Jenn's Reverie

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

A Piece of Heaven. . .

8:43am, November 29, 2004. 7 pds. 11 oz. Britney (I'm spelling that wrong, but don't tell) Juanita (after grandma). She's GORGEOUS. She has sooo much hair. Jet black like all the rest of us. Thanks to my dad for the hair. You know when baby girls finally get hair long enough to make a pigtail or two and it sticks straight up? Well she was born with enough for that. I got off of work at 7am and it was snowing, a lot! My brother had called and said it would be time, soon. I stopped and grabbed him and his gf's mom some breakfast and headed to the hospital in the all the snow. Her labor went very smoothly. Her first labor was VERY rough and painful. She listened this time and didn't go natural. So anyhow, I thank God for the timing. They were telling her that she was going to go into labor when I went on my vacation. She didn't. She also waited 'til I got off of work. So I saw when my niece was brought into this world. I cried and was in total awe. It was the most beautiful thing ever. Hearing her cry for the first time. Those were the best tears of joy. Made me start remembering when I had Damian. Wow, we women are lucky to have that experience. I loved being pregnant. It was always like, "Wow! There's a person growing inside of me. And living and feeding off of me. HERE because of me." So I thank God that I was able to experience this. I saw a piece of heaven. She was God sent.
Eric, I think it's really cool that you got to experience that with your mom and brother. There are many men who don't get that opportunity. The labor and delivery rooms are always full of women and the only man is the father. If that at times. I think it say's a lot about you wanting to do that. Kudos to you! To anyone who hasn't got to experience this, if you EVER have the opportunity, DO NOT miss it. I have pictures of the snow and my new niece. I just don't have freakin' 'Hello' to post them here. So maybe one of you would do the honors for me?! I'll love you forever! *flutters eye lashes. Anyone, with how great my time's been lately and what I got to experience today, I'm reminded of how beautiful life is and that really, there's nothing THAT bad. The only thing we're guaranteed in life is death. So why not live it to the fullest?. . .

I'm stoked about all the comments I've been getting lately. I love it! So shouts to Katie, Bill, Jamie, Jay, Eric, Gabe, Ariel, Chelle and Michy (when you come back), anyone I missed, sorry! I know some of you read and don't comment. Start commenting damnit. It's the bestest.

I would like to thank Eric and Gabe for burning me on my blog. I can't believe my jackass hasn't thought to look at the Codeseven booklet thing in the jewel case. I always go to the computer/internet for EVERYTHING. I don't know why I never looked at that booklet. Well, actually, I did. When I was out there. But I told you my damn memory's shot. You could have damn text messaged me to tell me. But nooooo, you'd rather embarrass me thanks. I have the jewel case in my car. I'll check it out later. Oh yeah, Gabe, thanks for the 411 on the 30 Seconds to Mars too. I'll for sure be buying that. They play a clip of one of their songs on one of the 'Pimp My Ride' episodes. I thought that was baddass! And Eric, Jamie burned you on here too. You said the raddest chick couldn't get you to dance, and she said she "DID biatch." I could get you to dance with me. I have Gemini powers or something. Sheesh!

As for my new found 'love interest.' My "Bello." (Bello is Italian for a good looking man. A name/word that must be earned I say.) The past couple day's we haven't talked or text messaged much. It's been a busy couple days. I'm sure on his end too. I'm slowly dying inside wanting to spend time with him again. So hopefully soon. . .

Katie, welcome back Ma! I've damn missed you. I can't be without the comments de Katie. I mean, who else do I have to talk shit to me?
Bill, quit being mature already! I don't know what the hell's going on with you lately, but save the matureness for your OLD friends. You damn go to bed at 8 and get up and 7! WHAT IS THAT?! How do I know? Because that's when you post. You should be instigating a fight between Katie and I. Or lying and telling people that we've slept with each other. So you had better straighten out your act! I miss you Billy Jack!

As for music. I've been listening to Bjork. I really, really like 'Joga' off of the Homogenic album. I like what I've heard of the album so far. When I get new CD's I like to listen to them when I'm alone so that I can really get a feel for the music. I haven't had much alone time to do this, so tis why it's taking me some time to get through the Bjork CD's. Also, because I've gotten 4 CD's from Mario and Sharon recently. So I have some catching up to do. I had just bought a bigger CD case, now I have to buy another one. My Whiskeytown - Pneumonia is my next CD gift. I can't wait. And now that I know the new 30 STM is coming out, I'm excited. I love having such a huge music selection. It's just sucks because I want to hear it all! Now Portishead needs to hit us with a new CD and my 2005 will be just perfect!

So I decided I'm trading in my car. I love my car so so much. And I've had many a fun times and plenty of memories. But it's time I invest my hard earned money on bigger and better things. Like a place of my own. I had my own place for a while, mom had moved to a another city near by and left me the house and bills, but before my grandpa passed away and was sick she had moved back to be closer to take care of him. Right now it's my mom, her bf of 11 or so years, myself and of course my son. Her boyfriend is good to her, but he and I just DO NOT click. I busted his nose once if that helps you understand how much we don't click. I don't care though. As long as he's good to her. He's great with my son too. And my son loves him. So anyhow, I plan on trading my car and getting a nice SUV. With the payment I have now I know that I can afford something nice. My car I will brag about 'cause I've busted my ass for it. I bought in '01. It's an '02 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder, 5 speed, fully loaded Silver baby! With a black top. About a year a go I bought a body kit, which I never put on. Some 'euro tails,' a K&N Filter and some 17" chrome wheels with some low pro tires. No, I didn't euro it out. The kit was just really nice. The 'euro tails' are just much better looking than the stock as well as the chrome wheels. I love my car oh so much, but it's time to give up the unnecessary luxuries and be a big girl. So wish me luck with that.

I wanted to say more, as of if this isn't long enough, but I have 2 deputies here in the office visiting so I'm out for now.

posted by Jenn Doll at 3:03 AM 31 comments

Monday, November 29, 2004

Boo, Baby Girl, Music, Drunken Tom Foolery, Losing Patience

I don't like that a lot of you aren't posting. It sucks damnit. Michy, Chelle, Katie, Boko, Dylan. Sad, just sad. BOO! Haha. Now that I boo'd you guys. I freakin' love when people boo something. I think it's funny EVERY damn time. Like Ariel boo'd Mozilla in one of my comments. It's freakin' great, I tell ya.

So anyhow, as of this very moment my brother's girlfriend is in labor!!! I'm SO SO SO excited. I'm waiting for him to call me so that I can go to the hospital with them. He's waiting 'til it gets closer to time to push. I've never seen the birth of a baby. Yeah, I have my son. But I didn't see. Shit, I'm not THAT flexible. So anyhow, I'm full of overwhelming excitemen. It's a girl! They're undecided on a name though. I'm hoping they stick with Makayla (spelled different). I love it. This will be niece #4! Yay-yuh! My oldest brother has 2, Savannah & Danyel (after my daddy), and my 2nd oldes brother has Breanna and this one on the way! I'm the only one with a boy. Anyhow, I can't wait 'til my brother calls!!

Yesterday Sharon surprised me with four CD's! I was all excited and so happy that she thought of me. She said, "I thought you'd like these." And I do! She gave me Def Leppard - The Vault 1980-1995, Scorpions - Millenium Edition, Journey- Greatest Hits, and Bon Jovi - New Jersey. So I got me some old school. I really like these CD's. Thanks to Sharon! I know you hate anything by Journey, Katie. Just shhh! I've been playing Codeseven - Dancing Echoes and Dead Sounds a lot too. I don't know how I failed to mention that on my previous post. I really, really like it. I can't find the damn lyrics anywhere though. This CD has been nothing but that of a treasure hunt. It was hard enough to find. It's been kinda fun though. It was fun trying to find it and it's been just as fun trying to find the lyrics. Though I've been unsuccessful. I guess I could try their official website. That's an idea. So on my way to work, again, I was listening to 'The Quiet Storm.' They played that one song, "this one's for my homies, in that gangsterlean." Remember that?! I was all jamming it. Everytime I listen to the damn 'Quiet Storm' I'm taken down an insane trip on memory lane. They play lots of older songs. It still amazes me how much music affects the mood and feeling. It amazes me how much music I feel myself relating to lately. Outta-the-blue, I'm more infatuated with Bam with every new episode. I think I'm gonna buy me this season on DVD. Maybe I'll get the others too.

So I was thinking about some drunken stupor's that I've been involved in. Or actually, that involve me. Mostly falling, and I thought I'd share. So here starts the Tom Foolery.
- Once at "Spring Crawl," I got into one of the clubs, which is usually impossible unless you're there extremely early, but we happened to know one of the bouncers. We went in and slammed roughly 6 shots back-to-back. Went back out to the streets and had a blast. When I realized we were the last of the crowd, we started walking back to the car. I had big boots on. Not the stiletto's I wear these day's, but the big bulky one's. I managed to miss the curb when walking and fell pretty fuckin' hard. It was on the damn corner too. I was layed out and decided to stay there for a minute while laughing really hard and being very drunk and dizzy. I looked over, saw some cops, smiled and said HI! They laughed, said hi, and walked away. Embarrassing, not really. I was too drunk to care. My friends were. But I'm sure I looked like some dumb prostitute on the corner.
-One night we were at "Banana Joe's," a 3 story night club. I was wearing a leather belt that I had hanging on my hips, so not going through the loops on my pants. Leather tends to stretch, which my belt did from so much dancing. At one point on the dance floor I looked down and it was wrapped around my ankles. I thought those guys were checking me out. Dumbass Jenn, dumbass! Got even more drunk, when leaving, the belt had managed to fall around my ankles again, causing my already staggering ass to fall. My bestfriend Paul trying to help me up was just as drunk and managed to tumble on me. We laid there while the crowd stepped over us to get out of the door. Nice one Jenn. I no longer own any leather belts. Though I would have probably fell without it.
-Mariah and I go back to her apartment EXTREMELY drunk. I race to the bathroom, needing to pee. She's yelling, "hurry, I don't feel good." About twenty minutes later I woke up sitting on the toilet. I never lifted the seat. I never pulled down my pants. I never peed. I had simply sat down and passed out. I walked out to the kitchen to find Mariah standing with her head half on the counter, half in the sink. She had passed out too. Go drunk Hispanics! I wonder if anyone saw?
-Went to "Fall Crawl" with Paul, Elias and Mariah one year. I had drank some Bacardi Limon. Dumb idea. After puking in a port-a-pottie, EWW! I felt better. Trying to diss Paul and Elias 'cause I never met anyone when I was with them. (Which it was always the 3 of us, and here and there Mariah.) Anyhow, when trying to loose them, I turned around to see where they were and walked into a trashcan. Mariah managed to laugh loud enough so that hundreds of people would look at me. Nice job Mariah. Bitch.
-Was waiting outside "Neds" for Mariah and the rest of the crew. I was leaning up against the fence checking out the 8 or so fireman standing in the middle of the street. Some girl with huge boobs walks by and say's, "Damn!" in reference to the fireman right in front of me. So they're all looking and smiling and giggling or what have you. So I tell her to flash them. She's like, "nooo, hehehe." I knew she would after that girly, I'll-pretend-I-don't-want-to-at-first answer. So I told her again. So she said okay. I yell to the fireman and say, "I have something for you." They're asking "what!?" So she flashes them and they cheer and clap. So I'm trying to get all these girls to flash them. I'm enjoying my time and still leaning against the fence, all the while balancing on the heel of my shoes. Stiletto's mind you. When one snapped. I didn't fall, but I know people saw. Stupid Jenn! They're stiletto's! You don't freakin' spin around on them. So much for me entertaining the fireman eh.
-And the ultimate. Went to Wal-Mart after partying downtown. Wanted some late night snacks. It was myself, Paul, Elias, Peter and some other guy. I had those same fuckin' boots on. The bulky ones. We're walking to the register (I'm drunk) with our cookies and other junk food, when all of a sudden you hear a loud thump. Guess what the thump was? Yeah, me. I fuckin' ate shit right in front of the registers. The guys laughed and walked away in embarrassment. Bastards. One of them was asking me if I was okay and trying to help me up. One of the workers was looking at me with the I-know-you're-drunk look, asking, "are you okay?" And I said, "There's no slippery when wet sign here." We smirked at each other and I went and yelled at the guys for leaving me there. Jenn prevails yet again.

Do I learn? No. Do any of us?

Oh, and Jamie, my last post about my first kiss with him was not meant to be soft porn for you. Sheesh!

I'm getting impatient waiting for my brother to call. I told him that I wouldn't bother him and I'd wait 'til he called me. I lied. . .

posted by Jenn Doll at 3:20 AM 11 comments

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Scatter Brain

Here's post number 2. I just realized I didn't post about my Thanksgiving. See what I mean!? Scatter brain! What a loser! This post won't have it's usual novel quality though, so don't worry.

This is how my Thanksgiving day went. . .

Got off of work at 6:30am. Stayed up 'til 9:30. Woke up at 2:00. Got ready in 45 minutes. Went to my brothers. Hoped that his girlfriend would FINALLY go into labor. No such luck. Mom was there, here bf, Grandma, oldest brother and one of his daughters, brother's gf's mom, dad, sister and her four kids. Of course Damian was there as well as my other niece. I ate alone since I slept 'til 2. Everyone left. I stayed. Borrowed my bro's car. Went to Paul's. Had more dinner with him, his gf, bestfriend and family. Played Halo 2. Went to my brother's to drop off the car. Took Damian home. Went and had a couple of beers with Valerie, Mary and Carlos. Went home. Stayed on the phone and had great conversation 'til 5am. Knocked out. It was a nice and relaxing day. It would have been complete had I been able to see him. The food was great. And I felt a lot of love.
posted by Jenn Doll at 2:45 AM 3 comments

Angel Eyes

So, I see that we've all been a bit on the slacking side with updates. I won't yell at anyone this time. Wait, I already yelled at Eric. But he posted after, so nevermind. I know with the holiday's coming around we all have other things to attend to. So all is forgiven.

Katie, come back already! Your posts make me laugh damnit. My post haven't been funny or asinine. I've been in a different state of mind these days. Not bad, just LOTS of thinking. Lots of wanting and wishing. Lots of missing. I miss you too, so PLEASE get back. And sorry, I really don't care if you have to freeze your ass in the basement. If it means I get a post out of you, then so be it. Get yourself a jacket, some thick socks, gloves, a beenie or some ear muffs, and get your ass down there! Please?

Bill, you suck. You don't comment anymore. That really hurts. And I miss you too. We were supposed to call you tonight, but I didn't hear from Katie. So I don't know what happened. Now that I think about it you both suck. Oh, and I haven't commented on your blog or anyone's until tonight because I haven't had access to a computer. Shite.

Jamie, I tried commenting on your last post but it wouldn't let me. Just FYI.

Eric, I already posted on your blog, but thanks for the 411 on the CD's. And yes, I'm trying to stalk Paolo. Is it working?

Now, as for the movie madness. That seems to be all I've been doing lately. Movies for days. Old and new. Since my last post, I watched those three movies I had mentioned and have since watched X-Men 1 and 2, Rundown, The Astronauts Wife, Underworld, The Hunted and more. Don't be jealous, but I got to watch Rundown on a 116 inches of TV. Beautiful, just beautiful. In my brothers living room too. Yes, he has a 62 inch and then he has a projector too. Man, that thing is the best ever. The picture is gorgeous too. It gets even bigger than the 116 inches too. The farther back you put it, the bigger it gets. His wall wouldn't take anymore though. I'm definately gonna have one in my living room. I can't wait for X-Men 3. That's gonna own. As for Halo 2. I'm hooked. Naturally. We beat it, but the replay value is great. We got the 2 free months of online play, but sadly I don't think it's too exciting. We went and bought 2 more controlers last night. It was fun. I love playing against my friends. I always laugh so hard. Paul (my friend), Jordan and I had played for hours on Thanksgiving and had a blast. Then last night, Paul, Jordan, Emmett, Eddie (my brother) and I played. Damian (my son) and Jacob (Paul's gf's son) got in on some of the action too. Damian memorizes the stages and where certain weapons are, so he always got the rocket launcher or the sword and took us out with one blow. I grounded him. He made sure to say, "Mom, I killed you," everytime he did. Brat. I was a little disappointed with the ending of the game after beating it. I thought it could have been better. But oh well.

Eric was saying on his blog that he was wondering if it's possible to OD on thinking. I think it just may be. I mean, lately that's all I've been doing. Sometimes I'm thinking so hard I forget what I was thinking about. I've been forgetting everything too. Stupid shit at that. Like things I do at work everyday. I can't remember the names of movies I'm talking about, or songs or the artists. Go Jenn. I've thought myself stupid. And it's all Paul's fault! Speaking of Paul, I didn't get into much detail about my vacation with him. So I'll add some to it. We had the most beautiful view ever. It's where we first kissed. Awww. Go on, say it with me, awww. The most anticipated kiss ever. I mean, these days, kissing is so much as a hug. Like, not special. He's been special to me for quite some time now. The kiss I believe was anticipated for so long on both ends. So when we finally kissed, my stomach went WHOA (!) and my mind was a spinnin'. I'm almost sure it was like if he was my first kiss. I wasn't nervous, just wanted it to be perfect, so that, I think made me kiss like my first kiss. Damn me! I wonder if I drooled all over. Should I ask? Poor guy. But after that, it was done. I couldn't stop kissing him. Making out like 8th graders. Woot woo! My "thing" is to kiss eyes. Not like lick them either, for those of you assrammers thinking that. I mean, a peck on each eye. I've only ever kissed the eyes of 3 people. Yeah, you might think it's weird, but it means something when I do that. The 3 were my son's dad, this one jackass I used to see (don't know WHY I kissed his eyes), and my son. If a few days have gone by without me kissing my son's eyes, he'll say, "Mom, eyes," and close his eyes. He kisses mine in return. So anyway, I kissed his eyes too. I couldn't stop either. When he'd look at me and give me "that" smile, I had to. He has gorgeous eyes, or "angel eyes" as I'd like to call them. They aren't of color either. But beautiful brown eyes they are. With pretty eyelashes too. Damn him. On Friday night, we went out and heard a really cool band. We decided that they're "our" band. And guess what?! He danced with me!! Yes! I know he did it just for me too, 'cause dancing isn't his thing. I loved it. We got pretty damn crunked that night and decided to head out. When we were laying down we were holding each other and he said, "I feel like I just can't get close enough to you." I just about melted right then. More so 'cause I was feeling the exact same way. There's SO many things I wanna share. But I just want to keep them to me, because it was so special. Something as special as he is, I kinda wanna keep to myself. You feel me? Everything special about it were all the little things. The special things really are free. Plus I did share quite a bit. I hope to see him again soon. If I don't I may just lose it. Wait, I think I've already lost it. So anyway, my train of thought is all scrambled. As I mentioned before, he consumes my thoughts. It's werid to feel like I do about someone. Or not weird, just. . . hmm, again I'm left unable to find the right words when trying to explain how I feel about/for him. One of these day's I'll find the right word(s).

So now that I got more deep and personal then I ever have on this here blog, let's move on to other things. Music! I am now the proud owner of Bjorks Vespertine, Homogenic, Post and Medulla. The first I owned was Medulla. So it was different for me to hear the rest. I'm really feeling these CD's though. I think one of my favorite's is "Possibly Maybe" off of Post, other than that the favorites are still off of Medulla. Which I know some Bjork fans weren't feelin'. I'm getting Ryan Adams Pneumonia for Christmas. I can't wait. I still play Portishead at least twice a day. I just can't enough Portishead. I got some other mix CD's too that I really like. I plan on going to get me some Soundgarden here soon. I have a live Tesla CD. It's all acoustic, it has some really good songs, and again Jeff Keith has a great voice. Been playing 30 Seconds to Mars a lot lately too. Jared Leto can't possibly get any hotter. He's in the movie Alexander too. Yes! If you didn't click on his name, you better! Look at those eyes! Just look at him, GOOD LORD!! I just went link crazy. But I promise you will not regret taking time to click any of those. Promise! You should love how he always looks different too. RAWR!

Okay, I'm talking to him right now on Yahoo, so I gotta go. I'll post something entertaining tomorrow if my brain allows me to do so. If not, you'll just have to wait for Katie to come back to laugh.

Whoa this post was slow. Kinda like my brain's been. DURH!
posted by Jenn Doll at 2:17 AM 7 comments

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Elysium. . .

Hush Little Baby
‘Til this day, when I sing Hush Little Baby to my son, it calms him and seems to put him at ease. While on my vacation, I didn’t see him much. I left on Thursday to hang out with a friend. He then went to his grandma’s on Friday until Monday morning when I woke up to, "Good morning mom. I’m home." I opened my eyes, to his big bright eyes staring at me and a huge loving smile. He leaned over and gave me a kiss and man it was the best thing I could wake up to. This morning when I got home from work he was still sound asleep. I laid next to him and started my technique of waking him. Which is to kiss him hundreds of times all over. He always wakes up so happy, with the biggest smile and saying "I love you mom" or, "grandma," when she wakes him. And every time you feel his joy. He’s happy to wake up to another day. But this morning when he woke up, his smile was different. It was as though he was so happy to see me, he became shy. It only lasted for a very brief moment, and I can’t even begin to express how it made me feel. It over-whelmed me with joy, love, and happiness. After we played around and laughed for a bit, we then continued our daily routine. He eats breakfast, sometimes I join him. Gets ready for school, watches some cartoons, he leaves for school, then I sleep. Tonight when we were laying down, he asked me like he does every night, "Mom, will you tickle my back?" I usually say no, and he rolls over and lifts his shirt anyway, since he knows I will. Tonight, after tickling his back for a bit, he said "Mom, will you sing me that song that makes me fall asleep?" I was again over-whelmed with feelings. I used to sing Hush Little Baby to him when he was a baby. It calmed him every time. When I would finish singing it, I would continue humming it. I had sung it to him the other day, while holding him like a baby. It started out as us playing around, but when I started to sing it, he immediately just lay there and stared into life. I say life, ‘cause he wasn’t looking at anything in particular, but it was almost as though he was remembering or feeling what it felt like when I used to sing to him as a baby. As I sang to him last night, I realized that he is still a baby. He’s so pure and full of life, so innocent. People that meet him are always saying ‘how happy he always is.’ And how ‘he’s high on life.’ Also, how he makes them ‘realize how precious life is.’ I’m blessed to have such a beautiful person in my life. Elysium. . .
Viva La Vacationese
Rock ‘n Roll Wednesday – Went to see the "Scorpions" and "Tesla" in concert with Sharon. It was a good show. I really enjoyed it. Tesla tore it up. I got to hear loud guitar all night and have a beer! Woot woo! They showed us love by hooking us up with some acoustic solo’s. Man, it was badass! I love me the sound of a guitar! The Scorpions came out and did it up too. They still sound really good. I managed to get a finger pointed at me by the guitar player. It could be that I was sticking my tongue out at him. I dunno. It was great not being able to hear after. And the loud buzzing in my ears was just fabulous. I never learn and always stand right next to the speakers. But hey, that’s what rock ‘n roll’s about, right?! Oh yeah, and the lead singer, Jeff Keith, has a great voice. He looks really good too. Klaus Meine, lead singer of the Scorpions, still sounds really good too. He looks old, but I guess he always has. So he looks good? All in all, great time!
Sweet Thursday & Feelin' Good Friday – Went to go see a friend. A much anticipated visit. He doesn’t live too far from me, but because of previous "happenings," we had been unable to hang out. He lives here in New Mexico. Though he lives in Roswell with the aliens. Which is a couple/few hours from me. We started talking and catching up at the beginning of this year sometime. I was a bit nervous; it had been a while since I had seen him. But once I did see him, all was perfect and as comfortable as ever. I hung out with him Thursday and Friday. I really enjoyed every second of our time together. There’s nothing like hanging out with someone who’s so real. Oh, and spontaneous! Oh and one more, gorgeous too! We drank, we laughed, and we talked. Listened to lots of Portishead. Got lost in the minds of one another. We both have the same views on so many things. Or should I say everything? And we both like to talk a lot, so there was never a dull moment. I was so caught up and lost in my own world, I forgot there were other’s around. I would definitely consider him a good friend. I wouldn’t say that I love him, nor does he I, but I would say that when he’s around, love’s in the air. I’m sure you’re wondering why I haven’t ever mentioned his name. Well, he hooked up with one of my "friends" Valerie, a while back. She never really liked him, nor did he like her. I mean like, there were no deep feelings involved. He and I started talking by fate. Because he just called one day saying, "I thought it’d be interesting to call you." We used to text message each other, which she knew about. And we talked that day, which I also told her about. She didn’t care. She didn’t for a long time. Then one day she decided it wasn’t okay. But Paul and I were already "caught up." We tried not talking, but that didn’t work. He’s given me gifts that have meaning and put much time and thought into. The best gifts I’ve ever gotten. He was living out here for a while, and we’d see each other, but then he went back to Roswell. It sucked saying good-bye. Always wondering what’s next. He consumes my thoughts right now and I have a feeling he will for a while. Will I ever tell Valerie? I don’t know. Does she already know? Maybe. Does this make me a bad friend? Kinda, but no, ‘cause she’s not been real with me. I just feel it was in fates plans for us to talk. It’s too weird how it all happened. Even when we tried avoiding it we ended up in each other’s arms. So I choose to let fate have its way, especially because of how I feel when I’m with him. Elysium. . .
Sad but Sane Saturday – Came back home Saturday. Was missing him. It was Paul’s birthday. My bestfriend Paul. See, now I’m gonna have to define the two every time, damnit. Anyhow, I volunteered to be designated driver for the night. I wasn’t really up for partying. I drove over to Graham Central Station. It was Paul, Bridget, Jordan and myself. Jordan hadn’t ever been there. We met up with a bunch of Paul and Bridget’s friends. They were getting pretty tossed so Jordan and I decided to go sit in the karoke bar and have a beer. I only had one, so don’t yell at me damnit! We stayed in there for a while, enjoying the entertainment. Then we went to check on Paul and Bridget. They were dancing and having a great time. I wouldn’t say I had the best time, but it was nice. Jordan is the sweetest guy ever. And when some douchebag thought it was okay to smack my ass Jordan got in his face. Well, after I stopped and eyeball fucked him for like a minute. It was funny, ‘cause he didn’t know what to say, and his friends looked at him like, ‘you fuckin’ idiot.’ Then we went to I-Hop to have breakfast, where I paid just $18 bucks for some biscuits and gravy. We met up with some other of Paul and Bridget’s friends there. Man I laughed my ass off! They were so drunk. But they weren’t embarrassing. They were just funny as hell and it was the best ever. We headed back to Paul’s after, where Jordan and I played Halo 2 until 6:30 in the morning. I knew I’d be addicted immediately. That’s why I had been avoiding it. Now I can’t wait to go play again. I think I’ll call tomorrow and be like, "Hey Paul, can you come out and play?"
Lazy Sunday – I did absolutely nothing on Sunday. I stayed in my pajamas all damn day. I watched like 3 movies. All love stories too. A Walk to Remember, Pretty Woman, and Sister Act. I know the last isn’t a love story, but so what. They’re all "chick flicks." I’ve seen them all so many times, I’ve lost count. And I usually cry when I see A Walk to Remember, but Jesus, I really balled this time. What the hell man?! Don’t be all telling everyone either! If you haven’t seen A Walk to Remember, you need to. His love for her is all I ever want and dream of. It’s unreal. If I’m ever loved like that, then I will die happy. And you will cry if you watch it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I know this post was dreadfully long, but don’t forget this is like 5 days in one damnit! And I still have some extras for you. . .

If you guys aren't back here before Thursday, I wish you a

Happy Thanksgiving!

posted by Jenn Doll at 2:35 AM 6 comments

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Guess Who's Back, Back Again. . . Jenn's Back, Tell A Friend

Yo, I'm back! Well obviously. But, I'm not feeling like posting right now. I'll hit you guys with a post tomorrow night. I have lots of blog catching up to do. I see that Josh (alastor) has started a blog too! Look at me recruiting all these people. It's insane! Go me! Welcome to the blog world, Josh. Hope you come around here and comment. Even though I know you've had my link for a while. Now don't be shy and comment. I like comments! Thank you all for the "we'll miss you" comments. You're too kind. I came back and felt special. For real too.

My vacation was the best ever. I can't stress the joyous time I had. I'll fill you in on some details manana.

Have you ever felt a breeze hit your heart
Like the wind was blowing it apart
Has you spinning like a merry-go-round
Indications of a storm touching ground
I wish that I could weather down any storm
But I guess it was a heartbreak from the norm
It was a day I will always remember
The saddest day in sweet November. . .

posted by Jenn Doll at 1:39 AM 5 comments

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Quick Update

I'm at my friend's house right now, and I think this is the only chance I'll get to use a computer, since my brother is being stingy with his. I just wanted to say hi to everyone. Do you all miss me? You know you do! I went to the concert on Wednesday, and the Scorpions rocked! I got to hang out with Sharon too, which was great because we never get to hang out because of conflicting schedules. Katie, you better not be taking over blogworld while I'm gone. I'll be back soon enough to reclaim my title, you lazy dyke. It's been a fun couple of days off work. I needed this. I should take vacations more often. Ok, I gotta go cause my friends are bugging me. Miss me!
posted by Jenn Doll at 12:26 PM 5 comments

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


I never said I was GOING on vacation. I said I was gonna BE on vacation. I just took this time off of work since a really long time ago, for the Marine Corp. Ball. But due to a change in plans, I won't be going to the Ball. I figured since I already had the days off, I'd keep them. I don't have a computer at home anymore, so I can't blog from there. I blog from here at work now. But since i won't be here, I can't blog. Capeche? SO, now you know. I'm just doing all kinds of fun stuff out here. I got a Scorpion's concert tomorrow and Saturday is Adam's birthday party (Mariah's boyfriend/fiance whatever.) Just thought I'd let you know because you're all not putting attention damnit!
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:54 AM 3 comments


I've come to bid thee farewell. For the blog will have to continue in my absence. But do not shed a tear, my cyber friends, for I shall return. My great return will be at the rise of dawn on Tuesday. Fear not this scary place while I am not present, but remember my spirit is always with you. Not really. I love you all, I really do. But I won't be thinking of you. My company to keep is just fabulous and cooler than you. Sorry. I will miss you though.

OKAY!! I had just typed two paragraphs and the damn thing closed AGAIN. I'm gonna try ONE more time. If it doesn't work. I'm out and not gonna bother trying again!! And now I'm not gonna make it as fun. I'm gonna be short and sweet.

Went with Mom to Wal-Mart. When we were leaving the alarm sounded. They had me pass through, nothing. Then Mom went and it sounded again. She was so mad and embarrased. After a brief interogation they relased her on her back to my custody. When we got outside, I stuck my hands in my jacket pockets to avoid freezing them and pulled out a shimmer make-up pencil thing. Turns out, I'm the one who stole. I didn't mean to. I didn't put it in the basket because it would fall through the holes. I guess I hadn't even realized that I stuck it in my pocket. I told my Mom, "I'm not giving it back since they were mean to you." She said, "Why didn't the damn alarm go off for you?! Shows how effective those things are." It was funny. My Mom was for a moment a suspect in a theft. And I was the real suspect. I stole in front of my mommy! I'm a bad girl. But I didn't mean to! I know, I could have taken it back. But they did falsly accuse my mother. So there.

Hadn't heard from Mariah in a while. She called about 4 days ago, "Hey what are you doing?" I said, "Here with my Grandma." She said, "The correct answer is living your life without me." I said, "Yeah, pretty much. " We talked for a sec. then hung up. She called yesterday, to my surprise. When I saw the caller ID, I thought, I wonder what she needs or wants.

Mariah - "Hey"
Me - "Hey, what are you doing."
Mariah - "Nothing. What are you doing."
Me - "Just got back from Wal-Mart."
Mariah - "I have a favor to ask you."
Me - (thinking, No shit! What took you so long to ask?!) Really saying, "What's up?"

She wanted me to find out if her brother had warrants or a court date pending and some other stuff for a speeding ticket. So once we got past that. We did the 'what have you been up to's' and so on. Then she said. . .

"You wanna hear the good new or the GOOD news?"
Me - "The GOOD news."
Mariah - "I'm getting married."
Me - Not to enthused "You're getting married?"
Mariah - "Yeah!"
Me - Still not enthused "He proposed to you?"
Mariah - "No, well we've been talking about it. So we decided we're going to. In June."

Wait, maybe it's not June, but I don't remember. After a few more questions I finally congratulated her and showed some enthusiam. It sucked becaue I wanted so bad to be happy for her but I just couldn't. She's been with him for a mere 7 months if that. She 'did things' only recently that made me question her love for him. She is his first relationship. I don't know, it's just kinda like 'whatever' to me right now. Today I text messaged her 'cause I felt bad for not showing enthusiam, the text said, "You're getting married! You're getting married!" She replied, "I know!" We conversated through texts for a while. I made sure to thrown in "and you're getting married" at the end of every text. I told her we had lots of planning to do like, "wedding showers, bachlorette parties, and picking a dress." She said, "What's a wedding shower." And I said, "Man, I have lots to teach you still." Then after the last "you're getting married" from me, she replied, "It's just a wedding." I read that, rolled my eyes, and thought, this today is what people think of love. Nice, just nice. I responded, "It's NOT just a wedding. If you're gonna get married it's because he's you KNOW you love him. Everything's different when you're with him." I wish Mariah all the luck in the world. I am happy for her. I'm happy that she's happy. I can hear it in her voice. But I just hope that her question's and doubt's are answered before she commits the rest of her life. Same goes for him. They have my blessings and best wishes. (FYI, I just deleted about 3 paragraphs that had to do with my thoughts of love, soulmates and being in love, but I didn't want to put you to sleep. So you can thank me later. Way to waste time Jenn!)

Now that I got all, well whatever you want to call it, I'm gonna go back to thinking about my five days off. I will be spending some of the time with an amazing person. I'll be drunk for probably all five, if I can help it. Not all day, every day. But all night every night. You catch my drift? I will miss you guys. And Katie, I will send you pictures. Or at least one. I hope to catch some at the concert tomorrow. If I still go to the concert. But that's another story, I'll tell you about. If I don't go to the concert, I intend on hanging out with Sharon either way. Since it's the first time in ages that we're both off. Maybe we'll do "ladies night" somewhere. I'm back here at work on Monday night. So you guys don't post so damn much while I'm gone. I don't want to have to set aside 10 hours to catch up here in blog world. So I'll see you all later! Like you care that I'm gonna be gone and I went through all this trouble of giving you one last post. Can you just appreciate me damnit?!

I'll be missing. . .
*Katie, *Bill, *Michy, *Chelle, *Ariel, Jay (quit being a perv), Eric, Jamie & James, Boko (if you're still alive), Dylan & Gabe (no longer live in cyber space). I will too! Without you, my blog would be nothing! (I saw Selena today. She said to her fans, "Without you, we'd be nothing.) Love ya crazy kids! Don't have too much fun without me.

posted by Jenn Doll at 1:08 AM 4 comments

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Technical Difficulties

I just did a long post and was almost done. Then Explorer closed on me. You all know how much that sucks and how pissed off it makes you. So I won't be posting but this. Tomorrow's my last day 'til I'm on vaction. So I might post then, or I might be too excited to post. So bye now.
posted by Jenn Doll at 12:43 AM 7 comments

Monday, November 15, 2004

A Letter For Tomorrow

Well, I start out again by saying I haven't anything in particular to post about. But, I thought of this title and wanted to use it. You may or may not know why later. Anyhow, here at work, as I always am. It's 2:30am and I haven't done anything but answer phones. When they write me up, I guess I shouldn't even ask why. But it's okay though. I'll enter what felony's need to be entered. No problem! Okay, I just thought of something to post about. Last night George Lopez performed here in town. I heard that there was a huge crowd. For those of you who don't know George Lopez, it's a spanish thing. He makes fun of our culture and we laugh at it. It's just fabulous. I didn't get to go because 1) I had to work and 2) I'm going to a concert on Wednesday, so I figured I'd save it for then. So anyhow, my friends Nancy and Elena went. I had sent Nancy a text message earlier telling her about a Steven who told his friend Jay, someone I guess you could say I've been kinda seeing for the past 3 years, but not really. Oh yeah, so Steven told Jay that I grabbed him and kissed him. What?! Stupid Steven. Jay's like, "You WERE hammered that night." And, "It's okay Jenn, we all have our nights." Steven I wouldn't call a "coyote ugly" but grab him and kiss him? No, I didn't grab him and kiss him. He was with a girl. So anway, I had sent Nancy a text saying, "Steven told Jay that I kissed him that loser and liar." She replied, "Yup." Um, okay then. So then I text her with, "How was George?" Her reply, "George who?" I knew then that she was drunk. She had been looking forward to seeing him forever. She was in line waiting for tickets. So I said, "George Lopez asshole!" She then replied with, "George Lopez is a rat?" I laughed so hard it hurt. So then I text back with, "You're drunk huh?" Didn't hear from her fort the rest of the night. She called today, turns out they went through a wall. I was totally freaked out. I'm hoping that their drinking and driving lesson was learned. And I thank God that they weren't hurt or killed, or killed someone. They had to be plastered. Going through a wall?! Wow. After we got past the whole going through a wall talk, we talked about our text message conversation and she was busting up. I just realized that this post is probably not as entertaining to you as it is to me. But oh well, then don't read huh? I guess I'm done here. I just thought I'd take a break from writing, my fingers and wrist were really starting to kill me. I probably won't be posting for about a week. I'll try to get one in tomorrow and Tuesday, but after that I'm on vacation. I'm not going to the ball anymore, but I figured that since I had already put in for it, I may as well take it. So I have few things planned. Wednesday's the concert. Thursday and Friday night I'm gonna check out some clubs or bars that I've heard mention of but haven't been to. Nancy's been going salsa dancing at one of the hotel's, so I was hoping to do some dancing hotel style. Saturday, Valerie and I are supposed to go to Graham Central. And yeah, we're cool now, if you're wondering. I still think what she had to say was uncalled for, but she did apologize and so I let it go, just like I do with Mariah. Those hookers. Anyway, on Sunday, I hope to hang out with my brother and his girlfriend. She's due anyday now! She's dilated some and has been having some minor contractions! Excitement is beyond me for this upcoming week!! Wow, I'm getting all worked up just talking about it. Here's your update Katie! And no, I wasn't working, but I was busy damnit.

posted by Jenn Doll at 3:35 AM 3 comments

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Tribute to Ol' Dirty

Ol' Dirty Bastard has passed away. It made me sad. (Sorry for not believing you Bill & Jay.)
So, pour out a little liquor for the old school.

RIP Ol' Dirty

posted by Jenn Doll at 3:07 AM 5 comments

Saturday, November 13, 2004

I deleted EVERY fuckin' picture I've ever uploaded to my geocities. I'm the maddest person ever right now. Some of those were irreplaceable. Like pictures of my son and my grandma. I hate right now.
posted by Jenn Doll at 11:07 PM 1 comments

I Wish I Could Talk To You Right Now. . .

Actually, Eric, I did enter that into a translator. But first, I tried myself. I can translate and get the point across. Thing with that is, sometimes it's not completely right. Spanish tends to flip their sentences and have 100 different ways of saying one thing that means the same thing but it doesn't. Conjugating, very important in the Spanish language. Follow? So then after I tried myself, I called my Mexican Mami Cristina, and asked her how close I was. Then I used the translator thingy. So see! I actually put some effort into it. Now give me my 5 bucks.

Bill, quit being an asshole already. I'm done playing this game. Just love me like you loved me yesterday. Or was it the day before? Don't fall into the pervertedness of JayPop. You had been behaving so well. You act different when you're around your friends. (You like that huh? I got all baby's mama on it.) Katie and I only want to share the love. We would love if you would return this favor. I love you Billy Jack, but I can't continue on this way. I can't. Now if you don't quit, I will slap a ho. But you gotta find me one to slap k. And JayPop, like I said in your blog. You really are precious. Just behave yourself. I demand respect from my boys! Please?

Katie, What's up MA!? Thanks for the drunken phone call last night. It was nice. Too bad we had to yell at Bill. I didn't get to send you a picture because I ended up throwing down with Valerie. Dumb drunken fools. I swear. I'll talk about it in a while. So I'll hook you up with pics. if you come on now or today when I'm on. Love ya MA! Oh yeah! We gotta type up a piece for Mulgrew too. So you do need to get your ass on this bitch.

Ariel, I just again wanted to say that I'm excited that you've joined us! I don't think I can keep up with all the blogs I see anymore. I know that I must miss a couple every blog run. And it's only gonna get worse! I love it. You should make JayBug get one! Do it! Do it! I love you Lola!

Chelle, are you here? Where oh where have you been? You too Michy! You guys don't comment. And you both lag on your updates! Get on it ladies. Actually, Michy just did one. But still. And Chelle, I know you're a busy girl, but don't forget about me! Love you, my Michelle's!

Boko and Dylan are AWOL! I've already told you both. I will not hestitate to send someone looking for you two. Don't tempt me. Well, I know Dylan's been busy with life. And Boko had a bad week with me. Hope things have gotten better! My week seems to be okay now. And Dylan, share the news. Did you get her a ring? Did you ask? Did her mom cry? I'm being all nosey!

Oh, and Dave Navarro has a blog! He's so nice. And he answers those question things like Bill did. Bill, you should send him yours! But add the question, "Do you love Jenn?" There's a picture of him masterbating in his blog. Well, it doesn't show anything, but it's freakin' gorgeous. I know! I know! 'Whoa, Jenn's talking about liking a picture of a guy masterbating!!??' No, no. You'll see what I mean. Just go to his damn blog. Fred Durst has one too. But I wasn't able to locate it. If you find it, let me know. Or any cool bands or band members with blogs. I know, I KNOW! Durst isn't cool. I didn't say he was. Maybe you should be a little more observant?


Anyhow, on to last night. Didn't feel like going out 'cause I'm saving myself for this up-coming week and weekend. I can't wait!! It's making me crazy! Okay, so Valerie has her friend Forest going over. She calls inviting me over for a drink. I don't want to, but she really wants me to meet him. So I go at about 11, which was two hours later than anticipated. Forest, well he's too quiet for me. I think he said like 2 words the whole 4 hours I was there. Mary, one of Val's friends was there too. So we're just drinking. Talking. Mostly I was on my phone for a while. But they weren't too entertaining, so it wasn't a problem. So they're playing music. All rap and hip-hop. Which is cool. I was jamming. Then Valerie is begging me to play "Veine Con Me." A track off of Eric's CD. She starts saying how she wants to "just 'ugh' to this song." It was cool at first, but she wouldn't stop. So I finally put in something else. I think by this point she's buzzed and being promiscuous with Forest. So then I see that Viva La Bam's on TV and I'm watching, laughing my ass off. Forest is enjoying just as much as I. Valerie and Mary find out that I'm obsessed with Bam and start talking shit about him. Yeah, 'cause that's gonna piss me. Don't talk about my celebrity crushes bitches! They eventually realized that I didn't really care what they thought about some or any celebrity at that, so they stopped. Cool part, I played all of my CD's for the rest of the night. It was great. They even dealt with the rock when they found out Forest was enjoying it. So all of a sudden, Eminem's new video is on. We're not listening, just watching. And I mention how I love him and admire his talent. Valerie goes on some tangent of how "he sounds the same on EVERY FUKIN' song!" Fine, that's your opinion. I really don't care who likes what I like, 'cause I like it. So then we started debating over it. I said, "Someone who sounds the same all time? That would be your boyfriend Nelly." I said boyfriend because she was referring to Eminem as mine. Well, that set her off. Grrr! Hah. What the fuck?! It's music. EVERYONE has an opinion when it comes to music. You don't start talking shit to your bestfriend of 18 years LITERALLY because of music. That's absolute bullshit. I'm not sure where it came from, but all of a sudden she say's "Eminem is just like Mariah." Okay, maybe it came from all the fuckin' Corona's she drank and the fact that she NEVER has control over her alcohol. I looked at her and said, "What the fuck does that have to do with anything?! That's neither here nor there." She started saying that Mariah's my little girlfriend. And why do I talk to someone who's done what Mariah's done. Mariah takes me for granted. And that I'M two-faced. I told her it was nice to know that after 18 years she thought of me as two-faced. It makes sense right? Mariah's done me dirty a few times, but I chose to let it go and believe that karma will pay her a visit, so I'M two-faced. Maybe that drunken Tom Foolery meant Mariah. I don't know. I said, "Well I don't know how the fuck this all weighs out." Then I held up my hand like scales and dropped one. And she said, "Yeah Jenn, you're such a big girl." By this time, she's pissing me off pretty bad. I wish I could share the whole arguement because I made her look like a jackass in front of her friend. She knows it too. That's why she resulted to calling names. Eventually I said, "If you WANT to talk about Mariah, we can. But I still don't know how we got here because of Eminem." I kept asking her why she was mad and she would get more mad and say "I'm not mad." I also told her that my friends don't have to like each other and they all wonder why I don't bring them around each other. I told her how lame I thought girls were. They all talk about each other and they don't know anything about each other. It's always, "Why do you like her?" I feel like saying, "Why do I like YOU?!"And I felt loved because none of my girlfriend's like each other because they all want me to themselves. All night she had kept telling Forest and Mary "Jenn wants me." What? Lameass. She kept saying, "Just say it. Say you want me." When I'd say, "I don't want you," she'd roll her eyes and say whatever. I don't get it. Finally she said something, and it sucks 'cause I can't remember what, but I said, "Okay, I'm done here." So I got up and left. Woke up to like 5 texts from her. Weird enough, I thought for SURE she had blacked-out last night as she does 98% of the time she drinks and knows absolutely nothing of the night before, but she hadn't. I didn't pay her texts much attention. But I know that she said something like, "My mind was already going before you got here." So in other words, she was already mad at me for something. Something like she doesn't like my other friend. It just keeps getting better. She's just being a dick because her silly short ghetto ass boyfriend hasn't been around and she takes it out on the world including her kids. She said, "I would rather just drop it." Well, I wouldn't. If you think I'm two-faced even though you kept saying "That would NEVER happen with us," then I think we have something to talk about. There's obviously a trust issue in there somewhere. Fuck that! I'll take all your boyfriends beyotch! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Sheesh. So, I always get over shit like right away. Hence, still being friends with dumb girls. But as for right now I'm feeling like she could kiss my ass. Mariah too. They're weirdo's. They wonder why I have more guy friends. Not that they aren't lame sometimes. But the damn competitive nature isn't as bad with guys. Yeah, it's there, but it's bearable. I love Valerie I do. But I'm reminded of why I only hang out with her on few occasion's. Mariah too. Anyhow, here's another long post for y'all! I hate that word. Until the next round, "Dreaming good, I hope."

"Mother my friends are no longer my friends
And the games we once played have no meaning
I've gone serious and shy and they can't figure why
So they've left me to my own daydreaming."
- Suzanne Vega

posted by Jenn Doll at 1:35 PM 3 comments

Friday, November 12, 2004

Para Eric y Mas

esto es para la gente y la nacion gj
nosotros vivimos y morimos por gj
el todo poderoso y todo instruido es gj
la cosa que nunca nos estafara es gj
aun respuestas de dios a gj
nosotros somos la gente que hace una nacion
y esa nacion son

this is for the people and the nation gj
we live and die for gj
the all-powerful one and everything the educated one is gj
the thing that will never defraud us is gj
even god's responses to gj
we are the people who does a nation
and this nation they are

That'll be $5 thanks.


Well, I wasn't going to blog but, since I'm here I may as well say something. First of all, Jay, the whole "piss in your ass" thing. I'd slap the shit outta you if you were in front of me. But since you're not, can you please not degrade me on my blog? The rest didn't bother me, but that line killed it thanks. I mean, you're a hott guy, but pissing in someone's ass? Don't get all R. Kelly on it.

So I got a camera/video phone! Oh yeah! I will get myself or someone else in trouble with this. I will be getting girls to flash me. Simply for the fact that I'm amused at what girls will do for a camera. Even if it's another girl. You'd think they'd at least ask for some beeds or a quarter. I showed cleavege on 'Phat Tuesday' (Mardi Gras) once for some beeds. Okay, like three times. I'm hardcore. I got all my other beeds for kisses on the cheek. And they had contest, like "find a guy wearing tighty whities and get him to show them to us." (My computer's talking to me and it's scaring me.) Or, "do a runway model walk." They had us "do a cheer using the word Budweiser in it." They're was more, but I can't remember. It was so fun. Mariah and I got the most beeds 'cause of all the contests. And when you got 5 of the small one's, you could trade them in for the big one with lights and and a cool thingy hanging from it. So this year for Mardi Gras I can send you pictures from my new cool camera phone. Sweetass! I don't like sending pictures that I haven't seen first. But if you catch me when I'm drunk, I'm sure it won't be a problem. Even some of those little video clips. Possibly of me puking, randomly grabbing my friends boobs, or just being passed out. Yeah, I'm gonna have to watch for my friends. They'd have fun embarrassing me.

I think I'm gonna let my tongue piercing close. I don't know why, but ever since I pierced my lip, it bothers the crap outta me. It's like I feel it more. I left it out for a few days and it's already starting to close. I just put it back in. I'm undecided. I want a smaller lip ring too. I can't find one for shit. The one place that will have them will try to charge me $25.

Anyway, since I didn't really want to post, I'm not saying anything interesting or of importance. So I'm gonna go get me some ringtones for my phone. But first, I'd like to welcome Ariel to the world of blogging. Katie and I recruited her last night.
posted by Jenn Doll at 2:40 PM 19 comments

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Fame & Misfortune

VH1, MTV, yes, I am addicted. What can you say? 'Jenn, you're a lameass!' 'Jenn, get a life!' Quit yelling at me, I don't care! So anyway, if you're done talking about me, I've been watching tonight at work. First of all, I don't like Linkin Park. I like one song and I don't know the name of it. So tonight, on one of the two afor-mentioned stations, I see Linkin Park. So I'm getting ready to change the channel and what the hell?! It's Jay Z. So I figure I'd watch for a minute to see what it's all about. I mean, these guys all on stage together? Then again, they did come to concert with Snoop Dogg. Anyhow, so I'm watching and it's Linkin Park songs vs. Jay Z songs. They "connected" them. I thought, yeah right. How good can this be? First, let me tell you my opinion on Jay Z. I didn't use to care for him. I mean, I liked some of his music. Mostly the main-stream stuff they played on the radio all the time. I mostly liked it because I could dance to it. So one day I go to the. . .uh. . .the. . .um, okay, I forgot the name of the concert, but it was a concert. Headlining Jay Z. Sean Paul was there, Fifty Cent, Busta Rhymes, Fabolous, Beyonce made a surprise guest appearance, good Lord she's hott, and I don't remember if anyone else was there. Anyhow, Jay Z, naturally, was last to perform. I was ready to leave before he even came out, to beat the traffic. But my friend convinced me to stay. So I did. Well sonofabitch I'm glad I did. Jay Z tore it up! I gained a respect for him then and there. He free-styled. He did some "in memory's of" (Left Eye, Aaliyah, Biggie, 2Pac.) He was just insane on the mic. His lyrics were so clean. As well as his vocals. I was like, whoa! So since then, I actually pay attention to him. So anyway, I watched Jay Z perform with Linkin Park on tv tonight, and now I have a respect for Linkin Park. Dude, they're really not that bad. I don't care if you yell at me. I like them now. So hah! Or at least, I liked their performance. I didn't watch it all, but what I did see, I thought was pretty sweet. Mixing up the songs and putting them "together" turned out to be not so bad. I guess I'll have to pay Lincon Park some more attention. Well, not the crap they play on the radio, but maybe some of their other stuff. I'm sure I'm going to get shit from one of you assrammer's, but have it. So then (!), I'm watching VH1's 100 Most Shocking Moments in Rock 'n Roll. Man that shit was sad. It's a good thing I didn't wear eye liner tonight. I caught the last of it. One time, at a 'Who' concert, the fans trampled over other fans trying to rush and push their way through the doors, killing 11. I can't believe people get that crazy for a celebrity. I've met so many, and they're just people. Yeah, given you have the assholes who act bigger than life, but we have those with our everyday people. I'm sure celebrity's have that whole "Everyone only wants my money" attitude. I can't blame them. But still, don't be a dick because you're famous. Because I don't care. But the people that were killed at that show, I mean, how can you not feel yourself stepping on someone? And then for a celebrity? Sad, just sad. Anyway, they had the whole Mili Vanili saga on there. I thought it was 100 Shocking Moments in ROCK 'N ROLL. Mili Vanili? Rock 'n roll? What the fuck?! But, it was sad how one of them commited suicide after it all. They had Michael Jackson and his pediphile-ness. I don't pay much attention to the news to have an opinion of whether or not I think he's guilty. But, to the 2nd set of parents that let their kids go, you dipshits! You don't let your kids go stay the night with someone who's been accused of child molestation! I don't care if it IS Michael freakin' Jackson and he wasn't proven guilty. Seriously. Pull your head outta your ass. But, I still think he's a cracker ass for hanging his kid over the balcony that one time. They also had the story of Kurt Cobain. I think that's a sad story everytime I hear it. That's the first time I see footage on it too. I've read stuff on the net. And saw the alleged suicide note. I say alleged, because it's a scanned copy. So who knows if it was real. But they played audio of Courtney Love reading the letter, man it was sad. Then the number one most shocking moment, which the others I just mentioned were not in order, anway, number one was the murder of John Lennon. Wow, watching that gave me the chills a few times. They were playing, "Imagine" in the background and I think I was holding back tears. That song alone makes me feel all pageant princess "I want world peace." Then to think, it was some crazed fan. Poor celebrities. Well, the cool ones. Someone should shoot Britney Spears. Or she could get all Kurt Cobain or Mili Vanili and I'd be happy. God that's mean. Forgive me. But she should "disappear." It's not like I have some daughter who likes her or something. Thank God!! Strange enough, she's on the damn tv right now. "I'm a slaaave for you." That happens to be thee only song I like of hers. Too bad she's the dumbest broad and biggest whore on the face of this planet because she's so pretty. I could rant about her for days, like how her voice absolutely sucks. Boys going through puberty sound better than her. Ugh. Anyway, RIP Lennon. Well, I guess I could do some work now, but I was feeling all celeb-ish, so I thought I'd get all blog gangster with it. Oh yeah, I have caca-roach-a-phobia, or whatever the real term is for it. I saw thee biggest, deadest roach I've ever seen. It was on it's back and it's legs were longer than mine. I was panic-stricken and started jumping around and it was on the other side of the bullet-proof, glass door/wall here at work. My legs are still all queezy and I refuse to put them down on the floor. I need to stop talking about it. Just to let you know, this means I'll be walking around staring at the floor disquieted like a simpleton for the next two days thanks.

"You may say Im a dreamer, but Im not the only one. . ."
posted by Jenn Doll at 1:50 AM 5 comments

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Cry Baby Jenn

So I just did a post, and it got gone. It's my fault though. I clicked the "Encoding" options, because I was being all 'Curious George' and I lost it. So I'm mad, but at myself. Go me. So, I'll TRY to remember how my post went. . . I wanted to post, but now I'm not up to it, because I'm not feeling too hott. It's the ventilation here in the office. It's a pretty old building, and we have no outside air. None. So they need to come clean the vents again. It feels like a really bad head-cold or sinus infection. Headache, nose hurts, eyes hurt, feel tired, weak and so forth. It really sucks. Not to mention, all of my co-workers bitching about the same symtoms. So that has me down. Then, I just finished reading Jay's blog, and that got me down too. Not saying it's your fault Jay, but like I said in your blog, I couldn't agree more. It's not that I don't know there's a war going on, or all these other things, but I like to pretend it's non-exitant when I can. The reason being is because it seriously depresses and scares the shit out of me. I am by-far not an easy person to bring down, but that shit really hits me hard. I can only think of my son when this is brought to mind. Him, his safety and his happiness. It makes me sick to my stomach. It also disgusts me how people are so petty. I think 90% of the shit people dwell on is petty. I just know that, you only live once, and there's no time for me to be a cry baby about stupid shit. Like freakin' relationships. Everyone is so caught up in wanting to be with someone. Yeah, we all get lonely, but what are you gonna do? Sit in a corner all day, be so depressed you can't eat, and talk to no one. Not me. I would love to have someone to hold me, but if I can't right now, then so be it. I may end up one of those old ladies who's never been married and has only my cats or my dog. But at least I'll be able to say, 'I was happy with what I was given.' I'll make the best of what I can. The relationship thing just came to mind, because it seems like that's all anyone cares about right now. Well, except Katie. She's the best. She's happy with her life. And isn't sad because she doesn't have a boyfriend. She'll make due with the boys she stumbles upon here and there. I'm not saying I'm all hardass either. I've been hurt too. There's someone I wish I could be with right now and it really sucks that I can't. So I do what I can. Yeah, sometimes it does bring me down. But again, what can I do? I guess, it just feels better to be happy. Sometimes I think some people like feeling "down." That, I just don't get. Like right now, I'm mad at me for being sad and mad. Not to mention, work has been really busy, and it's pissing me off. I don't know why either. I guess it's 'cause I don't feel like talking to anyone. And feeling sick isn't exactly helping either. Actually, being sick is probably what started it all. Stupid vents. Well, I guess I'm done here. And it looks like I posted anyway. Sorry for being all cry baby 'n stuff. And hypocritical. 'Cause right now I'm bitching for no reason. But I'm done now. But first, on a happier note, my son's the best and his smile makes my world brighter. And Bello, usted es mi ensueno.

I wish I could travel back in time, to change the way you fixed your mind. . .

posted by Jenn Doll at 2:07 AM 3 comments

Monday, November 08, 2004

Here's & There's

Just to update on one of my recent post. My bad day was bad. BUT, I got my debit card back, I got a free sim-card for my cell. Which, I'm using some old ghetto one, but this now forces me to get a cool camera phone! Woot woo! I got to work on time that day too. Sweet. I did get really drunk, and got to see Jay. I hadn't seen him in a while. He's so cute. Too bad I was so drunk, I just used him for balance. I still hate the guy who grabbed me, but Karma will visit him. Maybe not to him, necessarily. But hey, maybe he has a little sister, girlfriend, or something of the sort. But one way, it'll come. Speaking of Karma, I would like to wish Eric's hacker luck. Karma's a bitch. Oh, and you're a really sad excuse of a person. I'm sorry that you have no life. Keep having your fun, silly little person.

So anyhow, I haven't blogged because I've had a blank mind. Yeah, strange huh? I usually have oh so much to say. I guess there's one thing on my mind. One thing I'm REALLY looking forward to. Mom just called and said, "I got your _____. It was at the side door." Score! Yes, I can't wait. I've mentioned before, I'm going to see the Scorpion's and Tesla in concert. If one more jerkface asks me who the Scorpion's are, I'm going to throw them a tongue and walk away. For real. Don't test me. Tesla, I can see. But the Scorpions? Come on people! And I'm going with Sharon. She's one of my newest friends/co-workers. She freakin' rocks. I wish I would have met her sooner. My boss is going too. He's the one who bought our tickets. He's the bestest.

I want to welcome my Katie back to cyber space! It's good to have you back in the blag of things. We can get this baby rollin' again.

And as for my last post, I've found the answer to my own question. Actually, I knew the answer. I was just pondering the thought, so to speak.

Since I have nothing of importance to say, here are some poems I wrote not to long ago. And I wrote them real quick like. I was just inspired by some music. So they're not all great or something. Or like my previous "Untitled Poem, by Jenn." That's one of my better ones, I think. But more so, because it was all happening when I wrote it. In the literal sense, too. For the most part. I should bust out some of my REALLY old ones. Or maybe not, but it's a thought. Anyway, I'm just rambling, so here. . .

A special glance, a sweet embrace
Hug goodbye, hearts race
Into your eyes, fall deep within
Kiss on the cheek, mind spins
World closing in, no one around
Only our breath, the sweetest sound
Open my eyes, before me you stand
Fate only knows, what’s in this plan
Fate loves and hates all the same
Live and let love, fate shows no shame . . .

Come with me, leave it all behind
For we two, will become one in mind
Hand on face, eyes that meet
Dance to the sound of our heartbeats
Desired kiss, our bodies become one
A sweetest want, no need to run
Fall into your world, you into mine
Lost in love, no sense of time . . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 10:22 PM 1 comments

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Is it possible to miss something you never had?. . .
posted by Jenn Doll at 10:05 PM 4 comments

Murphy's Law

Today can't possibly get any worse. Well, it can, but I'm praying it doesn't. In a nutshell, last night sucked. Went to Opium, the crowd blew. So went to Neds. It was better. Got more drunk then I wanted to. So much for controling my drinking. I'm an idiot. Lost my cell phone in the girls bathroom. This means I have NO numbers. Have to pay for another sim-card. I have a phone at home, that I guess I'll have to use. When we were walking back to the car last night some asshole was talking to us. Starts pulling out his junk. I walk away. He follows me. Says something and then grabs my crotch. He left fast enough to where I couldn't hit him. Thanks for degrading me, you fuckin' loser. Call a friend from Nancy's phone. Wished my friend was with me. Still do. Pass out as soon as we get inside. Wake up, Nancy's gone. Some training stuff for work. My keys are in her car. She doesn't get back 'til 5. Great. I thought I was gonna go get a sim-card. Guess not. Can't find my debit card AGAIN. Spent LOTS of money yesterday. I'm a damn loser, for real. Call my mom to ask her to bring my spare, stupid cell phone company disconnected her phone too and they weren't supposed to. After calling EVERYONE finally get a hold of her. Tell her I lost my phone, and she say's, "that's what happens when you party." I got more furious, told her I didn't want to talk to her and hung up. Call to work, to see if my debit card's there and find out that I'm on-call this week. And am being forced in 4 hours early today. I don't have the pager, I don't have my cell, and I don't have my car keys. How am I supposed to get there? If I don't go, it's a five day, non-paid suspension. It's not my fault they didn't give me the pager. Okay, I'm far from happy and it sucks. I don't really think that anything could change that right now. My son's not even here to hug. He's with the guy I like to call the sperm donor, his dad. Yeah, I'm done here.
posted by Jenn Doll at 1:10 PM 7 comments

Friday, November 05, 2004

Jenn Got "Jewed"

So today's been a pretty productive day for me. And it's only 4:46. I got up at 6:30 and cleaned. Then my friend brouht over her daughter who turned 4 today. I had wanted to keep her with me for a while. So I got her and myself ready, after watching Cinderella and Casper. We headed on down to the MVD at the mall so I could re-register my car. I am now leagally driving. Woot woo! Well, except for they told me I need an emission's test. Damn. So they gave me a temp. tag for 2 bucks. I have 2 weeks to get it done. It's a good thing I have "connections" and will be getting that done for very cheap. And illegaly. So anyway, after waiting at the MVD for about 30-45 minutes, Ariana and I headed over to the Carousel. I told her it would be a part of her birthday gift. So I get on with her and sit on the bench behind her. I left depressed. Why, you ask. Well, I got dizzy on it! What's that about?! I mean, how slow do those things go? And I wanna ride a roller coaster, what!? So I took her to Hot Topic and bought her a crown and me some earrings. After Hot Topic I get approached by a guy who had smiled at me when I was on the merry-go-round. He say's, "Can I ask you a silly question?" So I'm like, "sure." And he say's, "Do you consider yourself to be a friendly person?" I tell him yeah. So then he starts saying how he's doing some thing that has to do with showing his personality and so forth. He's doing this to get some of his college tuition paid, and a trip to Paris. And when I see him pull out a pamphlet, I'm thinking, I'm a dumbass. So he keeps talking how he has to earn points and blah blah. Let me tell you, this guy was hella smooth! Not to mention, his drop dead gorgeous eyes. Me and damn eyes. Somebody's pretty eyes will be the death of me, I'm telling you! So he's by now pitching to me. Magazines. Ugh. So I start looking over them, and I finally say, "So what am I gonna spend here? That's what I wanna know." So he asks if I'll go sit with him at a bench. I say "sure" again, more stupid! Before we had went to sit, he said, "Do you speak spanish?" Mind you, he's a white boy, by-far. I said, "Yeah." And he say's, "Eres una muchacha bonita." Translation, "you're a pretty girl." So, I get embarrassed and say thank you. Then we're walking to the bench and he say's, "Has anyone told you thank you today?" And I'm like, "for what?" He say's, "for being so beautiful." Dude! I never fall for this shit. What the hell is wrong with me?! Those damn eyes, I'm telling you! So I finally pick a magazine, after looking at them for an hour. I was trying to think of a way to get out of it. But I my mind was shooting a blank. And the whole time, he's carrying conversation with me. He really was a cool guy. Then I FINALLY pick a magazine, "Spin." Does it suck, I don't know. He starts making a receipt and I pull out my check book and ask, "How much?" He say's, "it comes out to $57." AAGHH! I done bent myself over. Sonofabitch. $57 for a 3 year subscription for "Spin." I'm so excited. I think I'll cry. Then he say's, "We keep your check for 10 day's. If you need to put a stop payment, I still get 1/2 of my points." He got points, for me getting one of the more popular magazinez. He got points for me having him send it as a gift. And he even got points for me having pictures on my checks. Since, that place was some personality thing. Checks with pictures show personality. I wasn't gonna put a stop payment, but I have to. Dude, almost 60 bucks! That's not cool. I feel bad. But so should he damnit! He'll still get half the points. And I STILL lose out on 15 bucks. That's the charge for the stop payment. I also have to fill out forms and fax them. I just wanted to do a good deed today! Guess I should stick to giving bums all my change or dollar's. I feel bad now :(. Should I? He was hott, though. If that's any consolation. (Talking to myself.) Anyway, I'm going out tonight. We're gonna hit up "Opium" again. I feel like getting all dressed up. It's been a while. That's a place where they do it up with the gear. So that'll be cool. I'm gonna go drop off Damian at grandma's, it's their weekend. Then go in for some over-time, then come home get ready, and get crunked! So today, I did enough to feel worth something. Oh yeah, that guy was telling me how his girlfriend told him she loved him for the first time, his eyes lit up when we was telling me, it was too cute. That bastard. Anyhow, I hope to not pass out this time and stalk people via my cell phone. So, if you're one of them, you don't have to answer or text me back. But it doesn't mean I'll stop trying. You can thank the "Captain" for that later!

.with far away eyes
posted by Jenn Doll at 5:17 PM 3 comments

Thursday, November 04, 2004

I Don't Want To

Okay, I thought I was in the mood to post, but I'm not. I'm feeling a bit discombobulated. But since I already took all the trouble of signing in, I'll drop a couple of lines. First, I'm sick. I can't be sick! I'm going out Friday. Hold me? Kiss it and make it better? Second, Katie's alive. You can breath now. Last, but not least, Terrorist Bush, as you know, declared victory and will represent America for four more years. America is oh so beautiful. And I love you, but right now, I think you're all a bunch of fucking tools.
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:05 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Ranting, Raving & Cursing

So I've never cared about election day. I hate politics from the depth of my soul, the pit of my stomach and my heart of hearts. I HATE politics, politician's or anything that has to do with it/them. I voted once and didn't care to go back, until this year. I voted this morning, and it felt good. If Bush wins, I'll fucking lose it. Plain and simple. Naturally, this year, I care. But let me first throw in that working here, it was fun voting for the Judge's. I felt like, "eat it fucker" for the Judges that have pissed me off. So that was cool. All the bond crap, it's not in lamen terms, so fuck if I'm voting for something that I have no clue what it is. For real, my luck, I find out that I voted to legalize raping 25 year old Hispanics named Jenn. Screw that. So anyway, I'm sitting here watching CNN and I probably shouldn't be. It's so fucking stressful. JESUS CHRIST! I hate politics! I learned more today about Electoral Votes than I've learned in my life and sonofabitch it pisses me off! Some states don't even count. Go here and read his recent posts on the election, and you'll get an idea of what I mean by some states don't count. I can't get into depth about it. Plus, he'll make you laugh. For real, go there. So anyway, my sister-n-law to be comes over today with my niece. I hear my niece and my son in the kitchen talking. So I listen, and these two 6 year old's are having a conversation about the election! What the is this world coming to!? It wasn't some lame conversation either. They were talking about the war, and why they like Kerry and not Bush. So weird. I finally asked them who told them to like Kerry, and they both said, "I just do." WOW! I'm still dumbfound by it all. Anyhow, watching CNN, I've managed to yell at the top of my lungs about 6 times. My co-worker keeps telling me to change the channel, but I can't. I just can't. I've been cussing so much, to say that I'm talking like a sailor would be an understatement. Electoral votes are fucking bull shit! They say to some extent that our votes don't count. FUCK THAT! Why am I voting then?! Sonofabitch, I want to go back to not caring about this shit. I hate Bush, he's the anti-christ. I hate Kerry, he's the anti-christ's partner. So I'll take the lesser of the two evil's. It did feel good voting, but at the same time this fucking election has been nothing but a catch fucking 22. I think 80% of the fuckin' nation feels that way. Aint that a bitch! We feel so godamn (note, that doesn't say god damn, it says's go damn thanks) obligated to vote and we're unsure of our vote. That's a mother fucker if you ask me. Go Nader! I kid! I kid! Why'd my vote change from assbag Bush to dicknose Kerry? I saw Farenheight 9/11. Yeah, I don't care if it's one-sided. Fuck that. Bush is a peckerhead. He's Binladen's bitch. He takes after his father. Okay, I can't believe I'm this worked up. But I am! I think I need to yell again! A cigarette might help. Right now it's Bush 51% and Kerry 49%, but that could change. Don't lose faith Jenn, don't. We're waiting on NV, NM (my state) and WI. They're talking about NM right now. "None of these 3 states can put either candidate over the top." FUCKIN' SONOF A MOTHERFUCKER! Nevada's most important right now. I will kick some stray dog if Bush wins. That fucking douche of an assramming fucking moron. Well, if Bush wins at least we know where we're at with the war. The same fucking place. In Iraq looking for those non-existant weapons of mass destruction! And we, the Bush fucks will keep Binladen in hiding. Bush knows where that fucking dirty looking queer Binladen is. But that's his boyfriend, so you know. Not to mention Bush gets it in the ass by the Afghani's too. AAGGGHH! I guess I should stop. I'm making myself crazy, crazy, crazy! I wish I lived in Austrailia or Italy, Paris, or somewhere along the lines right now. Not some crazy third-world country, but you know. I do love America, I really do. I just hate who's been representing us for the last four years. Hate's a strong word, I know. It's even worse when you actually feel it. And I hate Bush for bringing that out in me and and people all over the world. Think Hitler is in his family tree? Okay, for real this time, I'm done.

I don't have a cool quote or lyrics, but FUCK BUSH! Oh, and if you're a Bush fan, don't try to like kill me or something, it's politics, remember!
posted by Jenn Doll at 1:42 AM 4 comments

Monday, November 01, 2004

Invasion of the Ex's: Part II

So, it hasn't gotten any better. It's gotten worse. I thought, hey, it's just something in the air that has ex's calling. Well, if that's the case, it's STILL in the air and only getting stronger. Sometime's I wonder if they all know each other and think it'd be funny if they all called. It started with Elias. I was visiting with Paul, Bridget and Audra one day. We were all at Paul's house. We had just started eating dinner when there was knock at the door. I looked up and said, "That's Elias." When he walked in, Audra looked at me and said, "How did you know that?!" I had no clue, I just knew. None of us had talked to Elias in a long time, so that was even more strange. So anyhow, we didn't really talk much, we ate, watched a movie, then I left for work. A few days later he calls. Does the, "It was weird to see you. It was hard to look at you." I ask why, and he say's, "I don't know, it just was." Alrighty then! He starts telling me how I used to drive him crazy when we'd party and shoots down memory lane. I'm not adding much to it, because quite frankly, I don't like doing memory lane with an ex. I don't mind it with friends or if the ex doesn't like me anymore. Elias and I were friends after, but he still acts crazy sometimes, so I avoided the friend thing for the most part. Anyhow, a few days later we went to a movie, Ladder 49. It was nice. He didn't do memory lane, he didn't bug. We went as friends, and just that. I missed that with him. BUT, I don't remember exactly when, but it was in the past week or so, he called and started with the, "Why's." Oh no. Not going there. But he admitted to being really jealous when we were seeing each other. I told him, it was about time. But that didn't mean anything for us. Fix your jealousy, and you'll find someone. That someone isn't me sweetie, hence why you're an ex. Anyhow, so he's been calling, a lot. But not bothering with the memory stuff, or the why's so it's okay. Okay, so then, on Friday, Adrian calls. Now he's not technically an ex, but someone I see. I guess you could say that. He doesn't even live in the same state. And we only talk when he's in town, but that's very rare. So I answer the phone and get, "Hey, I'm driving in to town. What are you doing tonight?" I had no plans, so I figured what the hell. So he tells me he'll call when he gets in. He comes over, we buy some beer and rent a movie. Not feeling it! Drank one beer each, and I passed out at the beginning of the movie. Woke up, asked him if he was staying the night, he said yes, so we went to bed. Still not feeling it. I didn't sleep too good because as I said, not feeling it. Why? I don't know, I just wasn't. He left early that morning 'cause he had to go get his daughter. I didn't even kiss him, other than a little peck the whole time. Just couldn't do it. So that same night, when we laying on the couch watching the movie, before I passed out of course, my phone rings. It's a number I don't recognize so I answer. The person on the other end is obviously buzzed, but I couldn't make out the voice. So I asked, "Who's this?" He say's, "What the fuck do you mean who's this?!" So I go back with, "I MEAN who the fuck IS this!? And don't talk to me that way, asshole." He say's, "It's Anthony. I'm sorry for talking to you like that. I just thought you'd know my voice. You always do." I told him, "Yeah, but you're buzzed and your tone is different." All the while Adrian is listening. That's rude, or something. So Anthony starts telling me how he ran in to my mom and one of my brother's. And asks, why not me. I'm not sure where the brief conversation even went, but he ended up saying, "It'll always be there." It will? For you babe, not for me. You're five years ago. I left you to get back with the loser Ross, remember? I just said, something like "Yeah, it will. I gotta go." So we finally hung up. Done and done. So then Saturday came and the ball was dropped on me. It went something like, Elias - "Go with me to a Halloween party." Adrian - "Let's go out tonight." Eugene aka Genie - "Am I gonna see you tonight. Let's do something it's Halloween. Remember that one time when. . ." Joe - "Are you gonna go with me to that party?" Anthony- "When am I gonna see you?" Elias, you know I work and no thanks. I don't feel like dealing with you freaking out and going into a jealous rage. Adrian, you only call when you're in town. It's understandable. But other than your six pack, man boobs and pretty face, we're just not on the same page. Genie, Mr. Player of the year. Sorry babe, in my game, strike three, you're out. Oh, and yeah, I remember when. Joe, I met you at a gas station. You approached me and your first words were, "you wanna got with me to a party tomorrow." My son was standing right next to me. You call the next day and say, "So you wanna go with me to that party." No, stupid. Learn how to approach a girl first. Practice on your mom or something. Anthony, it will always be there. The memory. Memory = past. Other than your gorgeous eyes, and good looks, you have zero to offer me. CAN I GET SOME MENTAL STIMUALTION PLEASE?! Sonofabitch. Can someone call me besides some guy I USED to see. Well, Adrian isn't a used to see, but I kinda want him to be. I don't know, but I'm just not feeling any of these assrammers. Maybe it's me? Well, I analyzed each situation and it's not. Anthony treated me like Princess, but I left him to get back with Ross. Even if that wasn't the case, he didn't work, he didn't graduate, etc. Elias, we're great friends, but his life revolves around being with someone. He's in love with being in love. And that's fine, but if he could control it. He falls for just about every girl he dates, and always tries to come back to me. I think that has to do with us being friends, but it sucks. I'm done giving him advice. Adrian is a cool guy, but it's just not there. Other than physical attraction, that is. He's not dumb, and he's military and has a good job, but again, there's just no sparks. Genie, he's just for a good time. And I don't mean it that way. He's fun to party with, nonetheless. He also has zero to offer. Other than his great height and Jeckyl and Hyde personality. So anyway, Saturday was a trip. Audra was with me and was like, "What the hell?!" Then again, so was I. Change my number? I would, but it has my name and it makes me cool or something. Plus, I'm not calling everyone and their mom to tell them my new number. Including hospitals and school and stuff for my son. So no! I guess I'll have to stop answering unknown or blocked numbers. I can't though! You never know who it could be! Oh yeah, Ross called too. Not for me of course, for Damian. You know, how he does on holiday's. Not birthday's, just holiday's. Maybe I'm just too nice? Maybe I need to just be like NO? But I like them being my friends, I do. They're all good and fun people. Why do they have to do the "Remember when's.," or the "why's?" That only sets us up for argument or wanting to "try" something. I don't want to try, I already did. Just be my friend damnit! I won't be cutting any of them off, except Joe that is. They'll remain my friends. I can call them when I'm in trouble as they could me. I guess that whole, "I can rely on you" thing is what keeps us friends. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I just went. I guess I just want to desire someone both mentally and physically. So until next time. . .

.Somewhere deep down, where souls and real feelings dwell, know that I am surrendering

posted by Jenn Doll at 7:03 PM 1 comments

My Dreams & My Baby

Strange enough I dreamt about my Dad last night. It's rare that I dream about him. In my dream, he met one of my friends. I remember hugging him and it feeling so real. In the dream he was a ghost, but no one knew. Then I opened my big mouth and made him mad. Mom had known the whole time. Me and my big mouth. I hate dreams. I know, I shouldn't, blah blah. But my dreams are never good. They're always bad or terribly weird. Usually I don't dream, but for the past week or so, it's been non-stop. It can't be the drugs, or can it? I didn't think acid had that affect, or something. So anyhow, even more weird, my son today asked, as he usually does on occasion, "Mom, who's your dad?" So I tell him, "Grandpa Danny." And he usually starts on the conversation of, "I didn't know him." Today, for the first time he asked, "What did he look like?" So I told him, "Like your Uncle Danny, Uncle Eddie and me!" It was a great conversation. Then he said, "I wish I knew him." So I told him that Grandpa Danny is waiting for us when we get our wings. For the past week or so my son has started the "I don't want the world to change. I want everyone to be the same. I don't want to die. I don't want you to die." He's six years old!! Where he gets this stuff, I don't know. If it were up to him he would be 6 forever. He's not excited to grow up and drive and work and all that fun stuff kids look forward to. He's just fine being a kid and playing with toys. My Mom told me he brought it up to her too. She asked, "Why do you think he's like that?" I told her, "Damian just loves life! He loves his family and friends. He loves everything and anything. He appreciates the smallest things. And for his age knows not to take things for granted." She agreed. It just always makes us kinda "weirded" when he's in that state-of-mind. I think some of it has to do with my Grandpa passing away last year. Of all the kids, Damian was the only one who understood then what death was. He mentions my Grandpa now and then, and say's how he misses him. He has a very good understanding of death. So I think some of it stems from that. Also, like I said, his love for life. He wakes up happy, he goes to sleep happy. He's extactic with a dollar toy. He knows the value of money, and it doesn't bother him to get a cheap toy. He loves to love. When we're driving somewhere, in a fifteen minute drive, he'll have said, "I love you, Mom" at least twice. And it's always just out-of-the-blue. He's always so excited to see my nieces, or a friend. He lights up when he sees his dad or anybody on that side of the family. He loves his little brother, and his dads, girlfriends son. He doesn't like when anyone argues or fights. Given, any kid doesn't. If he hears someone talking bad about someone else, he throw in his opinion on the person being talked about and make sure you know that there's good sides to them. He used to say that I couldn't have a boyfriend. How cute, huh?! But now he's okay with it. I finally asked him one day why he didn't want me to have a boyfriend and he said something along the lines of, "because then you'll always fight like my dad and Angelica." So I had to explain to him that his dad and Angelica just didn't have a healthy relationship. I then gave him plenty of examples of happy couples that we know. Then I had to yell at his dad and tell him that our son's view of a relationship was fighting because of him and his girlfriend. From what I know, they don't fight in front of him anymore. Which is good, because I was ready and still am ready to get gangster to the core on them. For real, I'll walk up in there all West Siiiiide! Haha. Anyhow, my son amazes me everyday. I'm blessed to have such a beautiful person in my life. He reminds me to be happy with the cards I'm dealt. Sometimes I don't know what to tell a 6 year old that say's "I don't want to die," or "Mom, I don't want you to die." But in the end, my words come out fine. Afterall, I do have that "motherly instinct." That instinct rocks! Plus, I'm just psychic or something. I'll have to do a post on that too. It's actually pretty scary. So you don't have to tell me, I already know! Haha, I kid! I kid! Don't get all, "Oh no! She already knows! What do I do?!" But I do have some kind of psychic shit going on. Just call me "Madam Jenn." To hell with Cleo! Okay, I went completely off on some weird rant, but that's okay too. Until next time!

"Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first." ~Mignon McLaughlin
posted by Jenn Doll at 2:33 AM 1 comments