. And the really cool part is I get to wear a formal gown! Yay! I don't want to look like the good year blimp in a dress so I've been working out fiercly and watching what and how I eat. Lost 4 pounds already, yay! So anyway, he'll be wearing his "blues" along with the rest of the Marines. So in order to color coordinate, I need to go with the dark blue (and that I won't do, it's not my color), red, white and I could pull off black. So here's some dresses I like. I won't be ordering any of these, but these are they styles I'm looking for. First here's the style I'm sure I'll end up with and

Yay! I get to be Cinderella for a night. Er the lady in red or something!

posted by Jenn Doll at 3:36 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

And I elaborate. . .

So yeah, basically I made that last post sound a bit more interesting than what really happened. I went out with Nancy on Friday. We went downtown. I drove down there and parked in a parking structure. I ended up drinking so we called Mariah and she came and got us. We've left our vehicles in that structure numerous times. Many people do and go back for their vehicle the following day. Well, I left my car that night, as you may have guessed. Nancy took me for my car at about 9:30 that morning. She didn't drive up to the 2nd level where I was, she just dropped me off out front, she had somewhere to be and was running late. Anyhow, so I walk up to my car and I see that the little dent that was there previously looked bigger. As it did at times with the glare from the sun. But as I walked closer I noticed something on the driver door. I walk up to it and what is it smeared all over my driver door. . .blood!! Yes, I said blood. So I take a step back and notice that the dent is bigger and I'm kinda feeling "weirded." So I'm standing there with a blank mind for a minute before I start to realize that there's a big dent on my car and start getting all emotional. So I look around to see if there's anyone and just check out the rest of my car. I was thinking some asshole messed with my car. My first assumption was my son's, dad's girlfriend. But there was nothing else wrong with it. I drove to the gas station to wash off the blood and when I was washing it I noticed that it looked like it was smeard by somthing other then fingers, something like the back of someones head! It looked to me as though someone was sitting against my car and the back of their head was bleeding, which, I assume is where the dent came from. It was not a dent from another car. No paint, no scrathes, just a nice, clean dent. Oh about the size of, the back of someones head! Towards the bottom of the door, there was blood that had dripped. On the way to the gas station on-goers were looking at me like some psycho and trying hard to stare through my tinted windows. It really sucked. So now I have a dent in my car, which my brother tried making better today. He did get some of it out, but he also managed to crack the paint a bit. So, yeah. I've cried. That car has been nothing but bad luck since day one! Freakin' financed 28 grand for my very own "black cat," or Friday the 13th, or what have you. So that's that. . .

Don't drink and drive! And sorry to the poor guy/girl who got their head introduced to my rear end. Oh yeah, and you owe me a freakin' grand to get it fixed!!

posted by Jenn Doll at 1:36 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 19, 2004

Friday night creeps. . .

Went out Friday night. The night ended with blood on the door and the rear bashed in.

I'll elaborate later, until then use your imagination. . .

posted by Jenn Doll at 2:23 AM 0 comments

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Answer Me This

So you say I sound naive eh? Because I don't get why girls are jealous? Or that I believe that I can have platonic relationships. Naive am I? No. I just don't understand why people want to live in misery. Being that jealous leads to only misery. I guess I would just rather be happy. No, I'm not saying that I don't dwell on things. No, I'm not saying that I don't find myself being jealous. Yes, I dwell and yes, I have jealous notions, but I'd like to think that I try my best not to let these negative things interfere. So it's not that I don't really know these things, I just don't understand why people are the way they are. Why people want to live the way they do. So if you have the answer, Please let me know. . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:58 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Friendly Fallout

So how am I supposed to feel when I find out one of my "friends" doesn't trust me? I'm baffled at the thought. More so because I've never given this particular person any reason what so ever not to trust me. I'm not saying I've never messed up with one or two of my friends before, no I'm not perfect. And also I've never done anything to really hurt them. But that was long ago and not with this one. Anyhow, she is my friend and so is her boyfriend, whom I didn't meet through her. Her boyfriend is my best friends brother. Yeah, it's a small world or something. Anyhow, so he calls me yesterday 'cause he's bored and wants to hang out. I get up get ready and call him back and he says he doesn't know if he could do anything any more. I didn't even ask, I just had a feeling she didn't want him to. So we came to the conclusion that I would just go to his house and hang out. How'd she know you ask. Well it's not like it was supposed to be some big secret. It's not like we've never hung out without her before. So he told her. Well, I asked him if it was alright that I call her and he said, sure. So I call her and I get just what I expected, nothing! Why can't anyone just be honest anymore? I ask her over and over what's wrong, I finally told her that he told me she was upset. Her response, "he's dumb." I told her if she was uncomfortable for some reason to tell me. I asked her if she felt like all of a sudden she couldn't talk to me. She said she knows she can, but still I got nothing. So when she showed up to the house to pick up her car it was a shady feeling. He ended up leaving with her and I stayed and hung out with his brother. I'm really hurt by this. This all shocking and sudden to me. It reminds me as to why my best of friends have always been guys. I'm not saying she's jealous and maybe it's him she doesn't trust, but I don't know where it all came from. I may never know. So this little incident that has occurred 'caused a circle of friends some uncomfort. Yeah, I opened my mouth to the other friends. Why not? Hey I THOUGHT I was her friend, but I guess that's not the case. I'm sad, really really sad to find out that my "friends" think of me as they do. Does she know about my blogs you wonder, yeah she does. So she may come across this, she may not. If you do come across this, I'm sorry that you don't understand the concept of friend, especially when you know how I am when it comes to friends. True friends anyhow.
Until next time. . .

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

posted by Jenn Doll at 6:48 PM 0 comments

Monday, July 05, 2004

Happy 4th of July!

Um, woohoo? Or not really. I'm here at work. How fun can that be? I wish I was with my booboos :o(. He's with the "sperm donor." Or as Damian calls him, Dad. This evening when he comes home I'll light the few fireworks we have. Just him and I. It'll be fun. I took him to see Spiderman II. I got yelled at for it too! I kid you not, I had approximately 8 phone calls starting at least 3 days before it came out. All of which the person on the other end was asking if they could take Damian to see Spiderman. I told everyone yes! Hey, first come fist serve. Mariah and Adam called and said, "let's go now." So off we went. You can stop yelling at me now. Although I am sorry to my brother and sister-n-law (to be) because I had promised them since like a month ago. So you're wondering why everyone wants to take Damian? Well, as you may have it, Damian IS a real life Spiderman. And don't you try telling him different! Really, he can climb the walls in any house. I'll be walking out of the room down the hall way and I see something at the very top of the door way, guess who? Yup, Damian's little head sticking out, "hey mom!" He straddles the door way, both arms and feet and up he goes. He also holds on to the frame/trim around a door and up he goes. Now that one looks hard, but he does it with ease. Sometimes he straddles the hall way and we walk under him. It's too cute. The first time anyone sees him the initial reaction is lifted eyebrows and the "whoa" opened mouth. Damian's newest thing is head stands. He watches TV that way and I think at times meditates in that position. He starts kindergarten too! I think I'm gonna cry :(. I remember when I was little all my family or my parents friends saying, "they grow so fast!" I use to hate that. But wow how true it is when you have your own! I'm dumbfounded at the fact that he'll be 6 this year! Dude! Where did the other 5 years go?! I know, I know! I'm just getting started and blah blah. But hey, I can't wait to see my baby grow up and yet I never want him to. He says he wants to be this age forever. Smart little guy eh. Damian doesn't care to much for change. He understands it well and would rather have things stay as they are. Mostly family. He understands what death is. We lost my grandpa almost a year ago. And every now and then, out-of-the-blue Damian say's, "I miss my Grandpa Flores." Or when he passes a church he is reminded of him. I didn't take Damian to his funeral. I didn't know how he'd be. My nieces went, but I don't think they understood what was going on. The rest of my family said that Damian was too smart and he'd understand and would probably have a hard time with it. I agreed so I didn't take him. Sometimes I think I made the wrong choice. And other times I think I made the right one. Speaking of him being smart, his pre-school teacher said that she was going to write of letter recommending that he be tested for a gifted student. She said he is well above average and feels that he'll need a challenge. A couple of other teachers argued that he is too young. But the teachers who have had the pleasure of working with Damian say that he's capable of it all. When given the end of year test for pre-school children, he passed it with flying colors. The test consist of counting from 0-10, he counted to 150 when he finally got tired and asked the teacher if he could stop. It has the basic shapes, square, circle, triangle and rectangle. He threw in a diamond and an octagon. He said his ABC's without skipping any as well as annunciating them all appropriately. He is also able to determine upper-case and lower-case letters in the alphabet. The test for upper-case and lower-case is given to the first through fifth graders. And probably the one thing that made me so very happy and proud, he helped the kids not in his class and older with disabilities. He taught them how to play checkers. He helped with their hand eye coordination and also helps them say words appropriately. He did all this during times when he could have been at recess. I'm totally ecstatic that my child is a brain. It's hard though. He gets bored easily. The only toys he really cares for have to challenge him. For example, puzzles and TransFormers. Though he masters the TransFormers the same day. He doesn't care for movies much. He likes only animated stuff. Other then Spiderman of course! He's leaving for Ruidoso with my mom on Tuesday. He'll be gone 'til Friday. I hate it when he's gone that long :o(. But I can't go, I have to work. And Damian told Auntie Marylyn, "I'm anxious to go." So I wouldn't want to stop him. Not that I would. It just gets hard by about the 3rd day. Well, for being a single mother I'd like to say that I've done a good job. Well, my mom has too. She and I have raised him right! September 15, Damian's date of birth. He is my proof of my independence!
Until we meet again. . .

He get it from his momma!

posted by Jenn Doll at 7:19 AM 1 comments

Sunday, July 04, 2004


I guess all my talk about Angelo is giving people the wrong impression. It seems that it's thought that I'm "so into Angelo." Not only by the anonymous comment, but also by others that have told me something of the same sort. Well, I don't see why people jump to conclusions. It bewilders me how just because I speak of someone of the opposite sex, automatically that means I want or like him. That's just foul guys. Those that REALLY know me, know that since 9th grade my best and closest friends have been of the opposite sex. And to this day, it still works that way in my world. Most other guys say, well even if they are just friends they've wanted me at some point. Well that may be and maybe even vise versa, but doesn't mean that a platonic relationship can't exist. Let me tell you who Angelo is. Okay, my dad passed away it's been about 11 years now. My dad was old fashioned and he worked while mom stayed home and raised us three kids. My two brothers and myself. Anyhow, when he passed away my mom wasn't working and we couldn't pay for where we lived so we had to move in with my grandparents. There was seven of us living in this one house. Well, my mom went to school and got her GED and then she eventually became an education assistant (EA) in elementary schools. So our first place was an apartment. A very small apartment complex. Nice and cozy, we also had good neighbors. Angelo being one of them. Well during this time, both my brothers were having a hard time dealing with the death of my father. As were we all. Though we all dealt differently. My oldest brother went through a very bad depression, which in fact he still does to this day. I would keep to myself for the most part. Although, I didn't have a problem talking about it nor did my oldest brother. Well my second oldest brother, the middle child, didn't express any feelings. So it kind of had us worried. We knew that he was just a bomb waiting to explode. Which eventually happened. Anyhow, Angelo seemed to bring something out in him during these rough years without a father. He was a friend that my brother could yell at and Angelo never took it personal. My brother has a macho man attitude. Which in fact is just who he is. He can be an ass, but all in all he's a really good person. I think a lot of this results back to having to be without his father at the age of just 13. The age that I think is important for a boy to have his father and or a father figure. Well Angelo became a close friend of my brother at that time. And I'm sure it wasn't easy for him, but he stood by my brother through thick and thin. And even through all the chaos I'm sure my brother put him through, still he was there. When my brother became rebellious and wanted to move out, Angelo took him in. Angelo helped Eddie so much. Angelo also lived with us for a while. I don't remember exactly how long, but it was quite some time. I honestly believe that my brother would have gotten into some kind of mess if Angelo weren't there with him. Other then his girlfriend, Angelo is the only person I've known that my brother has ever confided in. Any of us can dot that with Angelo. He has a good ear. My family came to love Angelo as one of us. Sometimes I think that maybe my mom and grandparents like him more then us! Haha, it wouldn't be so bad, it is Angelo. So for those that ask, "who's Angelo?" I say he's family. I use to say he's "like" family. But the word "like" is irrelevant to my family and I. Just to throw in a little extra, not that he needs it, Angelo has also helped raise his brother, who has mental retardation. He'd do anything for his family. Which means myself and my family as well. The only bad part is some use to use him as a door mat. Well that was then, he's learned his lesson now. He no longer just lets people walk all over him. Anyhow, so he's basically a third brother to me. He saw what I went through with my son's father and was there for a lot of it. He's grown up with us as we have with him. I'd like to think he was meant to be in my brother's life to help him through things. Even to this day. Grandma always said that Angelo and I should be together. She always asks, "Jenn, when are you gonna marry Angelo?" Both of my brothers love him. And mom and grandma and grandpa. As do I. So when someone does Angelo wrong as Keri did, after all the good he brought to her, it pisses me off. As it does anyone who knows him. Well anyhow, Angelo went off and joined the Marine Cor. now he's in Iraq. We're all worried about him. Since he's been out there I've pretty much been his main contact. My brother doesn't like to write and just has me write what it is he needs to say. Angelo doesn't always make contact when he tries to call my brother. He knows I always have my phone with me and I get the messages passed. I'm also the only one that writes him. I heard a letter for someone fighting a war is a jewel for them. So I try when I can. I have never met his mom, he does keep contact with her as well. She and I have become to know and like each other during this time. We call each other and keep each other updated. I mean hey, one of our family members is out there. So when you finally get to have someone in your life that's not family by blood but by love, then maybe you'll know what it is I'm talking about. Especially, when everyday you wake up wondering if they're okay because they're fighting a war. Which in any case, many of you will not experience. Also, if you can't accept the fact that there REALLY are platonic relationships, well then hey, I think you might be missing out on the best of the best friend you may ever have had. Just ask JuanCarlos, Paul, Elias, Chris, or Angelo! They'll all tell you that it's possible. So for those of you that have had this misconception, a word of advice, think twice. But I will give you this. . .maybe you're thinking that I should date Angelo for a reason!
Until next time...

Don't jump to conclusion's, it'll get you no where!

posted by Jenn Doll at 8:56 AM 1 comments