Jenn's Reverie
Thursday, December 02, 2004
You Know You're From New Mexico When. . . .
You buy salsa by the gallon. Haven't done this in a while. But it's cheaper that way.
You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago. Why register your car when you have "connections" all over?
Your favorite restaurant has a chile list instead of a wine list. Hell yeah!
Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags". Luminarias are beautiful! They even have a parade of Luminarias.
Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los". That only applies to all the family owned businesses. I'm NOT Mexican, bitches.
You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco. That's when it was truly a tourist attraction. Ah, the memories.
You hated Texans until the Californians moved in. I never hated Texans. Maybe this was the generations before me. But damnit all to hell, all of California is moving here. And the worst part is they brag and think they're "better" because they're from there. Well then why the fuck did you move out here? PS I love California.
The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car. I thought the slow leak in my tire was a nail. It's just so bald that it is kinda torn on the inside. That goes for both front tires. But they still work.
You price-shop for tortillas. That's only because grandma's don't want to make them anymore. If your grandma still makes tortillas, you are blessed.
You have an extra freezer just for green chile. Grandma's had hers for years! We were gonna buy one this year but didn't because we didn't know where to put it. So now there's no room in the freezer for any other freezer foods.
You think a red light is merely a suggestion. I always stop!
You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness. For real, these damn New Mexican's do. When I use mine they laugh.
You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn. I love the lava rock in my front yard. You don't have to water it either!
You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane. I think they should take away your license after 65.
You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers. If you're going to go to see naked girls damn go to TD's. Have some freakin' pride.
You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business. This has given me better driving skills. Weaving in and out of them at high speeds is fun too!
You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state. The population is like 50 people.
You are afraid to drive through Mora and Espanola. God, can you get any more ghetto?!
You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales. I'm STILL mad that they took that away. But I did learn that Walgreens has some pretty good deals.
Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the state pen. Yes my son's grandpa and uncle are in jail. And yes I work for the cops. So what?
You know whether you want "red or green." You've NEVER had real chili 'til you've tried ours. Mmmm, Bobs Burgers.
You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque. I'll give you $5 bucks if you can.
You can order your Big Mac with green chile. I don't like Big Mac's. But the green chili cheese burgers are pretty good.
You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English. Spanglish. I used love it when grandpa used to do that. Grandma still does.
You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam's or Home Depot. If not a cousin, 100% guarantee someone you know.
A package of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread. You don't need to write it on your shopping list; it's a given. Who needs a spoon when you have a tortilla? And I don't know what else you'd eat chili with.
Prosperity can be readily determined by the number of horses you own. My neighbor has lots of money for her age. She has 2 horses and drives a Jag.
A tarantula on your porch is ordinary. A scorpion in your tub is ordinary. A poisonous centipede on your ceiling? Ordinary. A black widow crawling across your bed is terribly, terribly common. A rattlesnake is an occasional hiking hazard. No need to freak out. Centipede on my ceiling. Those little fuckers are in the house. I go retarded when I see one. So we take it upon ourselves not to see one. We have the exterminator there once a month. Sometimes twice. Daddy long legs I can deal with. I don't have problems with the rest, I live in the city.
You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago. Why register your car when you have "connections" all over?
Your favorite restaurant has a chile list instead of a wine list. Hell yeah!
Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags". Luminarias are beautiful! They even have a parade of Luminarias.
Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los". That only applies to all the family owned businesses. I'm NOT Mexican, bitches.
You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco. That's when it was truly a tourist attraction. Ah, the memories.
You hated Texans until the Californians moved in. I never hated Texans. Maybe this was the generations before me. But damnit all to hell, all of California is moving here. And the worst part is they brag and think they're "better" because they're from there. Well then why the fuck did you move out here? PS I love California.
The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car. I thought the slow leak in my tire was a nail. It's just so bald that it is kinda torn on the inside. That goes for both front tires. But they still work.
You price-shop for tortillas. That's only because grandma's don't want to make them anymore. If your grandma still makes tortillas, you are blessed.
You have an extra freezer just for green chile. Grandma's had hers for years! We were gonna buy one this year but didn't because we didn't know where to put it. So now there's no room in the freezer for any other freezer foods.
You think a red light is merely a suggestion. I always stop!
You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness. For real, these damn New Mexican's do. When I use mine they laugh.
You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn. I love the lava rock in my front yard. You don't have to water it either!
You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane. I think they should take away your license after 65.
You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers. If you're going to go to see naked girls damn go to TD's. Have some freakin' pride.
You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business. This has given me better driving skills. Weaving in and out of them at high speeds is fun too!
You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state. The population is like 50 people.
You are afraid to drive through Mora and Espanola. God, can you get any more ghetto?!
You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales. I'm STILL mad that they took that away. But I did learn that Walgreens has some pretty good deals.
Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the state pen. Yes my son's grandpa and uncle are in jail. And yes I work for the cops. So what?
You know whether you want "red or green." You've NEVER had real chili 'til you've tried ours. Mmmm, Bobs Burgers.
You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque. I'll give you $5 bucks if you can.
You can order your Big Mac with green chile. I don't like Big Mac's. But the green chili cheese burgers are pretty good.
You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English. Spanglish. I used love it when grandpa used to do that. Grandma still does.
You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam's or Home Depot. If not a cousin, 100% guarantee someone you know.
A package of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread. You don't need to write it on your shopping list; it's a given. Who needs a spoon when you have a tortilla? And I don't know what else you'd eat chili with.
Prosperity can be readily determined by the number of horses you own. My neighbor has lots of money for her age. She has 2 horses and drives a Jag.
A tarantula on your porch is ordinary. A scorpion in your tub is ordinary. A poisonous centipede on your ceiling? Ordinary. A black widow crawling across your bed is terribly, terribly common. A rattlesnake is an occasional hiking hazard. No need to freak out. Centipede on my ceiling. Those little fuckers are in the house. I go retarded when I see one. So we take it upon ourselves not to see one. We have the exterminator there once a month. Sometimes twice. Daddy long legs I can deal with. I don't have problems with the rest, I live in the city.
These were really fun. Most of them apply to a lot of the little cities outside of Albuquerque. But still, they're funny. Thanks for finding this Katie! I'm not Mexican damnit. I am Hispanic/Chicana/Latina. I'm not nor have I ever been damn illegal. I read the "You know you're from California when. . ." that shit had me busting up! You don't even have to answer them to laugh. Click here you Californian's.
posted by Jenn Doll at 3:16 AM
1 Comments:
Haha, you crazy New Mexicans. I always want to ask my mom what my uncle's old address was when he lived in Albuquerque to see if he lived near you, but I always forget. I could never eat that hot chili and peppers. I am one gigantic pansy when it comes to hot food. I can't handle it at all, so I don't think I could roll with you Hispanics.
Luminarias are pretty, I remember my uncle having those!
What the hell are orange barrels? Something for road construction or something?
Jenn, please just admit you are Mexican already. If the rest of your state can admit it, then get with it and admit it to yourself. No more of this hspanic/chicana/latino shit, ok?
Oh, and in my blog, you asked what the chairs in the street are for. Whenever we get a big snow storm and people don't have a driveway, they have to park on the street (obviously). So they have to shovel all that snow so they can be able to park there, and when they're done shoveling, they put a chair or something like that there, to reserve their space so no one else takes it. Everyone knows you can't take their spot if something is there reserving it. We don't have to do that at my house cause we have a driveway. So there's your explanation you crazy New Mexican!
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