Jenn's Reverie

Alright alright, I'm finally blogging. Happy now? Sheesh. I leave blogging for a week and everyone's all up in my business trying to get me back. I'm fuckin' obsessed with Myspace, what can I say? I have like 163 friends on there, I'm the motherfuckin bomb, yo. And did you guys check out the kickass clubs I'm in? It took me weeks to get an invite into the Straight Up Boxing one, but it was totally worth it. There's some hott guys in it! Katie, quit hating on my clubs. You're just jealous, you pussy.

Works has been hell lately. I'm tired. Story of my life these days it seems. I called off yesterday to get some much needed rest but I'm still aching for more sleep. My joints have been feeling really stiff lately too. Must be because I get home from work and then sit at the computer instead of sleeping. Or my old age. Probably the latter.

I'm excited for this weekend. I'm gonna go clubbing in my sexy stillettos. I feel like I haven't gone out in forever, except for Tejas last weekend. I want to go there again too! Those guys were so nice, I can't wait to hang out with them again. They give me the respect I deserve!

I've got three weddings coming up soon. Dagnabbit. These bitches think I got money for all this shit? Well I do, but that's not the point. I'm a motherfuckin' balla, bitches. Three weddings is a bit excessive, don't you think. I wish they would have conferenced with me about the timing of these things, it would have been helpful.

I've had my brother's computer for the past few days and have been talking to Katie waaaay too much on it. Don't listen to what she tells you, I DID NOT say the "4 score and 10,000 years ago." White girl must be on crack. She keeps calling me a pussy and now shes got me saying it too. I pretty much steal everything of what Katie says and claim it as my own. It must be the Mexican in me. When are you going to Arizona ho? I hope you're 21 by the time you get here! If I ever remembered anyones birthday I would be able to figure out if you would be or not, but I can't so shut up about it.

I'm gangsta to the core and you my nigga.

So I'm still up from work last night 'cause my son and his friend are here and I can't leave these two up without adult supervision. Anyhow, my boredom has lead me to surfing the web from my cell phone. I have just figured out that I can blog through my cell. I'm sure some of you are thinking that would take all day, BUT if you've ever had an instant messaging conversation with me while I'm on my cell you know that I'm geeky fast! Anyhow, I just wanted to check this out. Ciao, bitches!

So Friday night we're supposed to go out, just downtown when Nancy calls me and we have a conversation that goes. . .

Nancy - Elena's going to El Paso. Let's go.
Me - For what and when? (It's 6:00pm)
Nancy - For a birthday party. (to Elena) What time are you leaving?
Elena - (in the background) Around 6:30, 7-ish. More towards 7.
Me - (thinking, you're some crazy bitches) Let me think about it.

So I call her back in roughly 3 minutes or so and it goes. . .

Me - Okay, I'll go.
Nancy - Well hurry up then!
Me - For what?
Nancy - You have to be ready. We're driving straight to the party.
Me - Oh great!

So they pick me up about 30 minutes later and we're off to Texas! We talked and sang, mostly sang, all the way there. Well, Nancy and I passed out for a quick minute. We get there and we're treated with nothing but respect. The guy's all shake your hand and/or hug you followed by a kiss on the cheek. The girl's all shake your hand and say "Much gustos." Nice to meet you. I understand spanish but don't speak it as well. We had a total blast with all the language barriers. We all made fun of ourselves. Got to hear one of the guys play guitar while the entire party sang-a-long. We crashed out about 5:00am and we're up and on the road back home by 6:30. On the way back it was nothing but talking. Anyhow, I hadn't been to such a nice party in a while. They invited us to go back and we're taking them up on the offer. We're gonna head over to Juarez and do it up! Hopefully they don't try to keep me there! I'll be like, "Sexy Mexy, US Citizen." And US Customs, will be like, "Sure you are, sure you are!" And then send me on the road back down to Juarez. Bastards. I hope you're all enjoying laughing at my race right now. No, really, I do! Especiall you, Katie. I wanted to get a little more detailed on the whole party thing, but I gotta get back to work.

If you don't have a MySpace account, get one! I've heard some awesome music over there. Don't use the blog much though. Or you could learn like Bill that people don't read blogs there after he said screw blogger and was leaving it for MySpace. Billy Jack, Billy Jack, you can never leave the blogger!

The almighty president is here in my lovely city today. The thought makes me sick to my stomach. He should be in YOUR state, not mine. UGH!

Two day's ago I was driving my car with the top down, tonight the news is showing two-hour delay's due to snow! It's so pretty. I'm really loving it.

On Saturday night, I got paged into work, AGAIN! The joy's. But before work, I met up with Mrs. Patty and her boyfriend Taco! Met them over at the Launchpad to see the "12 Step Rebels," a hardcore band. I had such a good time. First we just hung out and talked on the bar side, then when the Rebels went on we over the watch and listen. The Launchpad isn't that big, so the moshpit was basically the whole fucking floor. I was like, "Yeah, I gotta get away from there, because I'll wanna punch and moshing isn't for punching!" Taco was standing behind Patty at the front of the circle of the moshpit and they were getting bumped here and there. But there was this one fucking awesome time, they got bumped and Patty got thrown back a bit, Taco was out like lightning! He wasn't even planning on pitting, but there he went. He was the last one in there that round. He wasn't necessarily standing though. Every time he fell someone picked him up and he was off again. He freakin' had his eyes closed the whole time. I was proud to be there with the crazy one! After the show, I dropped them off at their room, then came in to work. Had I not went to the show first, I'd have been seriously pissed about coming into work. Anyhow, so now I've met two of the old school ML1'ers. Woot!

Well, I have to get back to work. It's been hell over here this past week or so.

Oh yeah, and Gabe is the one that got me started on blogging and now thanks to him I'm on MySpace. Damn Gabe.

I opened up my comments, again. Sorry, Andrew, Rae, Chelle, I saw that you guy's mentioned it. I was over at "his" blog and he's still at it, so please do me a favor, if they leave anymore comments just ignore it. I'll delete them as soon as I have a chance, k. If it persists I'll close them again and invite you guy's to comment. Love to you all!

Today proved to be a nice day. Went over to Grandma's house and had a bar-b-que for my oldest brother. He'll be 31 soon. My other brother and his family showed. Mom and her boyfriend were there. Damian, of course. My cousin Ernie and his friend Joe. We finally got a picture of all of the grandkids together with my Mom. She was really excited about that. She's got 5! My oldest brother has the oldest, Savannah, she's 9. He also has Danyel, who's 4. Then my brother Eddie has Breanna that's 6, 7 in a few weeks. He also has Brittney who's just about 3 months and I have Damian, who is 6 1/2. My brother Eddie and his girlfriend Marylyn are planning on one more, we're all hoping and praying for a boy. For more reasons than one. Well, for one they just want a boy. One of the main reason's is because there isn't anybody to carry my Dad's last name. When the girls someday get married, they will take their husband's last name and their kids will also carry the last name of their father's. I gave Damian his dad's last name, which I now regret. He truly doesn't deserve it. I can't change it without him signing over all rights, which he's not going to do, but should. Yes, he's in Damian's life, KINDA. And yes, when he is with Damian he's a great father, but that's WHEN he's with him. Anyhow, so we're left with no one to carry my Dad's last name. I lost my Dad many year's ago and this is the only wish I have. I have hundreds of cousin's on his side to carry the name, but it's not the same. Also, the only to carry my Grandpa's (Mom's Dad) is my cousin Richard. He's 27. He doesn't have a girlfriend or kids. He'd damn better get on it! I also lost my Grandpa, only two years ago. Anyhow, after the little birthday gathering I headed out to Wal-Mart for the second time this week and took my niece Breanna with us. Damian and I, that is. Damian and Breanna are more like brother and sister than cousin's. When they haven't seen eachother for a while they get antsy to hang out. So on the way to Wal-Mart they're conversating and one of their conversation went something like. . .

Breanna - Did you know Grandpa could be anywhere? He could be at your house, he could be at my house, he could even be at Wal-Mart.
Damian - Yeah, he could be anywhere. His real body's up in heaven, though.
Breanna - He's at his house too. (Lots of other stuff I couldn't hear.) I miss him.
Damian - Could you please stop talking about it, before I cry or something.
Breanna - Why?
Damian - Because it's sad.
Breanna - I wish we could start all over.
Damian - Yeah, then we'd babies again.
Breanna - Yeah, that'd be cool.
Damian - Wait, but then your little sister wouldn't be here, or my little brother.
Breanna - hmmm....yeah.

I listened to this conversation between two six year old children and it brought tears to my eye's. Six year's old! Are six year old children supposed to have this understanding of life and death? Has the loss of my Grandpa at such a young age scared them at the thought of growing up? Damian has said on many occasion's that he doesn't want to grow up and wants to stay this age forever. And that he wants everyone (the people he loves) to stay this way forever. My niece told my Mom the other day that she's the luckiest girl in the whole world because she has her mommy, daddy and sister. That she has a great family. She understand's that now day's most kids don't have that. She understand's that she is rare in that, and blessed. Damian heard this and stayed kinda quiet. I think it was due to him not having Ross around like he and any other child wants their daddy. Unfortunately, I fit into that statistic of single mother, and dead-beat-dad. There are many time's that Damian brings up my Grandpa. There's also many time's that he asks question's about my Dad. Who he was, what he did and so forth. Everytime he's so sincere. It's like he misses my Dad even though he never got to spend time with him.Hearing this conversation between these two children, my son and niece at that, has had me thinking all day. Unfortunately, it's had me thinking that this world is a sad place for such beautiful spirits. That we, including myself, can be and are so petty. That we "cry" and bitch and complain about the stupidest shit ever. IE: Blog drama? It's the pettiest thing I've done in a really long time. Childish, too. I don't even know these people and I wasted time on them, just for kicks. And yeah, I'd much rather be childish and stupid on a computer than in person, so at least it was just that, but still. I was gonna delete all the stupid comments, but decided to leave them to remind myself not to be petty and/or fall into stupid shit when it arises. Really, none of it bothered me to a point where I actually thought about it. But I did put time into typing the stupid comments and so on and so forth. I guess we all have that inner-child who wants to be dramatic and sometime's need to be put in check, or maybe just some of us. Damn my inner-child! Here we are acting like idiots and there's six year old children loving life for what they have. I didn't make a new year's resolution, but I'm going to. Not just for the year, for my future. Things are going really well for me right now. Well, not completely, but I know there's someone out there going through alot worse, so I'll cut my losses and count my blessings. Life's too short to live it in misery. We can't prevent the bad, but we can sure as hell try. The world seems to get crazier every day and it scares me to think what my son will be growing up in and see and hear. I can only do what I can. I try to prevent the craziness of the world from tainting him today, but there's time's where it still slips through my fingers. I can't put my resoulution into words, and don't care to. But for me and for my son is what it's all about.

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." - John Homer Miller

"All we see of someone at any moment is a snapshot of their life, there in riches or poverty, in joy or despair. Snapshots don't show the million decisions that led to that moment." - Richard Bach

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

So I haven't done a real post since like the middle of Feburary. I have been keeping up with your blogs though. I was telling Andrew and Katie that I just hadn't blogged because it'd probably be a post about all that's going on and bitching, and it's quite alot. But Katie said she didn't care what the hell it was about and to just to damn do it. I'm scared of that taller than trees white girl so I'll do it damnit! But it's gonna be list style. So. . . .

What I've been up to. . .
1. Finally filed for child support. I not only filled out the paperwork, I actually sent it in. I've been filling out the papers for years and never send it in. That's a battle to come. Along with lots of stress.
2. Hung out with the ex and his family the other day. Twilight Zone.
3. Getting my own place soon. I'll still have to stay at Mom's all the time. Working graveyard, need a sitter. School's down the road from Mom's house too. So that sucks. Get my own place and can't ever be there. Nice. More stress, moving's a bitch.
4. Have three weddings in the upcoming months. All three of which it looks like I'll be standing in. Maid-of-honor in one, which will be in Vegas. Gonna cost me. But I'm honored.
5. Baptizing two of my four nieces also in the upcoming months. (Should be three of the four, but my older brother's a slacker.) Gonna cost me more! But again, I'm honored.
6. Damian called 911 last night. He's grounded. More so for lying about it, than doing it.
7. Had a kickass 3 day's off. Spent every moment with my son.
8. Redecorated my room. Elvis, Marilyn Monroe & James Dean. It's great.
9. Works been a bitch. It's like suffering menopause at 25.
10. My hair is back to it's natural color. No more highlights, every girl and their great grandma's sporting them.
11. My two month old niece was sick in the hospital. She dehydrated pretty bad and lost six ounces. They stuck fucking needles in her head. Her little hands are bruised from them trying a million times to get needles in them. Stupid fucks.
12. Damian's little brother (ten months old) was admitted for three days with pneumonia.
13. George Bush is making my Grandma sick, literally. Because of his new health care changes they put her on generic brands of insulin and she's not taking it well at all. She's been in and out of the hospital for day's. I wish he would fucking die.

Peeves and Nonsense on my mind.....
1. Groupies. Especially one's that think they know the celebrity all good. Bitch, you're just a fan like all the rest. Get over it.
2. People who like to put words into other people's mouths. Say what you will, but don't fucking talk for me.
3. They're, there and their each have their own fucking meaning. They're - contraction of they are. There - signifying a place. Their - possesive form of they. Use them right already.
4. Realise and realize do too. Realise - v 1: earn on some commercial or business transaction; earn as salary or wages; Realize - To comprehend completely or correctly. (I know realise can be used as realize too, but it makes me crazy. [Sorry, Andrew and Stell, I know you use the s instead, but could you stop? I love you!])
5. Friends seem to be more of a hassle than help. (Not talking about mine.)
6. People are so fucking petty these day's it's sickining and makes me feel ill.
7. I don't have any enemies, not one.
8. I'm blessed with friends.
9. People just don't want to be happy and refuse to let others be. I'm sorry your life sucks, but don't try bringing others down with you.
10. People trying to get under my skin. It won't work. You're nobody. Nobody gets nowhere.
11. "Blog drama" Do any of you really care? (I know my friends don't.) I could give two shits. I mean what can happen, really? Someone on the internet, in other states doesn't like me and now their friends don't. It's such a big loss. I'm torn. But I vow here and now, I'm done with it. So stop crying already. Live like you were dying, bitches!