Jenn's Reverie

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Question:

What is cheating? When is cheating, cheating?
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:55 AM

29 Comments:

Cheating, a wise man once told me, is something you wouldn't do if everyone you knew was watching.

-- david

5:11 AM  

Nice, David.

5:21 AM  

"would you do it in front of your wife/husband (girlfriend/boyfriend) if not... then it's cheating"

Amen, Linny!!

5:37 AM  

Why do you ask?

~Jef

7:30 AM  

are you sending a message to your husband Jenn?

7:40 AM  

I think cheating is any betrayal of trust that involves any person outside the relationship in any remotely romantic or sexual nature.

7:52 AM  

Whatever cheating is, it doesn't count if you don't get caught

8:50 AM  

Great responses! David, Linny and Tom have done a good job of cutting right to the basics of it in terms of relationships.
I agree with Prufrock on the side of it not being a 100% destroyer of relationships, much like pneumonia doesn't guarantee death anymore. But left untreated, the prospects aren't good.
I hope UNLV is joking; too many people actually think that way.
It is interesting to me that everyone assumed this to be a relationship question. Is this because that is one area we think the rules are ambiguous, whereas tests, taxes and baseball the rules are cut and dried. We all know where the boundries are and know it is wrong to cross them.
I'm pretty sure there are men that won't golf with other guys because they cheat at golf - don't count every stroke, improve the lie, etc. Then they go to their girl on the side and complain about so-and-so and his lack of integrity.
My question is, what brings someone to be willing to cheat (in any form)?

9:11 AM  

Per Bill Clinton, its a non-issue... so lets talk about music while we're all naked ;-p

You ok, bella? eeps! *hug*

9:26 AM  

David, I swear that was Oprah that said that...

Cheating is doing something that you hope to God isn't going to get back to your signifiant other.

Technically, cheating is having a relationship outside of your marriage/partnership. That includes emotional or sexual relationships.

9:59 AM  

cheating is to break the rules that other people follow for your own advantage.

Its not cheating if its not against the rules.

Easy.

10:27 AM  

All I know is eating ain't cheating. Because I have an mc chris shirt that says so.

11:28 AM  

I agree with if you wouldn't do it in front of your significant other, then it is cheating.

3:13 PM  

it ain't cheatin' unless ya get caught. jesus fuckin' christ i thought everyone knew that! am i being racist again?

5:37 PM  

People have defined it so well here, that I don't have anything to add.

5:53 PM  

Not to open up a can of worms but is kissing someone else cheating? If thats all you do? And if so how much kissing? Since of course I have had friends who give each other a peck when they see each other.

8:50 PM  

Kissing, and anything more than tittie action are cheating.

8:52 PM  

Prufr0ck: I think it does always destroy a relationship. It's like Linny said, even if it's at that moment. Whether it'd be brief or for long.

"A cheating person might just be trying to elude or escape the real concerns within the relationship..." Agreed. But, let's just say that they have someone who they've always dreamed of. Someone that loves them more than life itself. This person would do anything for them. And one day, they just stray. What is it they're trying to elude/escape? What concerns could they possibly have? They aren't happy being happy?

Jef: Inquiring minds want to know. :P

Linny: "what is betrayal", oh goodness, I'll save it for another post!

Kurt & Linny: I like that you guys took it in an all new direction altogether. Kurt, not that I thought about it, but since you mentioned it, I find it interesting that most did assume cheating relationship wise. Although they are right, it is interesting. "My question is, what brings someone to be willing to cheat (in any form)?" Same question I asked Prufr0ck applies here...

Lloyd: Would you have to hide it? Would your significant other care?

Here's my thing, you can go party one night and kiss someone, it's cheating. You can meet someone and build a relationship with them and never so much as kiss, but you HIDE IT, it's cheating. Ask yourself, WHY would you hide it? Let's just say you still talk to ex's or other's and your significant other never had a problem with it. Why is it suddenly a problem? If there are feelings involved, it's cheating. And actually, I think it hurts more. I'd rather get punched in the face than have my emotions fucked with. If you're taking time to get to know someone and hiding it, not only is it on MY time, but you're betraying MY trust. Period. Again, agreeing with Linny, I'd rather them just let me go. At least I leave with some kinda dignity knowing that the other person at LEAST respected me enough to that much. When someone cheats, they are then making the person they are cheating on live a lie. The person being cheated on doesn't even know it, but yet, the cheater does and some other person (person cheating with) out there, too. It kills a persons feeling of self-worth and then some. That's putting it lightly.

Okay, I should probably stop ranting. That's why I did the post like I did in the first place. Damn me!

10:48 PM  

When you don't want to tell him / her about it or when you don't want him / her to find out about it.

11:13 PM  

John: NICE! I think that's what I said, only in essay form.

11:46 PM  

Great posts. I'm in the group that define cheating along the same lines as David did at the start. It's not insurmountable, but cheating eats at the heart of a relationship because it destroys trust. And trust is vital for true intimacy. If we can't trust someone we're not going to be vulnerable with them. It's when we're able to truly open ourselves to another that intimacy can grow and we can forge a bond that can withstand all life has to throw at us.

8:27 AM  

pru, i disagree on the point of every relationship failing. I look to my parents as inspirations along with many other people I know. I'm not saying the relationships were perfect; in fact, nearly all are flawed in some way. It is the vulnerability and intimacy that wake writes of that makes balance. Cheating creates an imbalance that tilts it one way or the other. Whether to stabilize it, whether it is worth the effort and compromise it takes to stabilize are decisions that each must make.

8:42 PM  

Cheating is doing something that you know you shouldn't do, don't want to be seen doing but do anyhow because you'll enjoy it however temporary the satisfaction of it lasts. This applies to busty redheads as well as Cold Stone icecream.

1:52 PM  

everytime I visit your blog I feel like I'm about to get stabbed. That dude's pic is scary.

3:31 PM  

woo woo on the new photo!!!

11:46 PM  

Cheating is giving what you know rightfully belongs to someone to someone else. Love, affection, physical acts, loyalty. You know when you do it. You know when it's been done to you.
It always hurts a relationship terribly, whether it's discovered or not,and I think that at least a little of the pain and suspicion from it linger, but I do believe that some people survive it.

11:11 AM  

Cheating is betraying trust in a committed relationship. If that trust included not thinking about the penis-corney dog, that would be cheating.

More concretely for most normal relationships, however, I think cheating would involve having physical or emotional contact with someone outside of the relationship that drew energy/time/commitment/love from the relationship. Its not just when nasty bits collide - it is what happens afterwards. How you draw away from your love. How you treat him differently.

6:15 AM  

Cheating is when you go home and find your boyfreind thingie in someone elses mouth. I think. So I've been told.

Hey baby, missed ya!

2:11 PM  

It's only cheating when you get caught, up until that point it's just plain HOT!

And David, you have it wrong, "Morals, it's wha tyou do when no one is watching"

7:14 AM  

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