Jenn's Reverie
Monday, June 23, 2008
I Want a Lover I Don't Have to Love
So I always seem to be confronted with the quesion, "Don't you get lonely?" And unless I'm feeling like a smartass my answer is usually something like 'just because you're alone, doesn't mean you have to be lonely.' I have now been single for about 7 years and had one short lived relationship in-between. And I can't tell you just how much I love it. I admire couples that are in love and it brings a smile to my face when they're being all cute and cuddly and all that other gay stuff, but I'm totally okay not having that. Because lemme tell you, when I see a couple fighting it triggers something in me that is just like 'oh hell no!' I would not deal with that. It seems like 95% of the time when a couple is fighting it's about the stupidest smallest shit ever and I just do not have the patience to deal with that and I smile then and tell myself I love being single.
One of the deal breakers for me is jealousy. Jealousy and I don't play well. I mean, we all get jealous, but gahdamnit, control that shit. Don't freak out because some guy looks at your girl. Smile because you're the one with her and it's a reminder that she's got something to look at. Don't freak out because your guy notices a girl, sorry to bust your bubble, but you aren't the only pretty girl on the planet. Hell, I point them out. I'll be like "damn, son! Did you see her?" It only makes it less uncomfortable for him to look. Then give him a kiss and let him know you're cool. And WHY oh why do guys think that if girls don't act on their jealousy it means they don't care? I don't care if all the hot waitresses at Hooters or The Library know you. I'm not gonna hang all up on you to let them know you're with me or I'm with you. That's YOUR job, thankyouverymuch.
Oh, and I don't think "planning" to be with someone is a good idea either. Like, "Hey, OMG let's be boyfriend and girlfriend!" Umm, no. That just happens. Like one day you realize that you just don't want to see anyone else and it doesn't feel right. And that's when you know.
Anyhow, I'm rambling (how unusual, I know) and I was just thinking, when it's supposed to happen, it will. So to those who are always telling me how they're lonely and sad, go slit your wrist. I KID! I KID!! Dude, quit focusing on it and have fun with your friends, family, with LIFE. Think about it, no one to answer to, no one to question you, you can leave the state when you want and do what you want while you're gone and then go home and do what you want there, too, talk to all the boys/girls you your little heart desires and all kinds of shnazzy stuff. If that makes me selfish, well then so be it, I admit it, I am selfish.
P.S. The title of my blog is a song by Bright Eyes that's the bees knees. Go get it.
One of the deal breakers for me is jealousy. Jealousy and I don't play well. I mean, we all get jealous, but gahdamnit, control that shit. Don't freak out because some guy looks at your girl. Smile because you're the one with her and it's a reminder that she's got something to look at. Don't freak out because your guy notices a girl, sorry to bust your bubble, but you aren't the only pretty girl on the planet. Hell, I point them out. I'll be like "damn, son! Did you see her?" It only makes it less uncomfortable for him to look. Then give him a kiss and let him know you're cool. And WHY oh why do guys think that if girls don't act on their jealousy it means they don't care? I don't care if all the hot waitresses at Hooters or The Library know you. I'm not gonna hang all up on you to let them know you're with me or I'm with you. That's YOUR job, thankyouverymuch.
Oh, and I don't think "planning" to be with someone is a good idea either. Like, "Hey, OMG let's be boyfriend and girlfriend!" Umm, no. That just happens. Like one day you realize that you just don't want to see anyone else and it doesn't feel right. And that's when you know.
Anyhow, I'm rambling (how unusual, I know) and I was just thinking, when it's supposed to happen, it will. So to those who are always telling me how they're lonely and sad, go slit your wrist. I KID! I KID!! Dude, quit focusing on it and have fun with your friends, family, with LIFE. Think about it, no one to answer to, no one to question you, you can leave the state when you want and do what you want while you're gone and then go home and do what you want there, too, talk to all the boys/girls you your little heart desires and all kinds of shnazzy stuff. If that makes me selfish, well then so be it, I admit it, I am selfish.
P.S. The title of my blog is a song by Bright Eyes that's the bees knees. Go get it.
posted by Jenn Doll at 11:44 PM
13 Comments:
The worst fight I ever got in with my wife, when she was my girlfriend, was over a guy she was dancing with while I was on stage playing my guitar and couldn't move to intervene. He was rubbing it in my face and she was oblivious to my, shall we say, concerns. It was almost a deal breaker. I've never felt so damn ugly in my entire life. My insides felt like hot tar. We drove a hundred miles home that night in dead silence, me driving and her staring out the passenger window. It was awful. If I had been a more confident man, I would have simply smiled at him and told him to eat his heart out. His name was Travis, and we still bring his name up and share an uncomfortable laugh. If there is one thing I could change about myself, it would be my propensity for jealousy.
that is so true, Jenn. Until I met my wife, I loved the single life. If I hadn't had such a strong connection with her, I'd still be single, I'm quite sure of it. :D
First of all I know you already know what I think about all this stuff because you and I have had long talks about it before....
But youre right It shouldnt be a planned hey lets say we are together and then be that way thing. Thats BS...and stupid and if you have to do it that way, your already screwed.
Secondly I agree about the jealousy thing. Either hes yours or hes not..and if hes not acting all territorial about it changes nothing!
Thirdly...I agree completely, being alone and being lonely are two very differnt things. And if you cant be comfortable being alone with yourself..It wont matter who you are in a realtionship with, it wont ever be enough.
Having said that, Im a romantic at heart. AND I hope that some day I find "the one". Because I want to have that feeling...that your heart pounds when you see him across the room. That when you look into his eyes, you see his desire for you and you alone. And when he smiles at you...You know exactly what it means because you share that special language that only the two of you know.
So yeah...I want that. And if I cant have it...Ill stay single because Im not going to settle for less.
I could copy & paste this post. Thanks for explaining it to the world so hopefully a few minds will open up. I saw a tee shirt today that read something like,
People who refuse to dream will be the ones who want to ruin your dreams.
I butchered that, but I think it's the same thing. They need to feel validated by suffering through all of their fighting and compromising & want everyone they know to be in the same miserable boat.
I'm open to the idea of mushy love & all that crap, but I am fine without it, too. I like the even Steven nature of singleness rather than the roller coasters of way too many relationships out there.
Love the new look...it's hot.
Funny how life works sometimes...the minute you stop looking is usually when you find something.
Nice to see you rambling again. A sign of genius.
Nice new look, too.
Scott, at least you know that now. I mean, you learned from it. Too many times people don't realize that acting on their jealousy is pointless. Most of the time I take it as a compliment. And she obviously didn't think it wrong and was secure in your relationship or she'd not have danced with him in the first place. It was obviously innocent to her. Just a dance as she could not dance with you. It's cool how you remember it and it was long ago. I'm sure it has helped you not react in that way with other instances.
Goody, that is right. The connection just has to be there. I've learned that trying to make one is usually never gonna work.
Adrian, such vulgar language! :p
Jen, that is the attitude. There is nothing wrong with wanting that so long as it's not holding you back from living life until you get it. Too many times I see people live in misery because they don't have someone and then they're there forgetting the people who they DO have.
Rat, you and me, we's like peas 'n carrots. Totally on the same page!
Phoenix, thanks! I wasn't sure if the layout would work. And yeah, it seems like when you're not looking is when it's all around you! It's nucking futs!
Fred, thank you, too! And that's JENIUS. :p
You know, I have been trying to restrain my happiness of you being back for fear of it being short lived again. I was on the east coast last week, and I got together with Pud. i was talking to her about bloggers I miss & yours was the first named I mentioned. I was so happy to come back & see your comments & posts. I really am excited you're back!
I even have the carrot to prove it.
And unless I'm feeling like a smartass my answer is usually something like 'just because you're alone, doesn't mean you have to be lonely.'
Oh, please do say that. People who think you have to be in a relationship to be fulfilled get on my nerves.
Thanks, Jen. I felt compelled to second what Zombie just said. Anyone that thinks fulfillment comes from another person is doomed to fail. I met my wife when I finally had become comfortable living alone. I can't say I was never lonely, but I knew the answer was inside.
Thank goodness you are back. The race is on to see if you or Alice will post next.
Good words.
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