Jenn's Reverie

Another gloomy day down at the station. I wake up to a text message telling me that one of our Deputy's was shot and killed. Further information has yet to be released to the public. It's snowing out, the roads are icing up, schools are closing down, families are calling to make sure it's not one of their own. My friends in Crime Analysis have been here all morning trying to get to the core of it. The mood of the building is overall somber. Today will prove to be a long day.

Is there really such a thing as someone being out of someone's league? You know, the Cinderella story. People have told me, though after the fact, that I was out of their (ex's) league. First, I'm sure this is one of those things someone say's to make you feel better. Second, is this saying that I am "better" than them? I'd be lying if I said I didn't think that there are these so-called "leagues." There's been many a times when I've met a guy and think he's out of my league. Be it physically, mentally and/or financially.

Anyhow, I remember once my friend and I went out with her at the time boyfriend and his brother. His brother was definitely a good looking guy. We went out, partied, danced and had an overall good time. When we got back to my friend's apartment, he (the brother) took off his shirt to change, and Good Lord! Guy was sliced, diced and everything nice! Just like the underwear model guys, tan was kicking and natural and just wow! At that moment, I thought, 'he's out of my league.' I thought he belonged with some Carmen Elektra looking girl that was in shape like he was. We ended up hooking up, but for the longest time I felt so damn insecure. In the end, he was just fine with me. Though, 'til this day I don't know why. We even ended up seeing each other for quite a while. He was a military guy who lived in Tucson, AZ. He'd come out and stay for days at a time and I even made my way out there to visit.

I'd like to think that there's no one better and at the same time there's always better. That theory in itself is what keeps me from acting on that messed up emotion we call jealousy. Note that I didn't say I don't get jealous, I said that I don't act on it. Not usually anyway. (We'll save the jealousy topic for a later time.) I think about those shows on like Maury Povich that have those "different" couples. I'm not sure what they title them, but you have say a midget man with some seven-foot woman, or some hardcore rocker girl with some Abercrombie and Fitch guy, you get the gist of it. I admire those couples for not caring what people think and not feeling above the other. So, I guess the question at hand is, is feeling like someone is out of your league simply insecurity? Or are there people who are really out of your league?

You never really know a person, because in essence, they never really know themselves. People are forever changing. Doing things they never thought they'd do. Hurting someone they never wanted to hurt. Saying things they never thought they'd say. Loving someone they thought they couldn't love. Forever changing, for the good and for the bad. And there comes a time in life, when the people that have been a part of may choose go. Sometime's they find their way back to you, and sometime's they don't ever look back. What's to be done about it? Nothing. You cherish what was, you don't worry about what will be and you accept what IS.

"And then we were strangers. . ." G. Miller