Jenn's Reverie

This morning when I got off of work, my mom and I talked. We hadn't done that in a really long time. We used to make sure to go have dinner at least once a month, just to catch up. But that doesn't happen anymore. She is always making sure my grandma is busy and not bored, since my grandpa passed away. Plus she has her boyfriend (of 10 years), and they're always doing something. But this morning we sat on the couches opposite of each other and just talked. I don't even know how it started. But it was great. She even teared up at one point. The conversation was based on me. So much that she doesn't know. Love interests, heart ache, friends, and so much more. Today was the first time ever that we both acknowledge my relationship with Ross. Well the ending of it. She didn't like him much, so it was always kinda like, 'I wish you would just get over him.' My brother and his girlfriend wish that "Jenn would settle down." And I don't? I mean, I'm not necessarily looking to settle down. It'll happen when it's suppose to. It came up how I party. She doesn't mind anymore. She realizes now that I'm a single parent and it's not bad that I go out when my son is with his dad or his side of the family. It's not like I look for a baby sitter to go out. Of course I go out. How the hell else am I suppose to meet people? Then it came up how I "sleep all day." No shit?! I work graveyard. She didn't say that. My brother did. But he loves me. When I go there after work for them to watch my son while I sleep, I hear him telling the kids to quite down 'cause "your auntie's/mom's sleeping." He wants me to settle down because him and his girlfriend love to double. My brother tends to think every guy he's met is a "fag." Aww, he's being protective with his little sister! I love you big brother. My oldest brother thinks they're all cool, just so I could settle down. Bad thing is, my brother's and mom's boyfriend think that "guys JUST want sex." Okay, not that I don't agree to an extent. But it doesn't mean that guys always get what they want. I'm a big girl, I know what I'm doing. So I have a lot of guy friends. Most of my closest friends are guys. So yeah. Imagine what my brother's and mom's boyfriend think! Eventually, they meet some of my friends girlfriends and then they have to be like, "Okay, just him!" Haha, it's great! So anyhow, my mom was surprised to hear me admit to my party binge after Ross and I. I told her how I know I went off on the party scene. I told her that it was how I dealt with things. I told her that it was hard because everyone thought, "He's an asshole! Why would it hurt?" I told her that being the outcast of the family was hard too. I mean, she was with my dad for 20 years 'til death did them part, then she's been with her boyfriend for a long time too. My oldest brother has been with his girlfriend (who we can't stand, but it's not our choice), for roughly 13 years now. They have their two daughters. And my other brother has been with his girlfriend (my REALest ever friend) for about 8 years and they have one and one on the way. I'm thee outcast. I'm the single parent. I told my mom, "If Eddie or Danny (my brother's) were single, they'd be at the clubs with me." The other day Marylyn, (Eddie's girfriend) asked me what I was doing on Christmas Eve. Reason being, my family had ALWAYS celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. We went to grandma's house ate, went to see lights, enjoyed the family time and opened presents at midnight. On Christmas day we went to visit dads side of the family. Well, I lost my dad at the age of 12, so we didn't do his side of the family on Christmas anymore. That's a whole other story. But we still did Christmas Eve at grandma's. It was grandma, grandpa, mom, brothers, mom's brother, his wife and 3 kids. My closest cousins. Then when I had Damian I asked if we could start celebrating on Christmas day so that we could do Eve with Ross and his family. Given Ross's birthday is Christmas Eve. It was hard for my family to switch up the tradition but for me and Damian they did it. Well, my uncle (moms brother) is an assrammer, so we don't see them on Christmas anymore. My oldest brother has a hard time with Christmas because of dad, so he makes it a little hard on us. And grandpa passed away last year. Well, now that I'm no longer with Ross, Damian goes to his house on Eve and my mom and her boyfriend do what they do and grandma goes with them. My brother's do their things with their girlfriends. So I'm all alone. Don't be sad. I'm not. The last couple of years I hung out with Mariah and her family, but I'm not feeling that this year. On Christmas day this year, it's only be a few of us. But I'm actually off. I haven't had a holiday off in 2 years! I have New Year's Eve off too! Hell yeah. They happen to fall on my days off. So anyway, on Christmas Eve I'll be with my brother and Marylyn and her family and all their five hundred kids. I just hate it because Damian's not with me, and he'd have fun with all the kiddies. Stupid Ross. Anyway, talking with mom this morning felt good. I told her that I'm planning a trip to Vegas. I told her that I'm planning a trip to take Damian to Disney Land. I told her that I'm working all this overtime so I can help her pay her house taxes. It was a good talk. Seeing her tear up reminded me of important we are to each other. Not that I ever forgot. Naturally, we're at each other's throats, living together. We're both women with an opinion. But without my mom, I'd be a very sad case. She helps me with Damian. She had to be mom and dad when dad died. She had to raise 3 kids. Not to mention, my oldest brother was 17, the age of going from boy to teen to man. The age when a boy needs his dad. My other brother 13, going through puberty. As I mentioned, I was 12. But my brothers are two of the greatest father's I know. They love their daughter's with all they have. They provide for their families just like my dad did. With me, my mom raised me to be a good mother myself. If it weren't for her I don't know what I'd do. Who'd watch Damian while I work? How would I have gotten my first car? Who'd tell me that I'm a damn good mom? Who'd help me raise my son like she has? Again, without mom, I'd be a sad case. I love my mom!!
This post wasn't meant to be sad. Maybe it seems sad. But it's not! For real! Just talking to my mom this morning felt good.
And read the post before this. I posted twice today. You're probably in it!

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my mother. -Abraham Lincoln