Jenn's Reverie
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Can't Look Into His Eyes, He's Out Of My League
Is there really such a thing as someone being out of someone's league? You know, the Cinderella story. People have told me, though after the fact, that I was out of their (ex's) league. First, I'm sure this is one of those things someone say's to make you feel better. Second, is this saying that I am "better" than them? I'd be lying if I said I didn't think that there are these so-called "leagues." There's been many a times when I've met a guy and think he's out of my league. Be it physically, mentally and/or financially.
Anyhow, I remember once my friend and I went out with her at the time boyfriend and his brother. His brother was definitely a good looking guy. We went out, partied, danced and had an overall good time. When we got back to my friend's apartment, he (the brother) took off his shirt to change, and Good Lord! Guy was sliced, diced and everything nice! Just like the underwear model guys, tan was kicking and natural and just wow! At that moment, I thought, 'he's out of my league.' I thought he belonged with some Carmen Elektra looking girl that was in shape like he was. We ended up hooking up, but for the longest time I felt so damn insecure. In the end, he was just fine with me. Though, 'til this day I don't know why. We even ended up seeing each other for quite a while. He was a military guy who lived in Tucson, AZ. He'd come out and stay for days at a time and I even made my way out there to visit.
I'd like to think that there's no one better and at the same time there's always better. That theory in itself is what keeps me from acting on that messed up emotion we call jealousy. Note that I didn't say I don't get jealous, I said that I don't act on it. Not usually anyway. (We'll save the jealousy topic for a later time.) I think about those shows on like Maury Povich that have those "different" couples. I'm not sure what they title them, but you have say a midget man with some seven-foot woman, or some hardcore rocker girl with some Abercrombie and Fitch guy, you get the gist of it. I admire those couples for not caring what people think and not feeling above the other. So, I guess the question at hand is, is feeling like someone is out of your league simply insecurity? Or are there people who are really out of your league?
30 Comments:
I believe it's all due to insecurities. Think about the core question that comes up once you've decided someone's "out of your league:"
"What could he/she possibly want from someone like me?"
Which, of course, implies a belief that you have little to offer.
It's tough getting over insecurities and self-esteem issues, of course. And some people are pretty damn intimidating as well.
I mean, if I saw a bombshell at some club or something, I think to myself, "this woman can have whoever she wants," and more often than not it's the truth. The ease of getting whatever you want I think makes people more superficial and less likely to work at getting someone/something particularly worthwhile.
I mean, they may not be bad people, but why put in the effort when you don't have to. If you're hotter than hot, the goodness will come to you without you having to go after it.
Now we get into forms of attraction. There is the obvious physical attraction that someone has, but there is also charisma. And charisma can go a loooong fuckin' way. Being a charismatic person, I'd say, makes you superior to someone who is simply good looking and nothing more. It's has a more powerful appeal than simple good looks.
So, I know I trialed off, I guess what I mean to say is that with a decent amount of self-confidence and a strong self-esteem, you won't have to contend with leagues anymore...people may even say that you are out of their league. ;p
you definitely play at a different level than i do....
as to the questions you left us with, many a man would tell you the best move they ever made was "marrying up." Some of her qualitites can rub off on us, we can learn others by being in such proximity and it can make us look better to be with someone "better" (the old "i don't know what she sees in him, but there must be something there...").
insecurity is too easy an answer for this, i think. the categories you mention that put people out of our league are all ones that illustrate differences between people. while opposites attract, they also can make communication very difficult.
it's funny becuz back in my clown days, there were so many instances of thinking she was out of reach. 25 years after high school i had dinner with a woman that i had gone to school with. we had re-connected through work/relative/friend connections and that group went to dinner. nancy is a couple years older than i am, and i remember her and her friends very fondly from those days (if you catch my drift). she told me that if i had not been afraid to reach to those i considered out of my league, my high school days (nights?) would have been much different ;-P
so then, yes there are people that are out of my league. but insecurity makes that number seem much bigger than it is. the only way to know for sure it to try.
oh yeah, about that different level thing? you're playing way above me - outta my league.
In short term flings the "league" thing can be dispensed with for the sake of convenience. A well monied person might get with a hood rate (or 10) for the pupose of dalliance. But studies show that couples do tend to pair up (long term relationship or marriage) according to approximate education levels and earning power. What's more the studies further show that they pair up appromatlely even in the looks factor as well.
The excpetions to the rule that do occur tend to stick out in our minds precisely for that reason, because they are exceptions.
I wish I could remember where I read that. But rest assured I did read it.
I wouldn't worry about leagues if I were you. It is really easy to get caught up in the thought of someone being two good for us, or you for them etc etc.
Issue is, that comment usually comes from without. The cover of the book. Dude was cut up, underwear model and so forth. What is always missed, is the writing that is inside the cover.
What is more important in a long term relationship? The looks of someone? Or the substance of the person?
I have dated some beautiful, exquisite looking, vacant as hell women with nothing much of weight to say in my life. Would I rather be with the lingerie model, or the woman whom I am attracted to that maybe doesn't have a contract with Ford Modeling in their future? (The answer is #2)
Looks are key, but out of our league is a ridiculous question. For the short term? Fuck it. go for it, enjoy the model type and don't worry about it. In the long term? Fuck it. If they are a person worth being with, looks won't matter, because they will only have eyes for you.
well i got lost in the first paragraph but hey, pink shoes makes it all alright.
We all know insecurity is fear. Doubt we have of ourselves and use as an excuse not to make the next step. Sometimes fear is good. In relationships I beg to differ. Fear has been the thorn in my life regarding matters of the heart. I cant imagine there being someone out of anyones league. Thats because I beleive love is blind and impossible to prevent or control. In my case Ive been in love with the same person for years and they dont even have a clue. Insecurity is not the issue though Its always my excuse. Fear is the issue. Not "what if Im not good enough" More like What if they dont feel the same.. Where does that leave me? Thats not insecurity thats old fashioned fear of the unknown because like everything else in life love is 50/50 Sometimes you find your One person that completes your existence and you get to spend the rest of your life with them, Sometimes you go your whole life so into yourself you never meet your one, and Sometimes you meet your one but fear of the unknown prevents you from being able to say nothing more than I know who my one person is but she will never be mine because I was too afraid to step up and swing.
So no I dont think theres such a thing as people being out of peoples leagues. I think if your in a situation like that either A)Your Heart is not into it so insecurites is an excuse you subconciously use or B) You heart is into it but your too afraid to findout if theirs is. Because if they dont feel the same that would be to much to bare.
Well trust me.. I would rather kwow they didnt feel the same then live like a coward. Im sick of being a coward. So if your feeling insecure ask yourself what are you really afraid of. Then youll find your answer.
Just my thoughts. You dont have to agree.. just think about it.
Hey anonymous shouldn't you be abusing some alcohol right about now? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!! I'm the devil!!!
Mexi, you douche.
Anonymous, I DO agree. Very well said.
Though, I'm not having issues. I heard lyrics to a song and just thought about this.
I'm insecure enough to think that every woman is out of my league, even the ones that have told me they loved me; which I can count on one hand.
We are SOOO out of each other's leagues.
Phelps, but you love me. That's all that matters.
And hey, since we're on topic, what MAKES us out of eachother's league other than the fact that I'm far cooler than you?
You're too good looking for me (except for all the jabbies and doodles) and I'm too smart for you.
Nobody is out of your league unless you choose to play down. Nuf said.
-- david
Phelps, I'm not too good looking for anyone and the only thing that could come out of someone being smarter than me is me learning from them.
And you know deep inside you love my jabbies and doodles!
OH, and thank you. I think. I'm not sure if you're saying I'm pretty or saying I'm dumb or both. So yeah.
Insecurity & shallowness.
The only "leagues" are the limitations and boundaries we put on ourselves and each other.
I think as long as self perception is true and healthy, you'll find your way in the world just fine.
There are those that have a low opinion of themselves, and there are idiots who think they are way better than they really are, however.
If you know who you really are, leagues don't exist (until you feel insecure momentarily as you did).
Insecurity.
I will be at the Irish Pub in 1 hour 10 minutes (10 a.m. Eastern time) drinking pint after pint. At a certain stage the concept of "league" will cease to exist. There will be only drunken women flashing boobies!
Yes. Leagues are important. There are the little and minor leagues (which could get you jail time) and majors. I have felt that people were out of my league before although I would date them and find out they were in my league because they were mentally ill (which dropped them out of the majors just like a pitcher with a rotator cuff injury.)
so jenn, do you think he called you "pretty dumb"?
i would have to disagree. you're one smart...lady.
i am convinced you know what you are doing nearly all of the time.
i've given up on the leauge thing. thinking in terms of leagues betrays you eventually.
while you think some girls are out of your leauge, soon you start thinking that you are out of other's leauges. its a bad way to think.
i'm going to sleep, this conversation is out of my leauge.
everyone's in my league cuz i'm fully stocked with ghb.
Yeah, I think people are out of my league becuase they are. Who wants a 6'4" 346 pound lady to show off? Therefore I only get my jollies on with men who weigh more than me. Insecure? Maybe. But I'm just looking out for their safety when we're making babies. I'm too young to go to jail for suffocating a man, even if it was an accident.
Jenn, you're a beautiful intelligent creature and as such, you're out of my league. If I were half my age, you'd still be out of my league. Take care!!
It's all about insecurities and attitude. Oh, and thinking about things too much rather than just acting on an instinct, that's where many complications arise.
Then again this is coming from someone who has dated two women in his life.
JUST THE COMMENT POLICE MAKING SURE YOUR STREETS ARE CLEAR OF ANY DERELICTS... SORRY TO INCONVENIENCE YOU...HEY YOU WITH THE SKI MASK!
I'M WATCHING YOU!
-COMMNET POLICE
I believe some people are in different leagues than others.
I know that sounds terribly arrogant, but people aren't all the same. Charles Manson is not
in the same league as someone who
risks his life to save someone else from drowning in an icy river.
I think it's fair to judge people by kindness, but maybe it isn't fair to judge them the way we tend to ;)
Jealously is such an evil emotion, and I am totally susceptible. Of course there are leagues, of which we cannot ignore, but it's really too bad that such a system exists.
I would have left a comment on your current thread, but since it was about such a serious topic, I didn't think it appropriate. But I am looking for comments today about high school experiences, so please take a look at my posting today. And if you would pass others along to do the same I would appreciate it. I have a project underway, if I will be ambitious enough, and I need inspiration. And where better to get it than from the myriad people in blog land.
Really funny you should write this.
I'm not a good-looking guy. I'm actually very plain. But it actually helps more than it hurts. I'll explain.
With cute guys, even hot chicks have their guard up a little. I've always played like I was just some friendly guy, but not really interested in them. They'd see me, think nothing of me, other than I'm interesting to talk to and easy to get along with.
Soon, we'd hang out. I'd pretend not to be interested in that way. Then they'll loosen up around me. I'll pretend not to notice.
Then I'll make a pass at one of their friends intentionally, and make sure they'll notice. That's when she makes her move on me.
Weird thing is, that stupid, childish game works almost every time. I'm no psychologist, so I can't explain why it works. I'm just saying it does.
Oh, and yes there are leagues. But for some reason, that thing I used to do works with someone out of my league too.
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