Jenn's Reverie

So here I sit, yet another day at work. I'm sooo tired right now. It's unbearable. I didn't sleep today. I went home, showered, got Damian ready for school and off to court I went. Not for me, for Valerie. I went to be moral support. I'm glad I did. She was there because she put a restraining order on her husband, whom she hasn't been with for 3 years. So anyhow, I know the people that work over there, so it played in her favor. Detective Jesson walked in and I got to talking with her, and she ended up lending a helping hand. As did Deputy Martinez and the clerks there at Domestic Violence. Her husband was a bit emotional to see that I was with her. Oh well huh! That dumbass tested positive for weed and meth. So, it looks like FINALLY, after 18 years of being her bestfriend, her life is taking a turn in the right direction. Can I get an amen?! Again, I don't know what to blog about so this post will have random here's and there's. Bear with me. I talked to Angelo today. Turns out he's coming on Friday. Well, let me see. . .Adrian is here too! I was supposed to hang out with him Friday. Guess that's going to be fun. I was thinking, they could go out together and share war stories. Or is that a bad idea? I'm excited though. Angelo's party will be on Sunday. Speaking of which, remind me to call his mom! I've been procrastinating on that. I need to pack too. Well, not pack, but do all my laundry and such. 6 more days! Can you believe it?! It seemed like yesterday I was saying, "a month and half!" Maybe it was yesterday? What'd I do yesterday? I don't know what I did yesterday. Don't ask dumb questions! Sheesh! I need to go put Mariah's bed together tomorrow. No one has the skill like me! Haha. But really, I'm good with putting stuff together. I did my computer desk, my entertainment center, and lots of other things! Who needs a man?! (I do! I do!) So the last time some "men" got a hold of her bed, things were backwards and lose, some broken. So I had to break it down and put back together. Then I gloated forever. Or more like rubbed it in their face! Who wouldn't?! So it's my Friday! Woot woo! Or kinda woot woo. I have so much to do. It sucks. But then again, feeling short of time just may make these next 5 days fly! I need to really start thinking about what I want for a tattoo! Or I could do like usual and walk in, pick one of the wall, or out of a book. Yeah, that's what I'll do. That's one off my list. And I always said, "if I EVER get a tattoo, it WILL be original and not out of some book!" Yeah, showed you, didn't I?! All three of my tattoo's are out of a book! Well, except the star, but I mean my son could have done that one. Speaking of which, he got a mini Ninja for his birthday. (Dad buys his love.) And I finally got to see him riding it the other day. He looks so freakin' cute! He's pretty good too! It goes about 10 mph. But they had him riding without a helmet. Go dad! Dick. I don't know why he didn't get him one to begin with. So I NEED to get him one before I go. Or he'll be over there riding without one. So would you make a note of that, please? Oh yeah, and I have a haircut appointment on Monday at 3:30. Add that one too, if you would. Thanks. Okay, I'm back. Not that you knew I left. Stupid phone rang and I had to get up and pull a warrant. Man, I hate that. Yeah, it's my job, but so? I think I may result to solicitation. I hear those Guatemalan hookers do well. Think I could pass for one? Then I could be on a "Latina maids" porn site! Ass. Okay, I'm back again. I was watching MTV's "Boiling Points." I started out not liking that show, but now I don't mind it. I'm officially an MTV/VH1 rat! For real! I can't get enough. I like the "Surreal Life" and the "Real World." Though I'd have to say, that this Real World sucks compared to the last one. And I've become a fan of Flava Flav and his positive nature. Yeah, he's missing a few screws, but he's a good guy. Stupid Brigette keeps breaking his lil heart. Now that's a crazy bitch! Like Katie is. But Brig has it on you Katie, don't worry! Wow, this post is boring and all over the place. I'm feeling all sloppy! Maybe I need another shower? Maybe I need to work and not blog about nothing? MAYBE, I need a. . .um. . . I dunno. A something. So since you probably stopped reading like after the first sentence, guess I should go? Don't be so quick to agree. Jerk. Until next time. . .

"Someone's boring me. . .I think it's me."

But I don't feel good. And I wanna go home. And I don't wanna work. And I'm not hyper anymore. And yes I'm whining. And no I don't want cheese with it. And I want my mommy damnit! Hold me?

Going back to Cali, stylin, profilin Growlin, and smilin. . .
I'm going back to Cali, shakin 'em, bakin 'em. . .

8 days 8 days 8 days!

I can't wait!
Mariah can't wait!
Gabe can't wait!
Eric can't wait!
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!
Next week baby! Woot woo!

The bad part is, I'm so done here at work. I don't wanna work, I just wanna go! I work 2 nights after this. Then I'm off for 2, come back for 4 and I'm out. I don't get to sleep when I get off Wednesday morning, it's straight to the airport. But it's all good! So I decided that Mariah and I are gonna get "crunked" on the plane! Someone was telling us that 'you get drunk faster than normal on a plane.' Hell yeah! Mariah said, "No Jenn, you're controling!" I said, "Fuck yeah I am, so you're drinking!" She said, "okay." So that should be interesting. Seein' as I have NEVER drank during the day. Well, I've had ONE drink during the day, but I have never been drunk or even buzzed during the day. It's surprising to most, but it's true. And hey, the freaks come out at night! So tonight has been an interesting night! Probably because I've been so damn hyper and riled up! I got the girls (co-workers) going too. Been having some fun with all the dispatchers. One heard me singing in the background. Poor thing. She heard me singing, "And caaan yooou feeel the looove tooonight". . .I didn't realize Sharon was on the phone next to me. So then the dispatcher and I started reciting lines from the Lion King. Funtimes! Gabe and I had some prank call wars too. That was more fun-ness! I hung out with Mariah again today. That was cool. She moves in to her new apartment tomorrow and they're all upset that I can't be there to help. Her dad said, "Where's Jenn gonna be?!" Mariah told him, "She'll be asleep, Dad!" Dad then proceeded to yell at her and said, "She's the one who gets shit done! And tells everyone what to do!" Mariah responded with, "That's because she's a controling dyke!" Dad said that was good though! So eat it Mariah! Speaking of dyke, at Wal-Mart today, (yes my thrid day in a row, so what?!) Mariah called me a "gothic dyke," as always, it's her norm, and I yelled at her, "I am a dyke!" Not realizing the man standing there staring at me. Sweet! Yay for me being a pretend muff diver to the Wal-Mart customers! She talked to Gabe on the phone for a while too. Telling him how she was rubbing her nipple and stuff. I yelled out, "Whore!" She said, "I'm NOT a whore!" Then she said, "I'm not promiscuous!" Go Gabe! She's really not a whore, but I like to tell her on a consistancy that she is. You know, just to bust her bubble. Not that she cares, but it's still fun. Hmm. . .what else did I do today? Oh yeah, I slept for 8 hours! Don't hate, don't hate! I um, well. . .I dunno, but I don't want to work, so I want to blog and I don't know what to blog about! Blog! That word is horrible. Speaking of blogs, you're ALL a bunch of slackers! Gabe doesn't comment anymore, nor does Bill. Whom both have not updated. Speaking of no updates, Eric's king of that at the moment. Katie's keeping up. She's in college and everything! Busy being an underage college alcoholic and she still puts you boys to shame! Go white girl, go white girl, go! Katie, I miss you hobag! Sheesh! I'll have to give you a ring from Cali so that you could wish you were there. I'm a good friend like that! Bill, how's Grandma? You really should keep us up to par with that, because Katie and I really do care. So when you get a chance, let us know. Mishy, we can talk about boys in libraries all we damn want. So what if our readers get bored! It's my blog! Or same for yours. Eric, can you please get on it? I mean, update your stuff, it'd be nice. Gabe, speaking of updates, you started a story on your blog and left us hanging! That's just not nice. So would you, could you, finish it? It's like a movie you only see the beginning of and want to know what happens but lightning strikes and bam, no tv. Man that sucks! Boko, I don't know you, but you've left me a few random comments. If you're here, hook me up with some more art, or cute daughter stories! You guys need to keep me entertained! Or no, you don't, but I'm asking nicely! :D Okay, I've officially killed this post, bye now! Who else reads this thing?! Who are you?! Where did you come from?! "

And caaan yooou feel the loooove tonight. . .

Chelle, nope, you're not a library stalker. I was JUST reading your blog when I got a comment from you on mine. What a coinky-dink. I was only going to comment back, but I thought that this would be a fun post. Well, for me anyhow. Anyway, I don't go to libraries, but I can stay at Barnes 'N Nobles for hours on end! Which, I guess is the same. I've yet to see an attractive guy there. Maybe I go at all the wrong times. But I definately feel you on wanting to meet someone there. It does say a lot for them. I used to go with my ex ALL the time. The funny part is, he was the one reading about the the 5.7 liter TransAm WS6! All in all, even though he's the dumbest guy I've yet to meet. He was really smart! Make sense? And his smarts came from the fact that he was ALWAYS reading. Whether it'd be a magazine (which it was in most cases) or a manual. Yeah, I said a manual. He used to read car manual's. Anyhow, it's interesting to see what others are reading about, too. My head's always buried in something different. No novels. If I'm going to read a novel, it's going to be at home. When I go to Barnes 'N Noble, I like to order my Starbucks Caramel Frapuccino (extra carmel, please) and I like to advance over ever so graciously to the "sexual section." Haha, just kidding. Although, I found myself there once, reading a book on sexual position's. I continued to read until I saw positions that were frightening. I mean, if some guy attempted to get me into any of those positions I'd probably freak out and run away, naked! So I discontinued the reading, to take a few breaths and take it all in. I was in a sexual stupor as to how people figured that stuff out. Well I seem to have strayed, which is is very normal for me. Anyhow, I like to read non-fictional stuff. History, mainly because in school, I paid it no mind. Other than Hitler, I cared not. And it's only because I had to do a play, "The Diary of Anne Frank," and I was Anne Frank. So I had no choice. I was there for hours once, lost deep in the soul of WWII. There's an awesome book that has WWII from day one, to its ends. It HUGE, but truly amazing. I find myself reading lots of war stories. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that we are at war now, and I've had loved ones out there. I also read a book that had letters from war. That may even be the name of it. I read one that had men from all the wars who have received medals of many kinds. I've yet to find myself in the magazine section. Which is weird, because I like magazines, too. Well, I guess it's when I'm getting my hair done, or waiting somewhere. I've found myself paying mind to what others are reading, as I mentioned before. I don't like to see a guy reading "Beautiful Homes & Gardens," or some Martha Stewart. Yeah, I know, I could be looking at it like he's doing some remodeling. But still. . .take the book book home! I don't mind seeing a man read about cars though. Or motorcycles. Rawr! And I don't mean a damn Ninja or something like that, I mean a REAL bike, a Harley baby! Though I'd admit, the Ninja's are hott, too. I would say that ingeneral, it is nice to see a guy in a book store. So, I know that I'm not supposed to answer you, but no. . .I don't think you're a nerd at all. You are a hott girl, who is smart. Every "normal" mans dream. I think it makes sense. I'm sure that a guy would feel the same way. Hence, "someone" telling me that you're like hott librarian. I think a guy with a brain wants a girl with a brain. Someone with mind to have an opinion. Someone who can agree to disagree. I think anyone who reads wants to expand their mind. And there's no stimulation like mind stimulation. I can't express that enough. That's also why I think you're a great person. You say some very thought provoking things and that's great. I like my mind to spin and be challenged. And you do that. So, I think you should keep going to the library. Both for you and to meet some cool people. It's probably an easy conversation starter when you can question or comment on the book that they have, too! I have mentioned before that I love me some good sarcasm. I think that funny and or sarcastic people have to be quick witted and smart. That'd be one of the reason's I admire a good comedian. The word smartass say's it all! You can be a good at that too! Katie and Bill own at it, but whatever! That's why they're so cute together! Quit being mean to me guys! Well, I think I've probably bored you to death, so until next time. . .

"Readers are plentiful: thinkers are rare."

9 days guys and counting. . .

*A toast. . .to Bill, in celebration of his 24th year of life, here on earth. Previous to this, he lived on Jupiter. (You know, where boy's get stupider. He came here, and i'ts only getting worse.) Also, just to let you all know, Katie and I called Bill and we sang happy birthday to him, well. . .he said, "It's not today yet! That's lame!" Yeah, you're welcome Bill. Sheesh! Anyway, Happy Birthday Bill! CHEERS, you old fart!

*Also, a toast. . .to Eric, in celebration of his new Silverado! SCORE! That's a great feeling. You get to wake up for the next few weeks to a month, and be like, "Oh yeah! I have a new truck!" Then you'll drive to nowhere, just to enjoy it. Niiiice! I really am happy for you. And more so because you're going to pick us up in it! Sweetass! Can I drive?! Can I drive?! I kid! I kid! CHEERS, burn 'em baby, burn 'em!

*To Mariah. . .(She doesn't read this, but that's okay. It's the thought that counts, no?) in celebration of her new apartment! Not that she doesn't have one right now, but she's moving on to bigger and better things! I think. . .I mean, she decide to live in the same apartment complex as Ross and Swampthing, and LOTS of other people we know. That should be interesting. Mariah, don't forget to leave me a "space." For my toothbrush and stuff. You always have, don't leave me out now. I just couldn't take that! Congratulaions Mami, CHEERS to new beginnings and male roomates that won't hit on your boyfriends!

*To Cristina (who also doesn't read this). She's a star! She was one of those hott Mexican girls dancing on the spanish channel. You know. . .the channel all you boys watch and have absolutely no clue what they're saying, but the beautiful girls blow you out of the water?! Yeah, she was one of them. She had to audition with hundreds of others, and she made it! She tore it up, too! She was on the show called Caliente! And she is muy caliente! Congratulations, Bella! CHEERS, to the love of dancing!

*To Simon and Audra. . .who are recently pregnant, as well as recently engaged! I'm so happy for you guys. It makes me smile knowing you guys are doing so well. I can't wait to see you guys. God bless you both and your baby! Congratulations! CHEERS, to precious moments and new beginnings!

*To Adrian, who is back from Ubekistan. (I'm almost sure that's where he was. I know it's something-istan.) Thanks for serving our country. You had to go through 3 months of being confined to one area, bad food, fixing planes all the time, and no girls, for "us"! I'm glad you're back! CHEERS, to your return!

*Last but definately not least. . .to Angelo, who made it safe home, from "the War." For making it through the "worst" times in Fallujah, for making it through all of it. For enduring the pain, suffering and hell you went through for "us." Thank you for serving our country. We love you! I can't wait to see you! God blessed you and your loved ones, and brought you home to us. Now you can start over. CHEERS, to your safe return and new beginnings!

*Finally, to life!

I shall take a shot in celebration for you all and your happiness. I probably won't remember after how fun the celebrating was, but at least you know, I drank to you! CHEERS! HERE, HERE!

Also, I just have to let you know, how freakin' excited I am to get to California! I get to spend another 5 kickass days with Gabe. Not to mention, his best friend and mine. Mariah hadn't really expressed her excitement much, but today we sat down at Hooters, just her and I, and just talked and watched the game. We hadn't done that in a while. It was really kickass. I mentioned to her that we leave in 11 days, and got the jaw dropping, "Already?!" I was like, "Yeah! That's the freakin' week after next!" So I started talking about it. After we left, I was at Wal-Mart, (Yes, Gabe. . .AGAIN! Shush.) and she called like, I don't even know how many times. . .asking, what time we leave, what are we doing the last day, when do we get back, and so on. She said, "I'm excited!" Which, then got me all worked up, too. So YAY! We're all excited! I'll definately post about it when I get back and recover. And hopefully I can get some pics on here. Again, I can't wait! I still can't find some freakin' jeans, though. I don't know that I can handle ONE more day of shopping. Ugh, that's no fun. BUT, a "Jenn girly moment" for you (a rare moment, damnit), I found a pair of Steve Madden boots for $30 bucks! The same damn pair I was fixing to pay anywhere from $90-$150 for. That was a win for me. In the words of Katie, fuck yeah bitches!

Some extras for you. . .
*Gabe made me happy . He got Damian a birthday gift! How sweet is that?! Thanks babe!
*Thanks to Bill, I'm hooked on ebay. (Bill sounds as white as Katie.)
*Katie's gonna send me Ashlee Simpson! Woot woo! And I'm gonna be a hippie (damn Jay), and send her some hemp jewelry. I'll make them special, okay Katie?! Much love, hobag! (Katie says, blAg!)
*I hear that Chelle/Mishy's a "Goddess." And you remind someone of a "hott librarian." I agree! Rawr baby! Love ya, girl!
*Oh and FYI, the picture on my profile, I'm not the one who blacked out everyone elses eyes, damnit Katie!

I'm going to start some countdowns. . .

We leave for California in 10 days, and counting. . .
Angelo comes home to his family in 8 days, and counting. . .
Audra's having a baby in like 7 months, and counting. . .
Katie turns 21 in like a year, and counting. . .
Ross pays me child support in my next life, and counting. . .(He won't, but I can pretend.)

Much love, until next time. . .

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when. You can only decide how you're going to live, now."

Okay, so I was wanting to do this post right after I did the one of things that make me happy, BUT I'm thee absolute biggest procrastinator you will EVER meet. I swear! People yell at me about it all the time. I try to fix it, but it's in the blood. No really, it is. Anyhow, here are some of my pet peves. In no particular order. The way I see it, if it bugs me, it bugs me.

• When someone starts to say something and doesn't finish what they're saying. I mean, come on, don't start to say it at all then! And don't freakin' say "I was gonna say something, but nevermind." What is that shit?! When people do this I wanna ring their neck and watch them lose air. . . slowly. For real, don't do this!
  
• When someone says something like, "just like a woman," or "women, I swear." You shitheads, I AM a woman! I WILL do women stuff! Like have a period or maybe a child. DO NOT compare me to "women." I don't compare you and say shit like, "all guys cheat," or "just like a man." If you do something stupid, it's because YOU do something stupid. Not because "men" or "women" do that particular thing stupid. It's also being put into a category. I am who I am! So don't put me into a freakin' category! Especially with women. I think girls are stupid! Haha, that'd be me categorizing females. But I can, so shush. Yeah, yeah, I got your double standard right here!
  
• When someone smacks their mouth when they eat. Close your mouth man, it's not that hard. That is one hell of an annoying sound.
  
• Guys that smack my ass and think I'M the bitch after I let them know they fucked up! I mean, who the fuck are you, loser?! It's my ass, and no one gave your sorry ass permission to touch me! I do have a level of respect for myself, that would not be the level. When I hit the guy or yell at him, I'M a stuck up bitch??!! Help me make sense of this, please?! Point blank, don't touch me! Unless I've touched you first, or have let you know it's okay. And smiling at you in a club does not mean it's okay jackass. It's just a friendly gesture.
  
• When someone asks a question during an arguement, and then starts answering it for you. Don't ask if you know it all! If this is a phone conversation, I will hang up on you after the 2nd time you've done this. Strike 3 you're out? No way, you've been warned the first time.
  
• Being called Jenny! I shouldn't even be putting this one, because one of you will do it thinking it's funny. Well I have news for you, I really don't like it, and it's NOT funny. This seriously irritates the shit out of me. I WILL ignore you until you can be a big boy/girl and call me by my name, or Jenn is fine. Or even a nickname, if you have one for me. My name is NOT Jenny!
  
• Being called Mexican. I am not from Mexico, nor is any of my family. I am Hispanic thanks. I have many Mexican friends and I love them. I do tend to make fun of my culture and use the Mexican phrase. But that's okay, 'cause it's funny. I don't care if you say it jokingly, I'd probably laugh and agree. But I hate when it's someone arguing with me about what my ethnicity is. Go draw yourself a family tree and leave me alone! I don't even speak spanish fluently. Most Hispanics don't speak it at all. I think that should be a pre-requisite to being Mexican. Oh yeah, and George Lopez owns. If you're any kind of spanish, you can relate to him well. So check him out.
  

Here are a couple of little pet peves that I think are funny. . .

• Ryan from the new Surreal Life. Sally herself needs to stop thinking she's all that. And she isn't that pretty. Jordan too. He needs to get up on that treadmil, Fatty McKnight! Haha, thanks for that one Katie!
  
• Bill in his pansy-ness! Pick up the phone! For real, Friday is D-Day. That IS your ultimatum!
  
• Drunk guys calling me non-stop, even after I've hung up on them and said no. If I gave you my number, I was drunk. I know this because I don't give out my number. If I haven't answered or called you back after the 10th time you've called, or the first week, you should be getting the point by this time.
  
• When someone asks, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" What do want from me? "Well. . . um. . . I don't have a boyfriend because I've already slept with everyone. I ran out." Dude! If I knew why I didn't have a boyfriend, don't you think I'd make it so where I would? Or maybe, I just don't want one. Maybe I do?! Any volunteers?! Katie, not you either damn it.
  

Anyhow, what are your pet peves or dislikes? Make the comment option on here useful! If you're here, comment damn it! Or I mean, please! I like to know that my blog has been read. It's fun. Anyhow, love you all. Until next time. . .

Don't wanna shoot nobody, don't wanna be shot Don't wanna buy nobody, don't wanna be bought Don't wanna bury nobody, don't wanna be buried Don't wanna marry nobody, if they're already married.

On my way to work tonight I was listening the the "Quiet Storm." As I usually do. And this really old song came out that I haven't heard in ages! I found myself singing the lyrics, not only to the chorus but the entire song. I start thinking to myself, how the hell do I still know all these words?! I find that I'm good with that. If I've ever known the lyrics to a song, I will always know the lyrics to that song. Whether it's been months or years since I've heard it. I started getting confused and questioning my memory. I mean, I can't freakin' remember what color of underwear I put on in the morning! I meet someone and have to ask them their name a million times before I finally get it. I remember back when I had a brain cell, I remember anybody's and everybody's name. I was and still am good with numbers. I can memorize a number after hearing it only once. Ever since the great invention of cell phones though, I don't ever see anyone's number. I just scroll to the name and hit call. So don't expect me to remember your number k. Or your name at that. Like there's this one person I talk to, and I can't remember his name, and I don't want to tell him that. He say's, "I have a name you know." I just say, "I know." I mean, should I tell him? He's not someone I talk to all the time or have some kind of special relationship with or one at all. Maybe I should just ask. I don't know. Anyway, so maybe having a 6 year old son contributes to the fact that I have a memory loss now. I'm seriously so bad now. It's not my fault when I have something to say, right when I'm gonna say it I forget. I mean, if I call your name, say what the first time. Because if not, chances are when you do acknowledge me, I won't have anything to say. Some of my friends say, "well, it must not have been important then." The sad part is, when I finally remember, it IS something important. Every time too. It never fails. So to my friends that I see and hang out with regularly, it's not that I don't want to remember, it's that I really can't. I promise I love you! For real! Quit yelling at me! If you want me to damn remember, buy me a damn notebook and I'll write it down. But I'll probably forget where I put the notebook. What was I saying? I dunno, until next time. . .

Do you know enough to know the way. . .

Okay, so I called everyone I could possibly think of. Now I have no one left to share this insane excitement with! So I'll just babble here! DUDE! Do you understand this?! A loved one is back from the fucken war! He made it! And he's coming home! He gets to see his daughters and mom and his family and my brother and me and my family! We don't get to see him for another month, but then he'll be here for 9 days. Sad thing is I'll be gone for 5 of them. I'll be in California. But the happy part to it, is that he's done! With the Corp. Yup, in December he's outta there! No more war. He doesn't have to serve a 2nd tour. Which I think Simon may have to :( And Simon and Audra are having a baby! And they're engaged too! So if you will, say a prayer that Simon doesn't have to go back. Thank God for bringing Angelo home alive and safe! And we still have to pray for the soldier's out there or going back. Oh, and Angelo gave me this computer too. He's too big hearted. I don't know if I can accept it. Who cares, he's home! That's all that matters! SCORE!! Life's good. Even the downs of it. It gives our minds chanllenges. It makes us think and analyze stuff when he get to a bump in the road. It makes us appreciate the good things. Big and small. Again, life's good. And we shouldn't take ANY of it for granted!

Not here, in Albuquerque. But in the states! He's no longer in Iraq! Made my day! I'm really happy right now!

Okay, so I'm gonna steal/jock/jack whatever you want to call it, Katie's idea. She did a post with things that make her happy. I think it's cute, so I'm gonna be unoriginal and steal it! If you're gonna take a tone with me talking about how I shouldn't jock, shut up and tell someone who cares! Let me be happy damn it! Anyway, here are things that make me happy. . .

1. My son, Damian
   
2. Family
   
3. Dancing
   
4. Music
   
5. Text messages (Yes, text messages! You wouldn't understand!)
   
6. Someone who can make me laugh/smile
   
7. Making someone laugh/smile
   
8. Being loved or liked
   
9. Accidently overhearing someone likes me or thinks I'm pretty (shut up, it's cute)
   
10. The cold side of the pillow
    
11. Cold showers
    
12. Splurging on stuff I don't need
    
13. Buying others stuff
    
14. Surprises (But only if you don't tell me there's a surprise first!)
    
15. Getting my back tickled
    
16. Sleeping without waking up a 100 times
    
17. Wearing hoodies in the winter
    
18. A good book
    
19. A good movie
    
20. A new tattoo or piercing
    
21. Boys with tribal's, rawr!
    
22. Pretty or deep eyes
    
23. A pretty smile
    
24. Slow jams
    
25. Audioslave
    
26. Being recommended a cd and liking it
    
27. Mind stimulation, being challenged
    
28. A good work-out
    
29. Buying Damian stuff
    
30. Christmas
31. Nicknaming someone and everyone calls them by it
32. Having a nickname
33. Wal-Mart
    
34. Cute animals, I want a puppy!!
    
35. Tigers
36. Vacations
    
37. My computer, that's not really mine.
    
38. Knowing someone reads my blog
    

What makes you happy?. . .

Lay your head on my pillow
Here you can be yourself
No one has to know what you're feeling
No one but me and you
I won't tell your secrets
Your secrets are safe with me
I will keep your secrets
Just think of me as the pages in your diary

I feel such a connection
Even when your far away
If there's anything that you fear
Call 615-xxxx and I'll be here
I won't tell your secrets
Your secrets are safe with me
I will keep your secrets
Just think of me as the pages in your diary

And only we know what is talked about
I don't know how you can be driving me so crazy boy
Baby when you're in town
Why don't you come around
I'll be the loyalty you need
You can trust me. . .

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live for the fame
Some people live for the power
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it aint you baby
If I aint got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I aint got you

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it aint you baby
If I aint got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I aint got you. . .

Damian's birthday party went good. A lot of people didn't show because it was really last minute, but there was still quite a few. Lots of happy little rug rats having fun, which made me enjoy my time. The sperm donor didn't show. I called his mom before the party and she said she was going to be there. I asked if Ross was going and she said, "no, he said you told him not to." I usually try to explain myself to her, but instead I just said, "I didn't say that, but whatever." So then I had Damian call him and thank him for showing his love. He called me back and I didn't answer. He left a message with some jibberish and blah blah hibbidy hoo blah's, trying to say I'm a little girl. Yeah! 'Cause he's a man! Watch out there big boy! So I just sent him a text saying, "Haha, go to hell loser. You have your two sons [their son and her's] there with you. Now leave US alone." And I never told him not to go. After our last conversation when he said he wanted to do nothing for Damian's birthday, two day's later Damian was at the birthday party of her son. Not the son her and Ross have together either. So Ross managed to throw a party for someone else's kid. So when I heard I sent him a text saying, "You say you don't want to have a birthday party for Damian? But you have one for Isaiah? Damian WILL have a party! And YOU don't have to be there thanks." But whatever. Anyhow, he got some cool gifts. My grandma [his great] took him and got his hair cut so he could look so fresh 'n so clean. [Again, because the sperm donor won't cut his hair, but he'll cut his gf's son.] He got an oversized SpiderMan ball, some suave boots and a tight Fila jacket. He got a remote control airplane, a huge super soaker, a HUGE TransFormer (eat your heart out Andrew), the movie Bruce Almighty, some cash and a broken hand! Yup, a broken hand. Earlier that day he was at my grandma's and I guess he was trying to climb a fence and fell. He caught all his weight on his left hand. I wasn't with him, but my mom had called and told me. Damian will cry when he hurts himself but he gets over it quick. She said he had complained about it hurting. When he got home it was kind of swallon so I gave him some Motrin and wrapped it. He didn't complain about any further pain, not even at his birthday party. He was able to move it and it didn't look worse at the end of the day, so I thought I'd wait to see how it was in the morning. Well, it was fatter and bruised. He said it didn't really hurt him though. But I took him in to be seen. X-ray's showed that he had broken it in two places. Right above the wrist. So in the morning we're off to the hand specialist. They can't do much at the Urgent Care for these things. But they put him in a splint and a sling. Naturally, as kids are, he was like "Cool!" As was his new little friend Lorenzo that was with us. So his actual birthday is Wednesday and he'll be in a cast. Eeeh boys! I'm just glad it wasn't too bad. It could have been worse. He's my little soldier. I love him so much! Ross FINALLY called to see how he was. I didn't tell him he had been hurt, so I guess his mom did because she saw it at the party. I also didn't tell him that it was broken. But his mom again had called to check on him so I let her know. None of Ross's side of the family showed to the party either. Which is VERY strange. But come to find out, they're having Ross's baby baptized this coming weekend, so I can guarantee they're going to have a double celebration. Which they know I hate. For the simple fact that I want Damian to be raised with the love he already has so much of. With moral and value. Not, "Mom and dad can't get along for me." Or, "I have to have separate parties because people are hateful." But Ross is making this very difficult for me to do. He can really break my spirit. But then I look and Damian, and I see that he's such a happy, smart, loving, and caring soul, at just the age of almost 6. He's stronger then even Ross is. He feels the tension, he sees the harshness of it, but still he remains positive and high spirited. So, in the end Ross will have to answer because Damian will know. I just hope that Damian doesn't learn his value's of being a man, a father and a role model for his children from Ross. I hope that he looks for the postive, in every situation, no matter what it may be. I hope that he respects people for who and what they are. That he sees the glass as half full instead of half empty. That one day, Ross will look back and hurt for the pain he's caused. I know that there's always room for change and forgiveness. I'm tired of forgiving, but I have to for Damian. As for the change, I can only pray that it'll come soon or at all. Life's too short and there's just not enough time for me to waste it dwelling on the fact that Ross isn't the father he can be. So I'll just remember, Damian is fine with me and those that surrond him with love. I gave him life and I'll help carry him through it. . .

It's funny how they say some things never change. . .

Okay, so I've been going cd crazy! I never used to spend a lot of money on cd's, but for about the past 3 months I can't stop! It's like on payday, I'm off, to the record store I go. My new thing is buying cd's that other people like. Cd's that they compliment and really love. My reason's for this is to check out varieties. I also think it's great to listen to music my friends like. It gives me an idea of who they are and what they like. Most of the cd's that I've been recommended I've really liked. Or actually all of them. The one's I've bought that I don't like are my fault. I tend to be in a record store for hours at a time and I usually end up leaving with something I've never heard of. Gabe was telling me that he finds new bands by reading on them. I find them by wasting my money on their cd! Not too long ago I bought "Flaw." I heard about 20 seconds of every track and thought it sounded like I'd like it. Um, well I was wrong! One track is bearable, other than that, it's a no go. This week I bought 2 Ryan Adam's cd's. "Rock N Roll," which I don't like, and "Heartbreaker". I also got Bjork's "Medulla." This is an album with some talent. I got it because it was recommended. I've never listend to Bjork much, and the music isn't something in my usual nature, but I do like it. Her voice is amazingly pretty and different. Also, the voice beats are great. So check it out. The last cd I bought that I just totally fell in love with was Audioslave (self titled). I can not express how much I love this band! The cd is just freakin' awesome and it's been ages since I bought a cd where I liked every track! That's right, every damn track! Really, I don't care if you don't like them. I listen with my ears, not yours, so it doesn't matter if your ears don't like it! I can't play this cd out. I just love to work-out to it when I'm at the gym, it gets me all worked up. Everyone should have this album in their collection. www.audioslave.com I love Chris Cornell's voice (he owned with Soundgarden too), and I mean c'mon, the band is Rage! What more need I say?! Not too long ago I bought 30 Seconds To Mars, also recommended. These guys rock! It's a great album, I really do recommend it. They have some awesome beats and the vocals own. www.thirtysecondstomars.com Another good site for some band music and info. is www.immortalrecords.com . I've also download some Poison the Well, and I liked. Some Atreyu, I also liked. I was surprised that I liked me some hardcore. Go me! Anyway, here's what my cd collection consists of, so you get an idea of my music. . .

-Portishead (self titled)
-Nickelback "The Long Road"
-The White Stripes "Elephant"
-Janes Addiction "Nothing's Shocking" and "Ritual de lo Habitual"
-The Police "Every Breath You Take"
-Pixies "Doolittle"
-Sonic Youth (self titled)
-GNR "Appetite For Destruction"
-Johnny Cash "Super Hits"
-Elvis Costello (self titled) and "This Years Model"
-Leonard Cohen "I'm Your Man"
-Nirvana "Nevermind" and "In Utero"
-Van Halen "Best Of" and "1984"
-Led Zeppelin (self titled)
-Stone Temple Pilots "Purple"
-Pearl Jam "Vitalogy"
-Eagles "Greatest Hits" and "Hell Freezes Over"
-Korn "Issues"
-Santana "Supernatural"
-Alicia Keys "Songs in A Minor" and "The Diary Of Alicia Keys"
-Genuine "The Bachelor" and "The Senior"
-Prince "Purple Rain"
-Mariah Carey "Greatest Hits"
-Ludacris "Chicken and Beer"
-D'Angelo "Brown Sugar"
-Justin Timberlake "Justified"
-Eminem "The Eminem Show"
-Outkast "Speakerbox," "The Love Below"
-Limp Bizkit "Signifcant Other"
-Many, many different oldie mixes
-LOTS of "Cumbia's and Salsa's" to include Selena
[My mom and her boyfriend are dj's that do really well out here. They play weddings, graduations and lots more. So I have an advantage with the all the spanish stuff. The Ranchera's, Cumbia's and Salsa's. Also with all the hip hop. They're dj's, they have to keep up with all the good stuff. So I'm lucky when it comes to that.]

Here's my wish list. . .(yes, I carry a wishlist in my wallet!)
-Prince "Musicolgy"
-Scorpions "Greatest Hits (3 dics)"
-GNR "Greatest Hits"
-Bon Jovi "Greatest Hits"
-Portishead "Dummy"
-Deftones "Pony"
-Black Label Society
-Alice In Chains
-Static X
-Drowning Pool
My problem is I always walk out with something other than these! I'm a dork, I know.

So anyway, now you have an idea of what I listen to. I didn't name much of my specialty which are slow jams. For the simple fact that I mix those. They consist of Genuine, Keith Sweat, Avant, Usher, Maxwell, Isley Brothers, Ottis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Silk, Shai and so forth. I also LOVE "monster ballads." I LOVE oldies! I'm open to listen to anything once. Doesn't mean I'll like it, but I like a huge variety. I like some country too. So you have any suggestions or recommendations?! Let me know. I'll add it to my wish list, or download a song and check it out!
Until next time. . .

You got to give or you're gonna receive

Today's been one of those day's. Or should I say nights, given I slept all damn day like a jackass. On my way in to work I was listening to the "Quiet Storm." The radio station's out here all have some time where they play slow jams. I love it more than anything. One problem, they make me think. So on my way in, my wheels started spinning. I am always amazed at how music affects a person. Anyway, since I'm listening to slow jam's and already in a "weird" mood, relationship's pop in to my mind. Not that I'm in one, nor right now do I want to be. But when the lonely kicks it, it can be rough. It's like you're just yearning for someone's arms to be wrapped around you, and you just feel so safe and protected. You know they feel the same, so it makes it that much more intense. It's been a really long time since someone's wrapped their arms around me and gave me those great butterflies in the pit of my stomach, while I just close my eyes, take a deep breath and wish for it to never end. Maybe all of this came out of the in depth conversation I had this morning. But it came. I really need to start working on bringing down my wall. It's been up and holding strong for well over two years now. After giving seven years of my life to someone that I now realize only killed my spirit and who I am, I just can't bring it down. Yeah, I know. It makes me not so affectionate. When I hear one tell me how much they care about me, I hear it, I feel it, but I put in the back somewhere not to be found. I don't say much about my feelings when it comes to that of someone who may have feelings for me. If I do that, then it makes me vulnerable to them. I don't want to be vulnerable to anyone. It opens the door for hurt. I know that not every guy/man I meet is the same, but I have to look out for me. Because I grew up with my ex from the ages of 15 to 22, who looked out for only him. He knew he had me and I wasn't going anywhere any time soon. I think these are critical ages in a person's life. You're growing from a child, to a teen, followed by adulthood. I didn't get to that. I was too busy being in love with the person I wasn't meant to be in love with. No, I don't regret it, but it hurts. And if I had the chance, I'd do things differently. But who wouldn't? Mainly because I wonder if I'd be a different person today. I wonder how many good guys I've passed up. If I let "the one" slip through. And if I'm still doing that today. But then again, I believe that the one you're supposed to be with, if there ever is that one, will be there when they're supposed to be. I didn't start become who I really am until the age of 22, while others had been doing that for the past two, three years. So even now, at the age of 25 I am still learning who I am when it comes to love. What I want, who I want and why I want them. I guess I'll just know when I know. . .

As I walk this land with broken dreams
I have visions of many things
Love's happiness is just an illusion
Filled with sadness and confusion
What becomes of the broken-hearted
Who had love that's now departed. . .

Okay, first this template is pink, yes. . .I know. I had it pink the other day for about two seconds and I guess Gabe saw it. He said he liked it because it is "anti-Jenn." Yes, I think pink is a pansy color. And all my stupid friends love pink! Girls suck! So here's for you Gabe. I'll leave it for as long as I can possibly stand it okay. Anyhow, I know I was a little worked up in my last blog. But hey, I can't be Mrs. I-am-happy-go-lucky ALL the time. But I think I do well, considering. My son's dad is short, and that's enough to hurt his feelings. So I'll just have to remind that troll on a daily basis that he is an ankle biter, and I shall survive! Anyhow, Katie, Bill, must you have mini "blog wars" on my comments? Quit wasting my precious blog space! Actually, no I think it's funny, you dorks. We are taking over the blog world! In the words of Katie, "Fuck yeah bitch!" I saw on Eric's blog that they have recruited a friend. Sweet huh?! Just to let you all know, Gabe started it. Then I was like, I can do that! Now we need to get Andrew to stop being afraid of his feelings and blog about them! Andrew, I mean hey, you already started a blog, why not keep up with it?! Okay, enough of the damn word blog! Now for the reason behind the title of this post. . .Fall Crawl. It's an annual event they have here. It started with Spring Crawl a few years back then escapaded into Fall Crawl to follow. Spring Crawl is sweetass and Fall Crawl is still trying to be like it. Anyhow, they block off our entire downtown area from about 2nd street to 7th, Central being the main street down the middle. Down the streets of 2nd through 5th they have bands playing and endless alcohol. If you choose to buy a bracelet for 20 bucks, it'll get you into any bar or club. Which we have many in those areas. Most of them turn away from the typical hip-hop scence, given that they have bands. Well, I myself don't go into the clubs because my attention span does not allow me to wait in a line for 20-45 minutes, sometimes an hour. But since I'm in the area a lot, we know a lot of the workers and get hooked up sometimes. Usually I go with one, maybe two other girls. I don't like going out with a lot of people, especially girls. That usually causes for a bunch of bitching about who wants to go where, and I hate that shit. THIS year, was different. My best friend Mariah thrive's on having lots of people with. So yeah, we ended up with a bunch of monkey's! Cool monkey's, but still. It was Mariah, Adam, Janice, Michelle, Tommy, Mike, John, Martin, Ruben, Nancy, Elena and myself. We all jumped in two cars like a bunch of Mexican's in a truck on weekday and off we went. We parked at my work at the station with intentions on leaving the cars. Being that it's a pretty big thing here, they have road blocks and saturations EVERY where. So we planned on taking a taxi. Which we NEVER do. So we get downtown and the bickering starts. "I wanna go here. I wanna go there." I finally talk over them and tell everyone go where the hell they want and meet up at the "clock" after. [The clock is a big clock in the center of downtown where everyone mingles after and fights, etc.] So everyone but two decided on just walking down town. I'm pretty much the only buzzed one at this time. I drink before going, knowing it's hard to get into the bars/clubs and don't want to spend $20 on places I'm at all the time. I'm usually buzzed and just fine with walking up Central seeing everyone I know and standing at the gate sides listening to the bands. Well after about 10 minutes of walking they all started having alcohol withdrawls, so we decided to go buy some. We ended up at Mariah's dad's drinking. After about 30 minutes there I was so thrashed and had puked about 4 times. I didn't care if we went back to Fall Crawl, which freaked everyone out because I love it so much. But we went back, got into a bar Neds [our second home]. Couldn't dance because there was a band. We sat on the patio and just hung out. Drank more, which was a bad idea. After, we didn't do much mingling at the clock. We decided to head back over to Mariah's dad's. Where I slammed yet "another" pint of Captain and threw up another, oh say, maybe 3 times. Yes, that would be pint number two. The first one was down my system within about 10 minutes before Fall Crawl. Suicidal tendicies, maybe? So we drink, we TRY to play cards. Which you know can't be done with a bunch of drunken assholes. I'm drinking a little bit of everyone's beer. I'm so done by this point. But hey, look! It's the beer bong! Hmm, I've never tried one of those. Me! Me! It's my turn! Like a pro baby! Like a pro! Too bad the memory is shaded. But hey, I didn't choke and I took it all with one swig. So everyone starts getting ready to leave eventually, Mariah splits without saying anything like a bitch. Come on, she was our ride home. Friends are great sometimes. So I'm stuck with Nancy, Elena and all the guys but Adam and one damn car. When we were leaving they all started arguing about who was going where. So I told them just to go home because it was late and they were being annoying. DUMB! I don't know why, but Nancy, Elena and I thought Nancy's car was there. Um, dumb girls? Yeah, we hadn't had her car all night. I guess one of them offered to take Martin home so he stayed with us too. As we tried so hard to get into A car, which was not any of ours, when we finally realized it wasn't and we were fucked. So I remembered, call a taxi stupid! We call the taxi and what do you know, we don't know where the fuck we're at! Eventually, somehow we get the taxi there. I don't know how long we waited, the entire time at Mariah's dad's and the waiting is a total blurr. I know I kept poor Gabe on the phone the whole time. Yeah, he's in another state, but could probably tell you better what I said or did. The taxi driver looked like some crazy man that was gonna eat us for dinner. He said "I'm gonna need a deposit." After he made us leave all the damn alcohol on the curb. I was drunk and stupid and was like, "Here's your damn deposit!" [Thinking, fucker I got money, now drive this bitch!] So I had given him a twenty. We all go to Nancy's and she gives him another twenty. So he got 40 bucks for the 16 dollar cab ride. We figured that out the next morning. He was a happy! What a bitch huh?! Well, at least he didn't eat us. Nancy starts freaking out that Martin can't stay there. Why? I couldn't tell you. She takes off walking to go get her car, and calls me. I yell at her to get her drunk ass back home and we'd take him in the morning. Finally, she did. Eventually, we all passed out. In the morning, mine and Nancy's cars were at Mariah's, Elena's keys in Mariah's car, so we're fucked some more. Finally got in touch with Mariah and eventually I got home. I lost my debit card that night, which I have never done, no matter how plastered I am. My drivers license too. Which I had that morning on my way home, but can't find it now. I'm sure we were all still drunk in the morning. And about a week later, I found out I peed while Gabe listened! Yeah, what a bitch! Embarrassed? Well yeah! I mean, I had so much alcohol in me I'm sure it was much like the peeing sounds of a Russian race horse! So Gabe is a first. Of guys to hear me pee, that is. Oh well. All in all, the night kinda sucked. But it was memorable. So since this is my longest blog in a while don't bitch for updates :D. And I'm still working on the individual posts for you guys. See, I'm putting time, thought, and effort into them! But they'll be here soon enough. Until next time. . .

Would you care to join me at AA?

So mom's outta town this weekend and that means I'll be needing a babysitter for Damian. So I thought I'd tell the "sperm donor" if he wanted to switch weekends. I'd been needing to anyway for when I go to California. Anyhow, naturally it's a problem for him. So he'll be taking him only one night this weekend in exchange for having him two next weekend. I didn't even argue, I just said okay, because really, I have no choice. I gotta go to work and someone needs to watch him. Anyhow, his mom called and told me to call him so that we can figure out a time for me to take him, of course. He NEVER picks him up. Or maybe I shouldn't say never, but 99.8% of the time he doesn't. His mom will, but she's different then he is. So anyway, I called and asked him what time was a good time to take Damian. Naturally, as late as possible. So again, I don't argue. Then we have a conversation that goes. . .

Me - "What are we gonna do for his birthday?"
Ross - "Nothing." (pause) "Why?"
Me - "Um, because it's in like two weeks?!"
Ross - "Well we don't have to throw him a party every year."
Me - (thinking. . . um, I'VE thrown him a party every year. YOU never have! Though I didn't say this.)
Me - "Well I was thinking maybe just Peter Pipers, I don't want to spend as much as I did last year." (I'd spent over $800 on his bed and dropped about another $200 on the party, alone, thank you. He was SUPPOSED to give me money for the bed but yeah right. The year before I dropped like $300 on his party, for a clown and stuff).
Ross - "Whatever."
Me - "I'll call you when I'm on the way."

I fucken HATE the bastard! Hate is such a strong word, but I do believe that I truly hate him. I don't know why I always keep my damn cool with that loser either. I guess I do it for Damian. But in the end, he's the only one getting hurt. I'm sure he's already been fighting with his girlfriend about it. She's probably throwing her little temper tantrums like she knows how. Bitching that he shouldn't be going to the party without her. Funny, because I've always said she could go to his parties. But this year, after all the drama she's caused, it's a no go. Stupid bitch thinks she's supposed to come before Damian. (Which in any case, he puts everything and everyone before Damian.) Now she throws in his face that he needs to be a father to their son more so than Damian. I know I said I wouldn't get in another fight, well I lied. I am going to hit that bitch when I see her. I don't care if she does kick my ass. Just as long as I get to hit her, just once! It would be freakin' orgasmic. And I'd definately make fun of her face. I mean, girls that shave their eyebrows, one word, fuckup! That welfare living, foodstamp eating, housing living, system based whore needs to be put in a home. (Not to mention two kids from two guys at just the age of 20.) I guess I need to remember how mad I am, so that I can finally do something about it. I usually end up waking up, and feel like it's all not worth it. But I need to remember that it is. Just take my ass to the child support office and lay it on him. I never do because I'm always freaking out that it's gonna turn into a custody battle. The sad part, he'd only be doing it to hurt me, not because he really wants custody. I don't know what the fuck I'm worried about. He'd only get every other weekend, and maybe every other Tuesday. I guess, it's just a scary thought. So yeah, I need to remember how fucken pissed off I am right now, so that I can get things right. For my son, no one else. He WILL have a party. I'm thinking a party without dad. It wouldn't be surprising. So, I'm sure the following two weeks will be full of fun for me. God give me patience, but give me the strength to do what's right, for Damian!! Until next time. . .

I will hit a bitch and his girlfriend too!

Okay, well I had started a different blog and my computer went into hibernation mode and I lost it all. Aint that a bitch?! So here goes, over the next couple of day's I will be blogging about you guys! Yes, you! A post for each of you. If I've leave you out, please let me know, so that you can not yell at me about it later. I have been a "chatter" for a few years now. For this reason, I know you guys. I used to be afraid to admit that I really do like people from the internet, but for those of you who think it's for losers, you're a jackass and don't knock it 'til you try it. Not that I'd die if someone in chat didn't like me, but it's cool and I do like talking to you assholes. Why assholes? Well because the room I decided to pick to chat in has nothing but sarcastic people. And I LOVE it! I laugh, and really hard sometimes, and that's all that matters. Us chat "regs" are also a bunch of nazi's about it. If we don't like you, we chase you away. We're really good at it too. Or mostly it's Joe and Bill, but we all add fuel to the fire. Anyhow, so over the next couple day's there should be a "special" post about and for you. A change up from what my blog has been like. Then after that I go back to me, or something. But I want to talk about you, then you can see how much I luff you. So until next time. . .

Love me in the morning. . .