Jenn's Reverie

Sunday, October 31, 2004

MISSING

Have you seen me?

*Katie the Kenoshan aka Caveman Katie
Last seen blogging about some days being longer than others.
Katie's a pretty white girl with an accent. She likes to drink, party, call names such as "assrammer." When last spoken to, Katie was going to a movie with Chandler. Katie may have been abducted by technology aliens or Chandler. If you've seen her, please notify me immediately.

*Bill aka Billy Jack
Last seen blogging about nothing. His blog has been completely wiped out! Billy Jack likes to be perverse but doesn't mean it. He loves to make fun of people. He's a cute white boy with an accent. When last spoken to, Bill was cruising the town. Bill may have been abducted by "the ex." If you've seen him, please notify me immediately.

*Gabe aka Tigershark
Last seen bloging about camping with other hooligans. He loves Ryan Adams and if found will probably be listening to him. His glass is half empty. When last spoken to, Gabe was going camping. Gabe may have been eaten by a bear. If you've seen him, please notify me immediately.

*Eric aka Eric
Last seen blogging about "Chip" and other random-ness. Eric loves long walks on the beach, reading, and Guatemalan hookers. When last spoken to, Eric was going camping with Gabe and others. Eric may have been eaten by a squirrel. If you've seen him, please notify me immediately.

*Chelle aka Mishy
Last seen blogging about coming back to the blogging world. Chelle loves books. She's a hott mama. When last spoken to was in China. Chelle may have been abducted by Asian's. If you've seen her, please notify me immediately.

*Dylan aka Gunslngr
Last seen blogging about Sabrina. Dylan likes Sabrina. When last spoken to, Dylan was going back to the gym. Dylan may have been abducted by his personal trainer or Sabrina. If you've seen him, please notify me immediately.

*Jamie aka Jamie
Last seen blogging about her Frankenstein. Jamie is a red-head. When last spoken to, she was kicking ass at Mortal Kombat Deception. Jamie may have been abducted by her Frankenstein or Warren. If you've seen her, please notify me immediately.

*Warren aka Warren
Last seen blogging about life. When last spoken to, he was getting his ass kicked by Jamie on MK Deception. Warren may have been abducted by Shang Tsung or Jamie. If you've seen him, please notify me immediately.


All of the above-mentioned have neglected their blogs. All at the same time. Something strange is going on here. The only one who's been updating is Boko, and he's usually the slaker on updates. Maybe Boko ate you guys? If you've seen or heard from any of these people please notify me here in my comments. There is a reward for any leads to any of these missing bloggers. The blog world has come to a sudden hault and I am afraid for my blogging life. Okay I need to stop saying blog or blogging or blogger. Stupid word. And um Jay, thanks for the comment, I think. Where you guys at 'n shit!! Come baaaack! Come back!

posted by Jenn Doll at 3:53 AM 6 comments

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Workin' For "The Fuzz" / "The Heat"

Okay, so I never talk about work. It's EXTREMELY rare that I talk about work. Whether it be my co-workers or what I do here. Why, you ask? Well, when I walk out of this building I leave it all at the door. The work itself is interesting and makes me feel "special." OoOo, I'm speeecial. But my co-workers are for the most part a bunch of lonely old ladies going through change of life who have only their cats, dogs and fingers. Anyhow, there's 856,915,876 procedures in this place. Well, that's not an exact number, but I'm guessing. The way I like to put is, every procedure has a procedure within itself. I work in the "Main." Which is the police station for the Albuquerque Police Dept. and Bernalillo County Sheriff's Dept. My title is, Warrant Technician II. You start out naturally as Trainee, then after training you're on a 6 month probationary period, if you make it past that you're then Warrant Tech I. To be a Tech II there's rules, regulations, and guidelines, or what have you. A Tech II is basically a trainer and has to know all aspects of the department. Well, I guess any trainer does. There's only 3 Tech II's. I'm cool like that. Usually, it should be something that of someone who has seniority, but that's not the case here. These ladies would rather sit with their thumb up their ass and do absolutely nothing. The turn-over is really high. A lot of it is due to the fact that we're a 24 hour facility, work holiday's, have sorry days off, and required to be on-call. Yeah, I get to carry a pager around. Don't be jealous. When paged, you have an hour to get here. It blows. We bid for shifts every 6 months according to seniority. Whereas the sworn personal (officers) bid every year. I'm fifth in seniority so I do okay with the shifts. I'm here on graveyard by choice. I could work "day's" but the day's off were like Wednesday and Thursday. I at least wanted a Friday. So I have Thursday and Friday night off. Swing shift would be ideal for me, if I didn't have my son. Though I'm civilian personal I still have a chain-of-command. My department having more in the chain than normal. Starting with the Specialist (we have 2), Supervisor, Sargeant, Lieutenant, Captain, there's more, all the way to the Sheriff. I'm starting to think you will stop reading this post or already did! This is WHY I never talk about work. But I'll finish anyway, so that if someone asks what I do, I'll do the www dot com thing. So they look at me like a jackass. Hey fuckers, it's the millineum. Everyone and their grandma has a www or a cell. So on to what I do here. I process warrants. Okay, I'm done. I kid! I kid! First you have the "Metro Court Run." This has to do with mainly misdemeanor warrants. On this run we pick up the new misdemeanor's. Anywhere from 0 to 400. These have to be accounted for, logged, alphabetized (that's a bitch and boring as hell), and ready for entry into WITS (Warrants Information Tracking System.) WITS is our local system. Metro Run also sends us "recalls." These are warrants that need to be cancelled because they have been paid or went to court on. This procedure is non-stop throughout the day. Recalls start at about 8am and continue 'til about 8pm. We have to check WITS to see their status which tells us where they're filed, pull the warrant, cancel it and respond to the recall with what we've done with it. Then we send it back to the courts. Then there's the "District Court Run." This is basically the same although with felony warrants. Though there is no one requesting for the warrants to be cancelled and sent back. We have to first do the warrants that need to be cancelled. That process has a hundred processes within itself. We then start the process for the new felony's received. That too has a billion processes. To enter one felony from start to finish takes anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. There's a few different kind of felony warrants. That have some differences in procedure. There's Unindicted felony's, Grand Jury Indictments, Bench Warrants, and Arrest Orders. Misdemeanor's are just that. To enter a felony into NCIC (National Crime Information Center) there has to be as much research possible done on the subject. We make sure they aren't already in-custody to have them served. We run background checks, III/Criminal History's which give us any aka's, different DOB's, SSN's, fingerprint class, any and all descriptors. We also run the driver's license. After running all of this, we research all the paper work to make sure that all of the information is the same. Also to see if they need to be Cautioned. IE: Armed & Dangerous, Violent History, Escape Risk and so forth. This can be a bitch. Especially when it's sibiling sharing information. Some bastards have up to 25 if not more aka's. Do you KNOW how long it takes to enter all of that shit?! I hate it. Especially when they use different social's or birthday's. Quit lying you querr-bo's! Make my life easier thanks. Then we have Restraining Orders/DVO's (Domestic Violence Orders). I used to like doing these. You get to read what they say about each other. But God how I hate them now. Everyone and their great grandma files for a restraining order. I remember seeing one because her husband "threw a candy bar wrapper" at her. What the fuck?! I don't remember if the judge granted it, but if so, then they should all die. I do not want to take a day processing your stupid paperwork because someone threw a candy wrapper at you. Hit the bastard! Knock his teeth in! Stab him in the eye! Give me something interesting here people. The restraining orders take forever in a day to enter and are very touchy. Any civil case is touchy. And we have to be the ones to put the "Brady Indicator." I don't wanna tell some psycho he can't have a gun. If he finds out I'm the one who restricted him, I'll be the first one he shoots when he's allowed. I feel weird every time I do that one. Though, it's a sense of power. Other than the court runs and restraining orders, I also confirm the validity of warrants for the officers/deputies. Anytime someone is pulled over the officer has their NCIC "run" them." Which means, through NCIC to check if they're wanted. Our local NCIC's which would be APD (city) and BCSO (coutny/Sheriff) run you locally as well. So if this person has a warrant they call me and give me the subject's information. I in turn, run the subject in WITS to see whether it's misdemeanor, felony, or both. If misdemeanor I check the courts docket to see if it's still valid on their side, then pull the file. If felony I just pull the file, unless it's Unindicted and that's a whole other process. Anyhow, once I have the warrant in hand I call back NCIC and confirm the warrant so that the officer can make the arrest, or do not confirm if there's something wrong with it or it's cancelled. When the officer is at the jail we're then called to have the warrant faxed. Faxing also has it's procedures. Stamp with fax stamp, initial, time and date. After fax, it's then stamped with "Warrant Cancellation." Reason which is 10-16 (arrested), date, what agency (given there's a billion) and where they're booked. If they're booked in another county. We have to do the extradition process. Which is yet again a whole other story. Basically we give information to all necessary so that our county will go pick them up and bring them back here. If you're a fugitive, a wanted felon on the run, per se. You'll be found in NCIC. When this happens we receive a teletype requesting for validity of the warrant and if we will extradite. Meaning, will we go pick them up. When we receive this teletype we have 10 minutes to respond with yes we'll extradite, the warrant is valid, what judge, what district, charges and bond amount. If not, the FBI "dings" us. Not good. If we will extradite, we have a whole other process. I used to work with the District Attorney a lot on extradition stuff. It was so fun. I used to get to send teletypes releasing prisoner's or holding them. I guess that sense of power can be really cool. NCIC also gives us bad weather reports, when roads are shut down for that reason or an accident. Any car accident in the state resulting in death which is called a "Fatal." Homeland Security information, which goes right up to the Under-Sheriff. Missing persons, stolen vehicles and so, so much more. I like dealing with the detective's, that's always fun. Or the DA, FBI and rare but at times the Secret Service. I like when they aske me questions that I have the answers to. Or when I have to do research for them and they get all happy that I find something new. I had an officer purpose to me once because he almost messed up on a swat call, but I saved his ass. It was sweet titties! Okay, I'm done with this boringness. Come work here if you want to know more. It's interesting stuff. Oh yeah, but if you ever work here expect to get calls and to be used. My "friends" call with questions ALL the time. Some call for only that reason. I've started directing them to the same place I direct the public when they call. Oh and I forgot to mention how I have 8-10 different passwords for all the programs. I'm not sure how I remember them all because they make us change them all the time. But I manage. So that's what I do. and FYI, I don't like cops. The irony. Oh well. If you read all the way to here, you're a soldier! I commend you! If not, I don't blame you! Until next time. . .

I shot the Sheriff, but I didn't shoot the Deputy. . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:15 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Listfull Listings, or Something

I don't feel like typing about one thing, or proper paragraphs. Wait, not that I ever do proper paragraphs. So here's some of me, maybe some of you, some of something you might say "what's she talking about."

.inside you're pretending

posted by Jenn Doll at 4:40 AM 4 comments

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

I Love My Mommy

This morning when I got off of work, my mom and I talked. We hadn't done that in a really long time. We used to make sure to go have dinner at least once a month, just to catch up. But that doesn't happen anymore. She is always making sure my grandma is busy and not bored, since my grandpa passed away. Plus she has her boyfriend (of 10 years), and they're always doing something. But this morning we sat on the couches opposite of each other and just talked. I don't even know how it started. But it was great. She even teared up at one point. The conversation was based on me. So much that she doesn't know. Love interests, heart ache, friends, and so much more. Today was the first time ever that we both acknowledge my relationship with Ross. Well the ending of it. She didn't like him much, so it was always kinda like, 'I wish you would just get over him.' My brother and his girlfriend wish that "Jenn would settle down." And I don't? I mean, I'm not necessarily looking to settle down. It'll happen when it's suppose to. It came up how I party. She doesn't mind anymore. She realizes now that I'm a single parent and it's not bad that I go out when my son is with his dad or his side of the family. It's not like I look for a baby sitter to go out. Of course I go out. How the hell else am I suppose to meet people? Then it came up how I "sleep all day." No shit?! I work graveyard. She didn't say that. My brother did. But he loves me. When I go there after work for them to watch my son while I sleep, I hear him telling the kids to quite down 'cause "your auntie's/mom's sleeping." He wants me to settle down because him and his girlfriend love to double. My brother tends to think every guy he's met is a "fag." Aww, he's being protective with his little sister! I love you big brother. My oldest brother thinks they're all cool, just so I could settle down. Bad thing is, my brother's and mom's boyfriend think that "guys JUST want sex." Okay, not that I don't agree to an extent. But it doesn't mean that guys always get what they want. I'm a big girl, I know what I'm doing. So I have a lot of guy friends. Most of my closest friends are guys. So yeah. Imagine what my brother's and mom's boyfriend think! Eventually, they meet some of my friends girlfriends and then they have to be like, "Okay, just him!" Haha, it's great! So anyhow, my mom was surprised to hear me admit to my party binge after Ross and I. I told her how I know I went off on the party scene. I told her that it was how I dealt with things. I told her that it was hard because everyone thought, "He's an asshole! Why would it hurt?" I told her that being the outcast of the family was hard too. I mean, she was with my dad for 20 years 'til death did them part, then she's been with her boyfriend for a long time too. My oldest brother has been with his girlfriend (who we can't stand, but it's not our choice), for roughly 13 years now. They have their two daughters. And my other brother has been with his girlfriend (my REALest ever friend) for about 8 years and they have one and one on the way. I'm thee outcast. I'm the single parent. I told my mom, "If Eddie or Danny (my brother's) were single, they'd be at the clubs with me." The other day Marylyn, (Eddie's girfriend) asked me what I was doing on Christmas Eve. Reason being, my family had ALWAYS celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. We went to grandma's house ate, went to see lights, enjoyed the family time and opened presents at midnight. On Christmas day we went to visit dads side of the family. Well, I lost my dad at the age of 12, so we didn't do his side of the family on Christmas anymore. That's a whole other story. But we still did Christmas Eve at grandma's. It was grandma, grandpa, mom, brothers, mom's brother, his wife and 3 kids. My closest cousins. Then when I had Damian I asked if we could start celebrating on Christmas day so that we could do Eve with Ross and his family. Given Ross's birthday is Christmas Eve. It was hard for my family to switch up the tradition but for me and Damian they did it. Well, my uncle (moms brother) is an assrammer, so we don't see them on Christmas anymore. My oldest brother has a hard time with Christmas because of dad, so he makes it a little hard on us. And grandpa passed away last year. Well, now that I'm no longer with Ross, Damian goes to his house on Eve and my mom and her boyfriend do what they do and grandma goes with them. My brother's do their things with their girlfriends. So I'm all alone. Don't be sad. I'm not. The last couple of years I hung out with Mariah and her family, but I'm not feeling that this year. On Christmas day this year, it's only be a few of us. But I'm actually off. I haven't had a holiday off in 2 years! I have New Year's Eve off too! Hell yeah. They happen to fall on my days off. So anyway, on Christmas Eve I'll be with my brother and Marylyn and her family and all their five hundred kids. I just hate it because Damian's not with me, and he'd have fun with all the kiddies. Stupid Ross. Anyway, talking with mom this morning felt good. I told her that I'm planning a trip to Vegas. I told her that I'm planning a trip to take Damian to Disney Land. I told her that I'm working all this overtime so I can help her pay her house taxes. It was a good talk. Seeing her tear up reminded me of important we are to each other. Not that I ever forgot. Naturally, we're at each other's throats, living together. We're both women with an opinion. But without my mom, I'd be a very sad case. She helps me with Damian. She had to be mom and dad when dad died. She had to raise 3 kids. Not to mention, my oldest brother was 17, the age of going from boy to teen to man. The age when a boy needs his dad. My other brother 13, going through puberty. As I mentioned, I was 12. But my brothers are two of the greatest father's I know. They love their daughter's with all they have. They provide for their families just like my dad did. With me, my mom raised me to be a good mother myself. If it weren't for her I don't know what I'd do. Who'd watch Damian while I work? How would I have gotten my first car? Who'd tell me that I'm a damn good mom? Who'd help me raise my son like she has? Again, without mom, I'd be a sad case. I love my mom!!
This post wasn't meant to be sad. Maybe it seems sad. But it's not! For real! Just talking to my mom this morning felt good.
And read the post before this. I posted twice today. You're probably in it!

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my mother. -Abraham Lincoln
posted by Jenn Doll at 2:50 AM 4 comments

Monday, October 25, 2004

Blog Run Galore!

So, it looks like daily my "blog run" aka blag run, is growing. It's great! I just wanted to let you all who may be here see who it is I visit. I think these are all worthy blags. So if you ever get bored and want to read blags. Here's where I go. . .

First there's Gabe. Who initially got me started and was the first one I ever heard say the word blog. He's a bit of a slacker on his blag, but when he does take time to post it's a worthy one. www.outrunthesun.blogspot.com

Then there's my Katie. She's a blagging whore. What I mean by that is she is posting ALL the time. She's been blagging for months less than I have and is cathing up to the amount of words typed. She is also the one who say's "blag" instead of "blog." I wish you could all hear her, it's just priceless. And her blag was created due to her lack of knowledge in the technology field. Which led to a blag address of damning me. I love my Katie!
www.goddamnyoujenn.blogspot.com

You also have Bill. He's just Bill. Usually manipulating people, or instigating stuff. But since he's met Katie and I, he's gotten a lot better. He's now a kind and loving young man. Our sweet Billy. Precious, just precious.
www.teambildo.blogspot.com

I also go visit Eric. A fellow Gemini. He's a slacker too. But again, when he does make time to post, it's a worthy read. I "jocked" Eric for his periods at the beginning of lyrics or quotes that are left at the end of posts.
www.youonlydietwice.blogspot.com

Then I visit the friends of Gabe and Eric. There's James, the computer God, per se.
www.xinvisionx.blogspot.com

There's Robyn (James's girlfriend). She's new to the team! Welcome.
www.dontnawonmykitty.blogspot.com

There's Jamie. Yet another fellow Gemini. P.S. Jamie, your sandals are safe at Gabe's and his closet!
www.fromtheviewuphere.blogspot.com

There's Warren (Jamie's boyfriend.) The photographer. A good one at that.
www.famousafterdeath.blogspot.com


There's Jay. Or as I call him JayPop. Jay has a talent with lyrics/poems.
www.bluejaygunnyon.blogspot.com

There's Dylan. Dylan I don't know, or know anyone he knows. But we're blog pals now. It started because he said he didn't like me. Sweet huh?!
www.gunslngr21.blogspot.com

There's Boko. A great artist! He's a slacker on the updates too.
www.delilarder.blogspot.com

There's my Chelle. She's the shit. I love my Chelle too. Most know her by Mishy.
www.mishy_butt.blogspot.com

Then there's the very newest addition, my Michy! Yay! Love you too girl.
www.farewellangelina.blogspot.com

And I can not leave out the internet quasi-celebrity, Jason Mulgrew. Don't know this guy, but came across his blog. Katie's hooked on it too. And anyone else we've introduced. Katie and I both read every post he's ever done. Starting from his first. He's the most hillarious guy ever. If you want to laugh, go read him. Start with his first post and you'll want to read them all. He actually has hundreds of readers. Yay!
www.everythingiswrongwithme.blogspot.com

So as you can all see, I'm too busy reading and posting on your blogs to post on mine. Well, I think I should do some "criminal" work now. Until next time. . .


.wandering stars, for whom it is reserved



posted by Jenn Doll at 12:25 PM 5 comments

Te deseo de todas las maneras posibles mas que cualquier cosa que yo se ahora mismo. . .


posted by Jenn Doll at 3:45 AM 1 comments

Invasion of the Ex's!

Okay, so I haven't kept up on the blagging. I miss my computer oh so much. I just got back from the movies. I saw Ladder 49. I cried like 10 freakin' times! Yeah, yeah. Make fun. It's okay. So since my last post, I've played Portishead approximately 100 times. LITERALLY! I went out on Friday. Went to club Opium. I had a really good time. Except for I got way too trashed. Some damn retard tried to kiss me, and the idiot had chew/tobacco in his mouth! EWW! What the fuck are you thinking?! I swear I wanted to poke him in the eye. What an imbecile. If I would have kissed him, he would have got smacked. I sat up on the 2nd story by myself for a while. The girls kept going up and down. Bitches! I'm totally fucked up and wearing stiletto's! HELLO! What'd I drink you ask? Weeellll, I had a 5th of some Captain Morgan Spiced Rum from the other night. And in the car before getting down, I had roughly 6 shots in the time span of about 7 minutes. Niiiice! Then went to Neds as usual and had 2 Budlights. When we got to Opium Nancy had got me a shot. It was more like a double. I was already gone at that time but took it anyway. DONE! It was over. I made out with 4 guys and one girl. At one point one of the guys and the girl at the same time! I kid! I kid! But yeah, I was outtie! So finally we left and my friend Jay had been calling trying to get us to a Halloween party. I don't do house parties but for some reason I wanted to go to this one all night. I guess it just sounded legit. It was for a charity, 2 DJ's, 3 kegs, security and so on. But all the assrammer's I was with didn't want to pay the $5 cover. LOSERS! I had went with Nancy, Elena, and Adriana. I left with Nancy, Ruben, Mike, Johnny and Craig. We ended up going back to Mariah's place, given Mike's her roomate. When we got there her and her boyfriend Adam were just chillin' on the couch. I sat down on the couch, my phone died, I cried about it, I passed out. It was about 3am. I woke up at 5:30 surrounded by Mike, Johnny and Craig. . .shrooming. I had put Portishead on when I got there and it was still playing and continued to play 'til 1:30pm the following day when I left! HELL YEAH! They all loved it. Mariah went and bought the Live CD. And everyone's talking about it! We interrupt you for this brief news break. . .Cartman's hand is J-Lo and just gave Ben a blowjob. (Yay for Southpark.) Back to your normal viewing. . .It was cool chillin' with the boys. We talked about everything under the sun. I'm sure I did most of the talking, but still. It was really cool. So I'm sure you're wondering how any of this pertains to the title of my blog. All I have to say is if ONE more ex calls me this month I'm gonna go ballistic. Not that they're mean or bug. The thing is, I'm not enemies with not one guy I've ever dated. Ross doesn't count. So I actually talk to them. But they call and do the "I want to see you." Um, no. You're an ex for a reason, thanks. Now how the fuck did you get my number?! So I guess I'll enter some felon's into NCIC. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. Maybe I'll get a chance to post later. Did I mention that Portishead's the best thing that's happened to me since my first orgasm? (FYI I'm a virgin. My son is 6)

.we're all looking at a different picture
posted by Jenn Doll at 2:55 AM 20 comments

Friday, October 22, 2004

Culminating!

It's official, Portishead has consumed me. . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 1:26 AM 7 comments

Thursday, October 21, 2004

For Billy Numbnuts

Some of you may know, some of you may not know that Bill has a dream. A dream that ONE day he could have me. Bill HAD a dream that he was here in NM and met a girl and slept with her. Or well, it did happen. But then Bill started having vision's in his head that that girl was me. He tells all how I dream about him and so forth. It's really quite precious how Bill's dream is to have me dream of him. Bill, I'm flattered babe. I really am. But if that girl was me, you'd have never left! You couldn't handle me! I thought we ended this "conversation" but you seem to have had a relapse. I'm sorry. I'll try to tell you more how you couldn't handle me. You're too cute with your little visions. Besides, I'm sick of trying to instigate the fact that you and Katie are just too adorable "together." :D Handle yo bi'niz! Katie, don't yell at me, Bill started it! So handle yours too! I'm mad that you're at Keri's. I wanted precious Katie time. I'm sure Bill will be the pansy that he is and asleep. Oh and Bill, I asked you on Katie's blog what size of dress you wear? I'd be purchasing you one on payday. That's today. So lemme know, k. Now go to sleep you wank! Miss you punkass! We'll call you this weekend. I'll be crunked tomorrow!


On the flipside. . .
*My son (who's 6) heard me asking my mom if she was voting. She said, "I don't know who to vote for." So my son jumps in, "Mom, are you voting for John Kerry instead of George Bush?"
Um. . .what the fuck?!
*My son was at Wal-Mart with my mom and her boyfriend and he asked for a dollar to play the "grab machine" thing. You know, for a stuffed animal (mono or monito). Her boyfriend said, "That's a waste of money. Put your money in and you get nothing back." My son responded with, "Yeah, you do that when you go to the casino." So my moms boyfriend gave him the dollar.
*His hermit crab died. So now I have to buy him two. Me and my big mouth.
*I bought Portishead "Dummy." I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Like REALLY REALLY love it.
*They didn't have the new Codeseven at Hastings or Best Buy. I'll be setting both buildings on fire later this weekend.
*A shout out to my blog friends. . .Katie, Bill, Gabe, Eric, Jamie, James, Dylan, Boko, Mishy, JayPop. Warren do you come here? Thanks for your comments. I LOVE when you comment. Love, love, love it. I visit you guys everyday :D. Spread the love!
*I'll be getting a shoutbox. What's a shoutbox?! You'll see. . .
*I'm wearing HIS pink panties.

.it could be sweet
posted by Jenn Doll at 11:21 PM 3 comments

Free With A History

I mentioned on my previous post how I called to my ex's house the other day and didn't recognize his voice. Well, it's been on my mind since. It's just such an accomplishment for me. I hadn't analyzed the situation in a really long time. But that day, something as simple as forgetting his voice, made me realize how far I've come. It's been roughly 2 years and about 9 months, at my best guess, that I've been single. At one point I thought I couldn't live without this guy. Now I can't even recognize his voice? It's just yet another sigh of relief. I mean, I pretty much grew up with this guy. From the age of just barely 15 to a young adult at 22. Part of who I am is because of him. I think I'm a better person because of my experiences. Our relationship was pretty much rocky through out the entire 7 years. He cheated constantly because he knew I'd still be there when he was done. And if I did leave, he knew I'd be coming back. He knew that I couldn't be without him. It eventually got to a point that when I heard he cheated I wouldn't even tell him anything. What for? Fight, cry, go back. I saw no point. So I hid under myself with him. I knew he loved me. But I never could and still haven't figured out what kind of love it was. I usually came to the conclusion that we were so young and just used to each other, so what else would we do. I remember most, if not all of our friends getting pregnant within the first year of their relationships. I wasn't aiming for that. I was on "the pill" for almost 3 years. Then I was convinced to switch to "the shot." In the trasition of this, I ended up pregnant. I remember none of our friends believing us because we had already been together three years. My Mom was with me in the room when I found out. So it saved my having to tell her. She was very supportive. His mom, I knew would be more excited than most. Which she was and would NOT believe me at first. The sad part, he's the one I was worried about telling. But I did. I waited for him to acknowledge it, and eventually he did. While I was pregnant he played the act of disappearing well. I was working, in which I had been doing since after high school. Him? No, no work. I would put in lots of overtime just to get away from the house. I was living with him and his mom at the time. Her and I worked together so she'd see me up in the morning's and say, "Hey, might as well go in. You're already up." So I would. Just to come home and find that he'd been home and slept and left before we got back. Years down the road to find that he'd been there with a girl. This while I'm about 6 months pregnant. We moved into a new house, and still he wasn't around much. During the period of when I was due, his mom told him he'd have to stay home. I was 19 at this time, him 18. He finally stayed home. He had to have his cousin there. But that wasn't new. There was ALWAYS a friend. I never dated just Ross. I always dated Ross and Leonard, or Ross and Eric, Ross and Aaron, Ross and Chris. At some points, 3 at a time. Being the only one with a job, I would feed us all, put the gas, buy the cigarette's, etc. Which also meant no alone time. So then came September 15, 1998. The birth day of my son, Damian. Ross didn't change. I started to realize that one day, ONE day I would leave. Now was just working up the courage to do it. Still it took me 3 years to do it. He had moved to go to school in Arizona when our son was almost 2. Maybe just over 2. I was really hurt. I didn't understand why he had to go to school out there. He was determined to get me to move out there. But I was afraid to be left in a foreign state, with no friends or family, like he'd done out here. I drove with him out there. That was one of the hardest days of my life. I remember when we were giving each other our hug goodbye, he teared up, I teared up and wanted to break down, and his family watching us all teared up too. I mean, I was leaving the guy I'd been waking up to almost every day for the past 5 years. While he was out in Arizona, he was hit with a taste of reality. He then for the first time in 5 years realized what he had. He'd come out to see us at least every 2 months. I remember one day, we were driving back from visiting some of his family. His parents were in the front and him, our son, and myself in the back. I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes. Something I've seen from Ross like almost never. Something that I'm one of very few who had seen. I asked him what was wrong, and he had said nothing. But I pressured him into knowing, he finally said, "I just miss you guys so much." At that moment I knew somehow that I hadn't wasted all these years fighting for his love. But at the same time, I was scared inside. All this time him being gone in Arizona, I was getting used to him not being around. Eventually he met people out there, through school and work and so forth. So he then became the same Ross he was before. I cheated on him while he was out there. No, I never had sex with another guy. But in cheating I mean, a kiss or a date. I left the sleeping with others to him. We were "on and off" while he was out there. As we'd always been. Anyhow, he came out here after school. I moved back in with him and his mom. And of course our son. He wasn't gonna change. He'd been seeing some girl out in AZ and I had known about it. He just didn't know I knew. Every time we'd get in a fight since he'd been back, he'd call her. He still doesn't know I know. I told him, "When the day comes that you're ready for me, completely, I'll be done waiting for you. It's gonna be too late." So we tried to have this relationship of nothing. I realized that I was miserable with him and just as miserable without him. I woke up one day and the thought came to mind, I'm going to be happy with him, and if not I'm going to happy without him. And that I did. I tried to be happy, and it just wasn't there, so I left. The day I left for good he thought was just another phase. But at the same time I saw it in his eyes and heard it in his voice. He knew I was gone. We hadn't been fighting, everything was great. But that morning, there was something in the air that told me I was done. I've never went back. I wanted to for so long. I drank myself into oblivion for a while. I partied as hard as I could ever imagine. I went crazy with the party scene. I was a new face to the club scene and the attention was great. I gained back confidence in who I was. Both mentally and physically. I danced and danced and danced 'til I could literally dance no more. My love of dancing was taken away from me. He never took me anywhere, other than to his friends to watch them get high or do other boring stuff. He'd only seen me REALLY dance once, and he was like "whoa!" Yeah, 7 years and he had no idea. I missed him. I did. For a really long time. Some days were worse than others. Eventually I realized that I was hardly thinking of him and wasn't hurt anymore. That was actually pretty scary. The thought of falling completely out of love with the one person I've ever loved and had been loving for years. One day I was okay with it. I no longer miss him. I miss the affection and the feeling of being in love itself. When I realized that I no longer loved him, I cried. I cried because I was sad that I was no longer in love with him. I cried because I was happy that I had gotten to that point and thought that it would never happen. At one time, in the beginning of the getting over process, I had regrets of ever meeting him. But when I was done missing and hating him. I had no regrets. It was where I was supposed to be in my life at that time. If not, I wouldn't have my beautiful son. I wouldn't know the love that I do with my son. Love that one will never know until having their own. Ross now has a girlfriend (who can't stand me, just because I'm the ex), and they have a son together. He's a much better father to her son and the one they have together. He sees my son every other weekend and doesn't pay child support. He's a great father when he's there. It's just getting him there. I've been battling this one for 6 years now. At times I think I should just file for child support and give it to him. But then I think, what for? My son has everything. He has more than a lot of other kids out there. I don't need his Ross' money. I won't give up the battle of trying to get Ross to be around more. It's not my job, some say. Well, I think it is. I brought my son in to this world, it's my job to raise him as happy and as right as possible. So I guess in forgetting his voice it just reminded me of how far I've gotten in these past 2 or so years. I have this huge wall up that I need to start breaking down. But it's coming down. Slowly but surely. It's coming down with the people I meet. I find that I'm more open. And I find myself being a littler more vulnerable. I used to pray that things would work out between us, but "sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." Had my prayers been answered, I wouldn't have met so many beautiful people that I know now or have met, 'cause I'd still be with him and not here.

.now that the cuffs are off


posted by Jenn Doll at 2:35 AM 7 comments

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Itchy Wrists

I've been irritated all damn day! If you know me, you know that my damn cell phone is that of great importance to me. This morning at around 9, I stopped getting my text messages. Well, didn't stop, I just didn't get them 'til 5 fucking hours later. Nice, just fucking nice. THEN, I think my phone's working and I'm wondering why I'm not getting replies from my texts. Come to find out, they were replying. So here I am at fucking all hours of the night, texting people and calling them. Wondering why they're still up. Well, they weren't. But thanks to me, they got woken up. Turns out they had sent me the texts earlier. Sorry Audra. Sorry Val. So I call damn T-Mobile and I'm like, "I'm not getting the texts. What's going on?! I'm freaking out!" Not to that extent, but you know. So she say's, "Maybe it's their phone?" Me - "No way. It's this one." So she checked if there are problems in the area and sure enough there is. She tells me, "Looks like there's a tower that's storing text messages and not sending them to the phone's on time." Well fuck that fucking tower! Bastards. So when ever they fix this damn problem, I'll probably get slammed with texts. But it was working for a quick minute. Then I got on AIM and was talking to Katie. And that is giving me problems too. Sonofabitch! Work with me here! God, I'm such a loser. What the fuck did I do before I had a phone? No, no before there was ever text messages? 'Cause I sure as hell can't remember. So I'm all itchy wrists and Misses Grumpy Gills/Crabby Pants or what have you. Breath Jenn, breath. It's gonna be alright. It really is. NO IT'S NOT! I'm here at work, and this sucks! Fine, I'll stop crying about it. No, I won't. But I'll stop posting about it. On a lighter note, I got my mail from Katie!! YAY! Thanks Katie. I love the Ryan Adams "Gold" CD. It's kickass! The Ashlee CD is good too! Woot woo! I got 5 CD's yesterday. Three from Mario too. So that was great. Mario (supervisor), Sharon (co-worker) and I are going to see the Scorpions and Tesla in concert! Fuck yeah bitches. I love the Scorpions AND Tesla. Katie, thanks for the little note too. You're a sweetheart. You didn't even call me any names besides ho, too! Bill, I miss you too! I don't want to text you because you always have your phone off. Besides, today is not a day for texts :'( . But I'm gonna borrow the computer from my brother tomorrow and be on it for a while. And try to hit him up for it on Thursday night too. I'll be in for some overtime, but not all night. So hopefully I'll see you on tomorrow. We both need to talk, damnit! Katie's all caught up. Actually, she's pretty much the only one that is.

Some extra's in Jenn's life. . .
*I'm infatuated with Bam. I have been since before "Jackass" or "Viva La Bam." My friend Brice is skate's and used to show me video's of Bam, since back when. But everytime I see Viva La Bam, I find myself liking him more. He fuckin' owns. Steve-O too. VIVA LA BAM!!
*My phone just completely crashed as I type this. It's freezing like a fuckin' computer.
*My CD collection is getting huge and is kickass.
*I love my son and missed him so much this weekend.
*I miss my oldest brother. It's been a while since I've seen him.
*I called to Ross' house the other day and he answered. I had NO idea it was him. I had to ask who it was. I forgot his voice! Sweet huh?!
*My son FINALLY got a pet. . .a hermit crab. He dropped the cage yesterday and started balling. But when his fish die, he's very excited to be the one to flush them.
*I hate the new Real World. They're so lame and boring. I miss the San Diego-ers.
*The new Surreal Life, I'm addicted too. How can you not? Flava Flaaaaav!
*One damn episode of Laguna Beach and I'm hooked. I'm hopeless. I love reality tv. There, I admit it.
*They marathoned "Small Ville" the other day. I saw every fucking episode. So I thought. I woke up with Clark laying on the floor, possibly dead and all kinds of weird stuff. I wanted to kill myself. That is THEE worst thing ever! Ever, ever, ever!
*I'm DYING without a computer. Slowly but surely.
*My best friend hasn't called me in days. I have no idea why. I've tried calling her. I guess she's "busy."
*Southwest airlines has great package deals for airfare and hotel to Vegas.
*I wrote three more poems.
*I need a vacation. Yeah, I know I just got back from one. So fucking what?!
*Katie let's go to Vegas. Get a fake ID damnit. Bill, you too!
*Katie's pressuring me to finish this post, so I guess I'm done.


posted by Jenn Doll at 2:55 AM 3 comments

Sunday, October 17, 2004

I See You Watching Me. . .

Hey, nice to see you! So you're here? I know, you didn't know that I knew you had this blog address. Yeah, I've known for a while now. I guess I found out because I was supposed to. Because I didn't ask. I had to investigate. You know, to make sure it's my "internet thing." And yeah, sure enough, it is. Well, it's nice to know you come here. You don't have to keep secrets. It's okay. And you can stop telling lies whenever you're ready. I'm cool like that. The truth might hurt, but if it doesn't kill me, which I'm sure that's not that the case, it'll only make me stronger. If you're lying because you don't want to hurt me. That's understandable. Then I know somehow you care. There's always room for forgiveness. There really is. And since you're here, I already know babe. You don't have to worry about telling me anymore. Save your breath. I guess I found out, um because I was supposed to. Fate has it's ways. What's really kicakass about this post, is it applies 100% to two of you. And you know who you are. But you don't know each other. Although, you seem to have so much in common. I guess it's all about, you've done it before and more than once. So now you're just taking advantage. That's okay, I let you. It's my fault. But I'm done now. I love you and and will forever. When you're ready to be real, you know where to find me. I'm not going anywhere. I am moving on though. And for right now, I have to do that without you. If you're not up for being real, it's alright. I'll understand, or try to. And if you want to know what's going on with me, come back here. It'll give you a brief rundown. I mean, you've been reading this thing for how long now? I was actually pretty damn flattered when I heard. The both of you. Maybe one day, I can introduce you two. It'd be an experience. I love you, I do. But my time is limited to those who are real with me. So if that's not you, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for you. And no, this isn't the first time you're hearing it. I've told you before. But I thought since you come here, I'd tell you. Since you've been great at avoiding this conversation.

Take care you. . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 1:10 AM 6 comments

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Stolen: My Computer

I have bad news. . .I no longer have a computer! :'( Don't cry, I can still blag from work. My world is not right. Boo this post! What's even more sad, is I came in to work for some OT, and it's like I'm fucking hanging out here. What is THAT about?! It's official, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?! And to top that off, yeah it gets better. . .it's Friday night, and I chose to come to work instead of go out. AND, I've been here at work since 9pm and it is now 2am, and I only get to put in for 2 1/2 hours of OT, because I've been slacking like a fuckface the whole time. Jesus Christ what has become of me?! If you have any advice for my new found loser-ness, please let me know! Throw me a freakin' bone here pal. For real. I'm disappointed in me. I think I may have Bello-itis. Haha! I really need to get the dance in me out. It's been a while. So next weekend, it's on! Bring it baby, bring it! I'm gonna dance 'til I hurt myself. Which isn't hard to do. Speaking of which, I have a big ass bump on my leg from the damn stove last night. Now I'm not gonna shave my legs for like 2 weeks, just for fun. I think it'll add character to the bump, no? So tomorrow I was supposed to go to a wedding with my "bestfriend" and I guess I'm no longer invited. Aint that a bitch?! She loves Adam though! Haha! So since I'm not going to the wedding which isn't hers and I really am invited to, I think I'll do something productive. I haven't caught the latest episodes of The Real World or The Surreal life, so I'm hoping for some reruns. That would be shnazzy. Oh yeah! I don't think that I'm going to the "Ball" next month either. Sad, just sad. And what's more sad, is I'm not playing games, so don't expect me to cry about it. Yeah, it hurt, but only briefly. So I'm good on that. Things are really weird right now. Like REALLY weird. I can't get down and all personal about it here, but if your name's Katie, I'll tell you! Wait, you already know. Well you and one other person. So weirdness is me at this point and I say bring it bitches, bring it! Fate wants to get crazy, I'm down. Okay, I'm lying. I love you fate, just be nice to me. I'll do whatever you want, just hook a mami up! For real. Yeah, I'm obviously in an asinine mood, but that's okay. I'm in one of those moods, where if someone were to ask me something, I'd just tell them like it is. That's right, gaaaang member! No, really though. Well I mean the people who like to play games. Listen here peckerheads, I don't have time for your foul play. Take it elsewhere or ram it up your ass. If you think I don't know, I do. See, now I'm feeling all gangster to the core. If you're all worried that I'm talking to or about you, then maybe you should be. I'm through playing nice guy. Someone told me today, "I've seen your type and it makes me sad/mad." So I asked, "My type?" And he said something along the lines of, 'someone who's always worried about others being happy and never does what they want and keeps from being happy themself. A martyr.' That's not the exact quote, hence the ' ' instead of the " ". See you learn something new everyday. But anyhow, he got me to thinking. So I'm gonna be happy this once. Well, at least if I can help it. There's someone who makes me smile and if you're not that someone, then don't worry about it. I am not being negative! I promise. I'm just not putting up with the childs play. I want to be happy, so I will. Again, if I can help it. I'm gonna have to come back later and quote what was said to me. Oh yeah, and off the subject. Boko, if you're here reading this, the comment that you left on my "Untitled Poem, by Jenn" post. WOW! Talk about giving me something to think about. For you that didn't see, he said "you seem sad. . .in a beautiful way." That's like one of the most beautiful things I've heard/read. I was "awed" by it. And it completely fit my feelings. So thank you for that. Whoa, I'm getting all wow'd by it again. Whoo, it's like the Matrix! Okay, I forgot what I was bitching about, but since I'm being bitchy. . . Bill, you damn slacker. Where you at 'n shit?! You're boring me with your blag. Seriously. Do something already. I haven't even talked to you since you got you new vehicle! That's complete bullshit. Bullshit, I'll tell ya! You need to hike your ass to the mountain and fill me in. Oh yeah! I have lots to tell you too! Man you're so far behind on my life. What kind of friend are you?! Sheesh! Katie, whip that boy into shape for me. Oh and Dylan, you can handle my blag's as well as Katie's. We're cool like that! You didn't have to act all West Side about it. Okay, so I was just rudely interrupted by Katie and her sister Keri. They called me on the phone and they are both drunken mongrools. Katie, girl your sister was laying you down! She was ALL over the blAAg! Now that I've talked to Keri, I know that the accent is not blood driven. Katie's just a "true ChicAAgoan" as Keri said. Keri was all over the AA accent with Katie. It was rather cute. Katie, I was laughing WITH you ma, not AT you. Okay, I'm lying, I was laughing at you. But how could I not? Keri was handling you like a big sister do! Shit, I just got another phone call. Woot woo! More stuff to blog about. Just for you Dylan! Haha! So I've had a run in the peanut gallery for about, oh say 6 days now. I just don't get it. It started when I was in Phoenix, coming home. My ex, from about 5 years ago called. So I'm like, "uh, hey." Thinking, what the fuck?! Turns out, 'he misses me.' After 5 years?!?! But whatever. When I was in Cali. I got the phone call from the infamous DJ. Mr I'm a mystery to Jenn. Hey dicknose, I know who you are. There is no accent like yours, and I will keep hanging up on you. Mind you, this guy is like 35 and good looking, yeah. Too bad he's only trying to talk to me because I'm NOT interested. Yeah, Mr. I'm hott as they come, is used to the girly's. Yeah, well you're not all that. And you're not getting laid, so you can stop calling whenever you're ready. I don't mind. And he just called right after Katie. But this time, he told me who he was right away! Does this mean, he gets it now? No, it doesn't. But some people's kids, what can you do? Then yesterday I got a text message from Raul. Who I wouldn't put in to the peanut gallery category. But he is a guy that Mariah my "friend" used to see. So that was all outta-the-blue. He's really, really nice. Mariah lost him due to her lack of. . .um conscious? But anyhow, I got this text, "Hey Jenn. Have a good day tomorrow." Wow, okay! I will. I don't know, I was just surprised. And happy, because he's good people. Maybe we'll hang out sometime. Paul, my bestfriend called today. We haven't seen each other in a couple months, which is sad. He wanted to hang out. But he doesn't learn that I can't go right then and there. But I still love him. My old Sargeant called too. God, I miss her. And me, I'm a jerkoff and haven't called her back. So remind me to do that tomorrow, k? Anyhow, I'm sure I've bored you to death, but it's all good! Love me and love it!

To desire both mentally and physically. . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:10 AM 3 comments

Friday, October 15, 2004

Another Titleless Post, I Suck At Titles. . .So What?!

So it's been almost 5 days since I've been back from my vacation, and I finally unpacked yesterday. Talk about procrastination. I still haven't quite got back to "normal." Usually after a vacation, by the 2nd maybe 3rd day, I'm back to "normal." But I just can't seem to get there this time. I haven't done a damn thing since I've been back either, though. Home, work, home, work. Pretty much what my routine has been. Except for last night. I got crunked! Score! It was cool and different. I went to Valerie's house, which is like a 40 second walk with my cousin who turned 21. Yay! Kinda sad actually. She's the baby of the family, other than the grand kids, so we were all kinda sad about it. Anyhow, I was feeling like I just needed a beer and some good ol' fashioned girl fun. So I got a twelve pack of Corona (so I could open them with my lighter), and a couple of miniatures. When I got to Valerie's she said, "the beer's in the fridge." So I walked into the kitchen to get one and fucken nailed my leg on the oven. She had left it open. Sonofabitch it hurt. Thanks again Val. So then began the asinine and I hadn't even drank. So I figured, this should be an interesting night. So I grab a beer and so does Katrina (my cousin). I'm kinda nervous about her drinking. Like, I'm thinking I'm gonna come home and get in trouble for getting my little cousin drunk. Anyhow, so the "girl talk" began and of course it's about boys. I break out the laptop and share the pictures from my vacation, which led to a story for every picture. Played some music, and just kept throwing 'em back. I knew that Valerie and I could take out the 12 pack and still want more, so I decided on drinking really fast and smoking alot of cigarette's. It worked, I got pretty damn faded. Katrina had two beers and then needed to pee. When she came staggering down the hallway, I 86'd her on the alcohol. See, I'm a good big cousin! I told her that there was nothing wrong with being buzzed after only a couple. So she gave in and told us how fun it was to be dizzy. Val was on the phone with some Carlos guy, and she was telling me how cool he was and eventually I found out. I got to talk to him on the phone, and holy fuck this guy was cool. I want him to be like my big brother/shrink now. I don't know how or why, but I started telling him my life situation and where I'm at, and he had the best fucking things to say. Positive, but not blind. By not blind, I mean if he thinks it's wrong he'll tell you, but still he'd find the positive in it. I guess I could go on about this guy, who I don't know forever or something, but I won't. Just be jealous that I got to talk to him. And one thing he did say, "just go with your instincts." So after I was feeling good and done talking to Mr. Carlos, I started spamming with text messages. But I don't feel bad about it, so hah! It was fun, and I was real and Carlos said it's okay! Haha! Katie, sorry girl. I got caught up in the moment. I'll have to tell you more later. Anyhow, I ended up back in the living room after smoking cigarettes like they were crack. And we rolled around on the floor. I'm not sure how or why but yeah, Val and I played grab ass for a while. She was talking about girls she's kissed or something and I was like, "Hey, you wanna make out?!" But she just laughed at me, so no dice there. I guess I don't know how to spit game to a girl. Damn that sucks, I thought I was gonna get "crazy." But nooo! Then Val started playing DJ with the music. In which we were listening to the music on my computer. And come Eric's cd "Dead Flowers and New Seeds." Well Eric, you got props. We were laughing our asses off at any and everything when "Veini Con Me" came on, and Val just stopped and looked at, um nothing. She was concentrating on the song and so we're all wondering what's gonna come of this sudden stop and she say's, "OoOo, I wanna make love to this song." So we just stay quiet, stare at each other for a second and then bust up. So I'd say that's a good "critique" on your music, Eric. So Katrina and I come home at around, 3-ish, I think, and I'm thinking I'm not tired. Yeah right. I passed the fuck out. Woke up at 7am all :D, and then passed the right the fuck out again. Sweet-titties! All in all, I'd say it was a good night. A much needed time with a friend and a cousin, and I got to tell someone about what's going on in my life. Val's a cool cat, so being able to talk to her helped me. And Carlos too! Does this mean I'm stalking Val's "friend" Carlos? Damn! Anyhow, be happy for me that I had fun doing absolutely nothing. Ever fall asleep at work and drool all over? Yeah, that'll be me tonight when I go in for some OT. Damn Valerie woke me up at 9 this freakin' morning being all spastic that she can't find her phone. Turns out, she blacked out last night. Sweetass!! So later I'm gonna tell her how we dyked out and I'm all emotional that she doesn't remember.

*****************
Music reviews and what have you.

Okay, I have to give some mad props to "the boys" in Cali.
*First, I got a CD from Gabe of his old band. Which included Eric, his brother Dan and some other guys. The CD "The Difference Engine." WOW! Now there's only three tracks on this CD, but it had me stunned. Gabe on the first track is fucken awesome! And the band is just on point. I really do love it guys. Thanks for finding me be special enough to have your CD. Now I really feel you guys on the RIP, because you guys did it up and did it well. Gabe, you've always had my respect, but you've earned more with that. And knowing you guys sold-out in Hollywood, that says something. And it makes me happy to know that I know someone with talent! Gabe, you didn't tell me you could sing damnit! Don't hold out, sheesh!
*Second, I am happy to say that I am one of thee first people to get Eric's solo, which I've mentioned, "Dead Flowers and New Seeds." Mariah was the other. But he put mine in my hand first, so I'm the first damnit. Anyhow, I'm also "awed" by the talent. I think the CD is great and it fuckin' owns. It inspires me to write, which is really fuckin' kick ass. Given I haven't written in ages. And shit, it makes my friends want to have sex! Sweet huh? Just to let you know, my favorite tracks are "Act Two In A Play That Never Was," "Veini Con Me," and I just can't get enough of you and Gabe on "Stardog 187." It's actually my voicemail greeting now. Him asking you "How do you feel about your recent success in Europe?" and then laughing. That's priceless! Wow, I like that word lately.

Anyway, I think this post is boring, for the most part. Which I tend to be lately. Wait, maybe I always have been? Why don't you assholes tell me?! Damnit it, I'm going now.

Live and let love. . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 10:47 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Priceless Memories

I'm back! I haven't done a "real" post, since. But time hasn't allowed me to do so. God I'm such a cyber geek. I was thinking when I was gone that I was gonna have some major blog catching up to do. I mean, I'm a blog stalker now, or something. Gabe and Eric's friends all got rolling too. To think it all started with Gabe. Then I had to be a cool blog nerd too. Then Katie got one by accident. Then came Bill, and so forth and so on. Now I got this daily "blog run" I feel the need to complete. To include the blogs of, Katie, Bill, Chelle, JayPop, Boko, Gabe, Eric (their friends) James, Warren, Jamie and of course the hillarious Jason Mulgrew. I have all your blog addresses memorized too. So feel the love! If you want any of the others address/links whatever you want to call it, just ask and I shall tell. Anyhow, I'll post about the trip right now, as much as time permits. It was really fun and an experience. I have to mention that the post written a couple post before this "Untitled poem, by Jenn" was inspired when listening to Eric's cd (Awesome, I might add. More on that later.) and I was on the plane and it was thundering and lightning out. I took the last line "Act two in a play that never was," from one of Eric's track titles, so that's copyrighted to him. Don't sue me! Gabe and Eric showed Mariah and I a really good time. Mariah was sure to tell Gabe how good his hair looked on a daily basis. Which, if you know Gabe, his hair is that of importance. He does have nice hair. Eric and Gabe got to talk to Katie and hear her say her famous "blag." So they said it a few times too. Katie, you're a star! They turned us on to some really good music. Most of which I've been turned on to in the recent months. Mariah learned a lot in the world of music. Gabe bought the new "Codeseven," so we all got to break it in together. We all agree that it's a great cd. Ready for this. . . I learned to appreciate hardcore! I had already liked some, but VERY little. But I was feeling their style. Although at times I wanted to break something or someone, but still. We got to listen to some hip hop. A DJ Rectangle cd that was kickass. Gabe is pretty generous when it comes to DJ in the car (trucks). Which I thought would be opposite, given he's a music Nazi. I'm the freakin' DJ Nazi. But I did well. Well, because I didn't want to get jumped, but still. Oh yeah, Mariah learned to appreciate the word Nazi and decided on calling Gabe a Nazi followed by anything that fit at the time. She also decided on the nickname "Snatch." Which escalated to Snatchleberry and Snatcherella at times. It was really funny, because every time he had this look on his face. One I can't put into words. I learned that Gabe's faces on pictures are priceless! And also not able to be put into words. Eric is camera happy. Eric and I have lots of weird little things in common. IE: always having safety pins on our shirts, not looking at camera's when taking a pic, and there's more, but I'm shooting a blank. We even dressed the same one day. Precious huh? I made it a point to tell him to "quit trying to be like me." Gabe gave me a really pretty ring, while we were at the ocean. It was really sweet and romantic. We went to the store where he got it to look around, and strange enough I didn't really like anything. Had that ring he got me been in one of the cases, it would have been the one that I had to have. So score there. The guys got to hear some of George Lopez via Mariah and I. I think they hate him now. Because it was NON-STOP. Sorry guys, with the "Y tu? Tu quieres papa fritas?" Mostly Mariah, but I had to play too. We learned their cool way to give a high five and brought it home with us. Yeah, this shit's going global! We got tattoo's by Gabe's artist. So it's my fourth but not really. I got one covered up. My first tat with color though. I'm happy with the outcome. Thank God! It IS a freakin' tattoo. I met Gabe's mom. The "Queen," who not just anyone can meet. That was a really good time. She's awesome. Not to mention his dad, "The Dude," who naturally made us feel so comfortable, it's like being in your own home. Got to hang out with Dan (his brother), girlfriend Marleigh and roomate Nicki. That was funtimes. We ended up telling damn ghost stories all night. Thanks guys, I'm thee absolute biggest chicken shit in the world. Mariah and I got excited and started sharing New Mexico scary places. Then I got to see Eric and Dan play bloody knuckles. I got pictures and all I can say is, priceless! We got shnazzied up and hit Sunset Blvd. No, I didn't get to dance. But I still had a great time. Didn't meet any stars. Wait, I lie, I threw Paris Hilton in a bush. Sorry Eric. We jumped into the ocean at 11pm, drunk. My first time actually going in the ocean! Woot woo! Talk about the quickest sober up of your life. We didn't have the common sense to take our clothes off, so you know. Well actually, Gabe and Eric were in boxers, I in jeans and a cami, Mariah fully clothed. The three of them got their shoes wet though. So on the way back to the hotel, it looked something like: Eric in the driver seat in boxers, Mariah flying passenger in only underwear, Gabe in boxers and a t-shirt in back, next to me, in a hoodie and panties. Sweet huh?! Sorry mom! I was a good girl though, I promise! So when we get back to the hotel, I'm not even trying to get out like that, so I put on the only dry pants, Eric's. I learned that we don't wear the same size. When jumping up over the bed of the truck to get the rest of my clothes the pants fell off and Gabe was behind me, so I blushed. Not really, I felt like an embarresed asshole. I guess they all went in like that, but I was too busy being worried about me being not fully clothed. They're braver than I. Before that, we got into a game of "Truth or Dare," old school style. Soon they learned that I don't play fair or ever pick dare. So mostly I got to be entertained with them. The game consisted of: a digital camera picture of Gabe's balls, which earned him the nickname Pitbull; Eric going onto the balcony in boxers and trying to start conversation with on-goers; Mariah flashing them, taking off her pants to show her granny panties, and also giving a Corona bottle head. Which Dan heard about later and wanted to compete with Mariah. I think he won. Since I'm back on Dan, he's a fucking cool guy. Very outgoing, and funny as hell. He did some Windsor Pilates for us and drank a lot. There's a priceless picture of Dan on the floor, Gabe over him, and Eric over Gabe. It started out with a massage, if I'm not mistaken, and escalted to that. Yeah, that's how they do! Again, Gabe's face on that picture. . . priceless! I was honored at the fact that Gabe said that I was "cool enough" to wear a 30 Seconds to Mars t-shirt, given it's one of his favorite bands. AND, I got my very own. Two at that! Gabe got me one and let me have the one I borrowed. I think he gave it to me because I wore it the day after the tattoo, so it got all crusty. Which in turn became "the crusty shirt." Back to Hollywood, mind you NONE of this is in order. I'm just going as it comes. I get to say that I went to "The House of Blues." Sweet huh? We drove around forever looking for a hotel, and finally decided on one after checking about 8. Eric tried convincing us to stay at a crack shack where he killed three prostitues, but we were good on that. Then they wanted to go to some haunted hotel place, yeah right. So I could pee on myself and yak all over in front of them? Nuh uh, not having it. I missed it, but Gabe and Mariah got down to get the room, and played newlyweds while inside. But they came back laughing, and it seemed to be a highlight for them. Eric stole the drop box for room keys, and made it a decoration in our room. Which, he also played guitar for us that morning before we enjoyed our continental breakfast. Gabe and Eric seem to think I have an undiagnosed case of ADHD. Not funny guys! I guess maybe I gave them the idea, but still. Come on it's vacation! No time for sleep! It's over-rated anyhow. Oh yeah, I can't remember what morning, but Eric said, "Hey look guys. You see that? That's right, I have no sleep in my eyes!" So that then became a new term for us. Mariah had enough sleep in her eyes for the four of us. She slept her life away out there. Maybe it was that damn pink pillow she carried around with her any and every where. I guess it was like her "blanky." We got into some arguments too. But that's okay, we're human. And five days with four people, someone's bound to bicker. The guys learned in order to hear no bickering (not just the girls either), was to play hardcore really, really loud. I'd agree that it was a good idea. We went to an Italian restaurant called Gino's, and Gabe showed us how he was going to eat if he didn't get silverware. We got sound effects and the whole bit. It was a great laugh. We didn't get to have the planned party due to some change in others lives, but it's okay. We sat at Gabe's and watched some of "The Difference Engine" video's as well as "Lying Face Down." That was a joy for me. I was in awe with the talent. And I got to see them rock, especially John! I kid! I kid! Gabe, tears it up on the mic. And that threw me into space. I really enjoyed it. Mariah's jackass missed out because she wanted MORE sleep in her eyes, or Eric to follow her to bed, or what have you. After the TDE video's, they broke out some home videos. Very entertaining. The ultimate, was Eric and some friends dropping it like it's hott to DMX's "Ruff Ryders Anthem." Priceless, just freakin' priceless. Also, the very cute video of Gabe and Eric celebrating Christmas, listening to Christmas jams and all. Looking all shnazzy! They're just precious! Oh yeah, I have to bask yet again in my victory. I FINALLY learned how to pop a Corona bottle with a lighter. Fuck yeah, bitches! Eric taught me how. I was so stoked. I've wanted to learn that since I was an underage alcoholic! I learned now in my old age, but still! I haven't seen any other girls do it. I'm sure there's some, but so! Okay, I'm not gonna proof read this post, I know it's been a long one. So I'll stop. But after going through it briefly, I noticed how many times I used the word priceless. Really, all the little things are what made the trip so special. So. . .California, Mariah, Gabe and Eric for 5 days. . .to sum it up, I'd say it was PRICELESS!

Thanks for the kickass time, the experience, and most definately, the memories! You guys rock!
Much love!
posted by Jenn Doll at 5:50 AM 4 comments

desired constellation

it's tricky when you feel someone
has done something on your behalf
it's slippery when your sense of justice
murmurs underneath and is asking you
how am I going to make it right?
with a palm full of stars
I throw them like dice ...repeatedly
on the table ...repeatedly
I shake them like dice
and throw them on the table ...repeatedly
repeatedly until the desired constellation appears
how am I going to make it right?
and you hear
how am I going to make it right?

Bjork "Desired Constellation"
posted by Jenn Doll at 12:27 AM 0 comments

Monday, October 11, 2004

Untitled Poem, By Jenn

Lightning strikes, a bolt through the heart…
Thunder booms, equivalent to sounds of the depart…
Out the window, into the darkness I stare. . .
Nothing abroad, but the sweet city glare. . .
Lost in the universe, your face now out of sight. . .
Holding back emotions, arduous to fight…
An experience gained, a life lesson learned…
Left wanting your touch, all my heart yearns…
Now it’s gone, the time has passed…
Analyzing the world, brain spread, like broken glass…
What’s to come next, where do I go…
An answer, only the future holds…
Alone with my heart, and this feeling of lust…
“Act two in a play that never was”…






posted by Jenn Doll at 4:14 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Don't Make Me Eat Soap, Mom

Well, I was just reading over some of my posts, because I have judgement day after 6 :P. But I just realized in my recent posts how much I've been cussing. Jesus, what is wrong with me?! I think I need new friends. I'll go shopping for some next week. I remember it was extremely rare for me to cuss. To a point that when I would, others would drop their jaw and be like whoa Jenn! So I'm gonna start behaving. For real. I think that some may think I'm an ass! Sheesh! Katie got me started with the "bitches" and the "assrammers" and so on. Okay, I'm not stopping. I just realized how much it makes me laugh when we say it. So here's for anyone who reads this here blog. When I'm cussing I'm not REALLY cussing. Make sense? Probably not, but you know. And you have to admit, curse words just make things funny sometimes. Or gets the point across, yanno? I need to be a lady. I could take those classes, um. . .Damn, I can't think of what their called. Elegance stuff, you know. But I can be elegant. I swear! I sport stiletto's and stuff. I can even dance in them. Drunk too. I've never fallen! Wait, let me knock on wood and thank God. Please God, don't let it happen now when I'm in California. So yeah, I'm gonna TRY to not curse any more and be a lady. I'm sorry Mom!

"I try to keep it clean, but sometimes a good fuck! or shit! provides just the release I need. Say you drop something heavy on your foot. "Gosh darn it!" doesn't cut it. And why should it? Language Hitlers say anyone who swears doesn't have sufficient mastery of the language. Bullshit. Invoke Shakespeare when someone cuts you off in traffic and see how fast you get through town. Some folks can remember when they first heard the word "fuck" or "shit." I only remember being convinced that saying fuck would send me straight to hell, where you can cuss to your heart's content as demons stick red-hot pokers up your ass." (I got this from a website, but don't remember which one. Please don't sue me.)

P.S. This definately my last post, 'til I get back. We leave in 9 hours! Woopdie woo! Thought I'd change it up a bit from the woot woo's.
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:26 AM 31 comments

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Blog Comment This

Is it possible for someone not to 'like' you based off a couple of comments you left on a blog. Comments that meant nothing at that. I guess some people are just sensitive at blog comments. It's like whoa! Back up, take a deep breath, it's only a blog! Well, not really. I'm a little irate at the fact that I'm not liked based off of some comments I left on a couple of blogs. Yeah, not even mine. Sweet huh? Thing is, it's someone that knows someone I know. I don't want that someone I know to have friends who don't like me. Yes, I care. But at the same time, should I? I mean the first comment I was being sarcastic. It meant NOTHING. But it's hard to get someone's sarcasm when YOU DON'T KNOW THEM! The second comment meant absolutely nothing at all 'mind you.' And yeah, maybe it shouldn't be bothering me, but I'm totally astonished at the fact that it's stupid shit that people made a big deal. I'm more mad at myself that it's bothering me. Sheesh! Can I get a witness?! So to be upset or whatever it is, at nothing, fine. If it's what floats your boat, run with it. Just don't trip and fall over your stupidity. And I will say it again, Gabe you are right! And I'm sorry. Forgive me? If you want to know what comments were made, just ask. I try my hardest to see the glass as half full, but sometimes I'm like, hey who drank the other half?! As you know, I get over things VERY fast. Which, can be bad, because in turn I at times end up a doormat. Anyhow, I'll be over this soon. But for now, I'm sad! :( Hold me?
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:40 PM 3 comments

I Need a Title For This Post

I'm here at work, not working. . .AGAIN! Man I just can't get with it this week. I think it's because I'm just ready for my vacation. So I don't want to work. It's not good! I'm gonna get taken into the "office." That's no fun. I got taken into the "office" the other day. It went something like. . .

Supervisor - "So how are you?"
Me - (Thinking, oh god, shut up and tell me why I'm here) "Good! Ready for my vacation, and you?"
Supervisor - "Good. When do you leave?"
Me - "Wednesday"
Supervisor - "So, what are you going to do about your lip ring?"
Me - (Thinking, nothing what are YOU going to do about my lip ring?! But being a pansy and saying. . .) "Well I've looked into what I think they call a spacer? Something to keep in it so it doesn't close. Like maybe a clear one."
Supervisor "You can't put a clear one."
Me - "Well it closes in only 10 minutes. I took it out the other day and it was already closing when I put it back in."
Superviosr - "It closes that fast?!"
Me - "Yeah. And the girl that works at HR has her labret pierced! She works with the public ALL the time. And she's human resources."
Superviosr - "Well, that's our HR yeah, but we're under the Sheriff's Dept. SOP. And the county contract too. So it's different."

Different?! What the fuck? They are HUMAN RESOURCES! Do you follow Misses Stupidvisor? What they say goes! We have like 2 contracts and then a separate dress code thingy. That's bull shit! The contract that says nothing about piercings is the one I read. So eat it fuckers! The OTHER conract says nothing about it either. The gay little dresscode one, that some random dipshit typed up, says that piercings are "inappropriate." That does NOT mean, can not. It means, should not. There is a difference. AND now all of a sudden I can't have my tongue pierced either? I wore the fucking tongue ring to the interview. Jackass. Oh, but the officers can come in here with all kinds of tattoo's. Fuck that! I will prevail! For real. We're not supposed to wear jeans or tenny shoes. And that's ALL we wear in this department. "Well, it's an incentive since you guys are a 24 department." Um, nooo! If you're going to enforce rules enforce them! I will start fighting that we can't wear jeans and tenny shoes. I don't care if it means I can't. Given I'm pretty much wearing what looks like pajama's right now. Some grey sweats, that have the little bell bottom going on. They say "rebel" on the ass, and a crown on the front left, that says, "Princess University." All cute! No, it's fucken cheese, but they're not mine. I got them from Mariah one night. Also wearing a t-shirt. So next time, I may just be in a 3-piece "career" suit. I don't care. I have dress clothes. I'll live. Thing is, if they enforce that, people WILL start bitching. And they'll throw in the "just let her keep her fuckin' lip ring!" It just might work. And the girl at HR probably won't like me after, but fuck that, no special privelages here. But on the real, I'll give my supervisor props. She really has been cool and understanding about it. I just talk shit, because I have to go on a mission to find some almost invisible stud or something. But I refuse to let it close. It's NOT happening. It was $70 to get it done. I had to walk around with a fat lip for days. And now, I just think it's hott! So not only no, but hell no! Why is that the 10 holes I have in my ears aren't a problem? Those are body modifications as well. So are my tattoo's that are "okay to have." Work with me people. Help me make sense of this. I have a feeling this will go up the "chain." Of command that is. And if that happens, that means I'm in trouble. But that's what the chain's there for! If you can't work with the "specialist," then go to the supervisor. If that's not working, Sargeant, Lieutenant, Captain and so forth. It won't go past Lt. though. If it does, that means I won't have a job after. So you know. Speaking of tattoo's, I'm getting another on Friday! Woot woo! I can't wait. Mariah's getting something too. Don't ask what we're getting, because we don't know. We're gansta like that. And George Lopez is coming! And I didn't get tickets Saturday when the went on sale. He WILL sell out :(. I'm taking donations. Just email me if you wanna help out. I just realized that I really need to pee, but I've been to busy blogging. What a tard I am. But then again, I'd have to go to the bathroom where the temperature is below zero. And yeah, I'm not lucky enough to have a penis, so I have to squat. Freezing porcelain is hard on the ass! Sheesh! Can I get a fuckin' heater up in here?! And then you go to wash your hands and the water is so cold you have icicles on your fingers. That makes it hard to poke my nose! Those are the perks of working for the fuzz! Don't hate! Well, obviosly I'm just rambling on. But I figured if Katie can, I can. I am woman, hear me roar! (Eww) Katie, you need to drop your "we hate all men" class. That's absolute gay-ness. For real lady. Maybe you're only taking it because you have to? I hope that's the case. Because if not, we can't be friends anymore. Men are men. Women are women. Don't feed the hate! Whoa, I just turned into some kind of preacher, or prophet, or something cool like that. "I'm not a prophet and I won't preach to you, but heres a caution. You better understand that I won't hold your hand, but if it helps you mend then I won't stop it." Audioslave, xoxo! I just serenated you Katie. That's for me acting queer-bo and preaching to you. You go with you're "shewoman man haters club." Just don't tell me 'bout it, k. I love men. Or no, I like them. Or no, I think they're fun to look at. Haha, I'm acting like a p-i-m-p! You can't faze meh! Okay, I should REALLY stop now. And I really do like men. C'mon don't be stupid. So I guess I'll work, after I go freeze my ass in the little girls room to make pee-pee. I leave for Cali-forn-i-a manana! Yeah baby! Gabe and I are gonna run to each other in slow motion, and then he's gonna spin me around, like in the movies. It's gonna be awesome. But the only difference is, my fat ass will topple over on him and break something on him or myself, then we'll have to go to the ER in Burbank and the whole trip will be ruined. Like I said, it's gonna be awesome. This may be my last post until my great return. I will probably be too excited to post tomorrow night. But I will try. Please wipe your tears away, for it is only five days! Much love bitches! Until next time. . .

I have no time to think of a cool quote or some lyrics, because I am now doing the "pee-pee dance."


posted by Jenn Doll at 4:37 AM 33 comments

Monday, October 04, 2004

Tip: Stalking is illegal in 52 states

Ofuckingk. I'm gonna try that post that got deleted AGAIN! I'll do the best I can to remember what it said. It went something like this. . .

Okay, so I haven't had a celebrity crush since New Kids on the Block. Yeah fuckers, I said New Kids on the Block. They were my first concert, if you must. Go ahead, talk shit. Usually, if I'm all "wow" about a celebrity it lasts about a week, IF that. So anyhow, I have this new celebrity obsession. . .Chris Cornell! Man he's the freakin' shit! Then I saw my first Audioslave video, and damn he's hott! And those eyes! OH...MY...GOD, those eyes! Which only added to his already awesome vocals. My obsession started with Audioslave. I liked him with Soundgarden, but I didn't pay him any special attention. Then he did a solo, which I won't lie and say I knew about. Then there was Audioslave. I am totally into their cd. I like every damn track, as I've mentioned before. I liked Rage, but again, I won't lie and say that I was into them all hardcore. But I think it's two great talents come together. I've gotten many different opinions on Audioslave, as does any band. I like to hear the difference of opinion, but please don't try to convince me not to like them. It's senseless. You don't have to like them, I do! Woot woo! I really hate the "they're sell-outs" opinion. Not just for Audioslave, but for any bands that come together to "do it up." IE: Velvet Revolver. I think it's kickass when amazing talents come together to try something new. No they may not always "make it" as before, but I think they still deserve their respect. Anyhow, Bill recommended that I download a song from Chris Cornell's solo, "Euphoria Morning." Which he ended up letting me download from him. The song was "When I'm Down." Son of a bitch that song owns! I got all excited! Chris Cornell's voice is freakin' golden. It's sexy as hell, too! It reminds me of a song for a strip tease, or as I call them songs, "baby making music." So in hearing that song, my love for Chris Cornell continues to grow! Gabe had been telling me to go get the cd, so I put it on hold. I heard he does a sweet "Ave Maria." I can't wait to hear it! I got yelled at for not having patience. Because it was on Ebay for a little over 3 bucks. But I don't want to wait a week. I want it now damnit! I wish I would have gotten it tonight. But noooo, I wanted to catch 30 minutes of "z's" before work. Dumb girl! Now I'm mad at me. Sheesh, Jenn, if you would have just got your lazy us up you would have your fucken Chris Cornell cd. Now you can suffer, bitch. So anyhow, this obsession will eventually grow into a sad case of stalking. Please don't call the cops on me Chris. I work for them and that would look bad on my part. I promise I'll try to keep as least creepy as possible. I know you married some beautiful supermodel, but I don't mind, for real. And if you could, would you get on the next cd. Whether it'd be Audioslave or a solo. I'm not picky. And what I really wanted to ask you is, if you could sit down and start scheduling for you next tour. If you just can't make it here to New Mexico, Arizona or Colorado would be fine. I promise I won't throw my bra or panties at you. Or at least I'll try. And I'll jump around and scream and get all sweaty, possibly faint in the audience, like a jackass. It'll be awesome! Serious. And Bill, did I forget to mention how much I love you? Until next time. . .

Chris Cornell bitches!

"The door is opening on your vigil and I'm in my usual way. . ."
posted by Jenn Doll at 2:44 AM 2 comments

!@#$*&!@$

Son of a mother fucking bitch ass mother fucker! Now I'm feeling fucking violent. I just did a kick ass post and there's fucking technical difficulties with Blogger. Now that's some shit! Son of a bitch, I'm gonna get my AK and put a hole in this computer. Well, I need an AK first. But after I get one, I'm gonna do it. For real, don't laugh, bitches! ak;jf;alskdjf;asdj faf;asdfj FUck it all to hell! Fuck it all to hell! SHIT SHIT SHIT!
posted by Jenn Doll at 1:41 AM 1 comments

Saturday, October 02, 2004

So I've been up since 7am. Yeah, that sucks. I can't sleep at nights, but I attempted to last night. It didn't work out so well. I went to bed at about 3am, maybe it was 4. I was up by 7. I tried and tried to go back to sleep, but NOT happening. So I waited for Damian to wake up, which he did at 7:30, got him ready and sent him off to school. Then I thought, it's early, I can get lots done. So I started cleaning. My room too! I had been wanting to tackle it for a while now. So I kicked on some music and got right to it. Put some laundry in, and then hit the closet. I ended up counting my shoes. Turns out, I'm a dumb girly girl, and I have 27 pairs! I was like, whoa! Why is it that I wear like 5 or 6 pairs. And usually, it's the same 3 pairs. I still have tags on like 3 or 4. I looked over them to see which ones I don't want, but I want them all damnit! I still don't have any jeans that I REALLY like. That hurts my feelings. I can never ever find jeans I like. I absolutely despise shopping for jeans. I need to keep working on the "hourglass" figure. Then it won't matter. But I've slacked on the gym for like 3 weeks now. AND eating whatever whenever I want, again. Not good. I'll fix it though! I will! When I get back from California. 'Cause right now I just don't feel like it. So today was pretty eventful for Damian and I. He left for school early to watch a hot air balloon lift off from his school grounds. After school I took him to his school's annual "Fall Festival," where he played games and got candy and toys. After, we went over to Grandma Gina's for about 30 minutes and then headed out to a movie. We watched "Sharks Tale." It's a cute movie. I totally love the "rasta" jellyfish. "Every little thing is gonna be alright." After the movie we headed on down to Mariah's new apartment. It's quite shnazzy! Her furniture though, is too light. For them, anyhow. They party, and people pass out everywhere and puke, and so forth. When I got there, it was only me. Then after about 10 minutes, here come "the boys." I'm thinking, uh oh! It's Adam, Mike, Tommy, Johnny, Martin, Ruben, and two new guys, me, Mariah and Damian. So naturally, Damian is getting special attention. This group of guys are all pretty young, but they are all great with kids! Everytime too. So Damian was loving it. So we hung out there, then I decided time to go, before they get drunk. I got the, "don't go's" and the "just have one drink's." But they respect that I am how I am with Damian, so it was cool. Okay I've been gone for about 15 minutes from typing this, and I'm talking to people who are being negative, so it killed my posting mood. So I'm out. Until next time. . .

"You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."


posted by Jenn Doll at 1:49 AM 4 comments