Friday, April 29, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Reality Is That Which, When You Stop Believing In It, Doesn't Go Away
Some good realities time will bring me. . .
- I get qualified for my place in 6 day's.
- Katie's 21st birthday is in 14 day's.
- I leave in 22 day's to Vegas for my birthday with 5 other girls.
- I am Mariah's maid-of-honor in 38 day's.
- I leave in 49 day's to Vegas to be maid-of-honor in my brother's wedding.
- My son turns 7 in September.
- I finally pay off my car next year.
Next post - Spring Crawl '05 and the funtimes!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Where's The Beef?
Waitress - "She wants the beef fried rice."
Cook - "Yeah?"
Waitress - "She looks like a cow, we don't want to feed her one."
Cook - "Yeah, she could loose about 10 pounds."
Waitress - "Just give her rice, it's to-go anyway."
Reminds me of once when I was little, the family had went to McDonald's and when my dad had got his burger there was no patty. Turns out he had asked for a "grilled cheese" instead of a "cheese burger." Then explaining the silly looks on the faces of the people behind the register when he ordered.
Anyhow, my mom went to that restaurant today and told the lady what happend, so I got my beef fried rice. Eat a cow, bitches!
Happy Birthday Daddy
I love you. . .
Sunday, April 17, 2005
The Poorest Man Is Not Without A Cent, But Without A Dream
"The best reaason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary." ~Ashleigh Brilliant
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Cutting The Cord
Oh, and for those that know how much I love (hate) pink, just so you could make fun of me, looks like I'll be wearing a champagne colored dress for my brother's wedding. Yes, champagne = a very light pink, bitches! But I'm getting a house, so what?!
Monday, April 11, 2005
New Mexico Women
The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house clean and do what needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from West Virginia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a girl from New Mexico. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye.
I'm not violent, I swear.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Always The Bride's Maid, Never The Bride
So on Friday night I had a wedding rehearsal at 6 for my cousin's wedding. The wedding is on Saturday and my dress isn't ready yet. When I went to try it on, it was way too big. When I went back on Friday before rehearsal, I had to wait because they were fixing it while I was there. Good Lord! I paid you over a month ago to make the dress. And you guys were NOT cheap! $175 bucks and the dress isn't ready? The wedding's TOMORROW! So, they finish, I try it on again, and it's STILL NOT RIGHT. They say, "we'll take it to the church." Fine, whatever. They half-assed it, but luckily my hair is long and covered that part. But for $175 bucks they could have at least had it ready sooner. Anyhow, I had planned my timing to be able to get home after rehearsal and give myself a french manicure and get ready for the wedding. Guess what? I hear the maid-of-honor telling my cousin (the bride to be) that they aren't gonna have time to do her nails. So, I'm thinking that's fucked up. SO, I tell my cousin I'll do her nails for her. We go to Wal-Mart and get the stuff for the nails. BUT before we leave, the maid-of-honor say's, "Jenn, can you get flowers for the hall?" Flowers for the hall?! Bitch! The wedding's tomorrow and you've known this for how long?! You're a grrrreat maid-of-honor! So me and my cousin are at Wal-Mart for at least an hour, killing my plans to be getting ready. I go back and do her nails, which takes at least an hour. THEN, one of the other bride's maid's asks if I'd do her nails, and she's really cool so I couldn't say no. Then all of a sudden everyone wants french manicures. I finally showed them how to do it and left. I didn't get home 'til about 11. Bullshit! I no longer wanted a french manicure since they all had it, so I ended up doing one anyway, except with the tips matching my dress instead of white. I'm cool like that. I finally pass out at about midnight and have to be up they said at 7 to go decorate the hall. The maid-of-honor said we were ALL going to be there. Bullshit. I was there, the bride's parents were there, the groom was there, bride's sister and groom's brother-n-law (maid-of-honor's husband). Guess who decorated the hall all by herself? That's right. Your's truly. And we didn't get there at 7:30 like we were supposed to. We go there at 9. I go wash my car LATE because they screwed me all up. Didn't get home and in the shower until 11. I have to leave at 12. Fuck a hair-do. It's their fault. So I just left it straight and boring. Get to the church. I'm the 2nd one there. Of course.
The ceremony was beautiful. My cousin was an emotinal wreck the entire time. Even before when we were in the bathroom waiting, she was crying. It was a trip to see because she doesn't cry for anything! Like seriously. She looked gorgeous and her groom did, too. After the ceremony we (wedding party) went to the gas station and it took everyone 10 days to do whatever it is they were doing. Then we all went to the groom's (maid-of-honor's) father's grave. Yeah, they made us all go. It's understandable that he'd want his dad there, but I don't even think it was his idea. I think it was his brother's (bestman). Then after that we went to someone's house so everyone could use the restroom. That only took us about two fucking hours. And where was the maid-of-honor when the bride needed to use it and needed help with the dress? Who knows? But guess who helped her? Right again! Your's truly. After that everyone's finally ready to go, so they said get in our cars. For what? I sat there for another fucking 20 minutes. Then we went to a park to take pictures. And we were there forever. Teh photographer sucked and didn't know how to pose people. So guess who ended up posing people? Mmhmm, me again. When we had went to their dad's grave I opened my mouth saying we should go to my granpa's too. So my uncle wouldn't let it go. So we all went there. It was rough for me, my three cousins, and my uncle. The day before marked two years since he'd been gone. Seemed like only yesterday. Anyhow, by this time at least 3 1/2 hours had passed so we decide to head to the hall. We were all starving to death!! On the way the bestman decided to make the whole wedding party follow him home to drop off his car. More fun. But we FINALLY got to the hall. I honked my horn so much it died, TWICE. I was so amused the whole time. Hey, it's not often you can just drive around honking your horn like a psycho and not get in trouble for it. So I took advantage of the situation. Oh, and the weather was nice so we got drive with the top down.
At the hall later in the night someone (my cousin Ernie) stole the bride. He had pretended he was going to and I said, "Fuckin' take her!" So he did. The groom saw, though. So he called later demanding a ransom of $160. He then called back and demanded the whole wedding party be outside when they get back. So I walked around the hall arm in arm with the groom, while he did a pimp strut (he was acting silly) telling people that they kidnapped his wife and he needed money to get her back. We got about $120 bucks in about 10 minutes. We all went outside and waited. My cousin has the same car as me and when they drove up, the top was down and the bride was sitting on the top of the car. Looked like she was having a blast. (FYI, my uncle was pissed when they stole her. We had to tell him to calm down because it was a fun tradition.) Later on my cousin gave the money to them in front of everyone. (Well, that's the point.)
I danced 'til it hurt and I wanted to cry. But I kept dancing. I danced for hours straight! I drank and only spent $25 bucks on my tab. Score! I had thee best dance partners ever! My cousin Ernie, his friend Ray, and the groom. We got to Ranchera and Cumbia the night away. (No salsa, damnit.) And we danced to some old school, too. All in all, it was a great night. My cousin was happy and that's what mattered. She thanked me for doing all of the maid-of-honors duties that entire day as I had continued through-out the night. So the sincere thank you was enough to make my heart warm.
Next wedding, June 4th, Mariah & Adam. Mariah said, "If Adam has *insert friend's name here* (I'm lame, I freakin' know his name) stand in it, then you can stand with him. It's like, don't ask me like you're doing me a favor, stupid.
The wedding after, June 16, Eddie (my brother) & Marylyn. I'll be the maid-of-honor. I'm so excited! If I do stand in Mariah's wedding, which chances are not, this will mark wedding number 5 that I stand in. Maid-of-honor twice. Always the bride's maid, never the bride. BUT, it's because I'm loved.
That last post wasn't me, it was Katie. You guys are L-A-M-E. Katie has two on you guy's now. I'd have thought you'd get it after the first time. That post has Katie written all over it! Would I talk about my bones aching like an old hag? No, but Katie would. Would I say "nigga" on a post? No, but Katie would, if she's pretending to be me. Would I make fun of myself saying "Four score and 10,000 years ago?" No. Okay, yeah, but Katie definately would. Would I say that I'm addicted to MySpace? No, but Katie would. (I was only addicted for the firs two weeks. Andrew is the MySpace whore. But I did get like 10 people to join.) Going clubbing? No, Katie, I told you I had the wedding, dyke. Would I say "dagnabit?" No, but Katie would. Would I say, "It must be the Mexican in me?" NO! But Katie would! SLACKERS!
I'll stand in your wedding, too.