Jenn's Reverie

So, it hasn't gotten any better. It's gotten worse. I thought, hey, it's just something in the air that has ex's calling. Well, if that's the case, it's STILL in the air and only getting stronger. Sometime's I wonder if they all know each other and think it'd be funny if they all called. It started with Elias. I was visiting with Paul, Bridget and Audra one day. We were all at Paul's house. We had just started eating dinner when there was knock at the door. I looked up and said, "That's Elias." When he walked in, Audra looked at me and said, "How did you know that?!" I had no clue, I just knew. None of us had talked to Elias in a long time, so that was even more strange. So anyhow, we didn't really talk much, we ate, watched a movie, then I left for work. A few days later he calls. Does the, "It was weird to see you. It was hard to look at you." I ask why, and he say's, "I don't know, it just was." Alrighty then! He starts telling me how I used to drive him crazy when we'd party and shoots down memory lane. I'm not adding much to it, because quite frankly, I don't like doing memory lane with an ex. I don't mind it with friends or if the ex doesn't like me anymore. Elias and I were friends after, but he still acts crazy sometimes, so I avoided the friend thing for the most part. Anyhow, a few days later we went to a movie, Ladder 49. It was nice. He didn't do memory lane, he didn't bug. We went as friends, and just that. I missed that with him. BUT, I don't remember exactly when, but it was in the past week or so, he called and started with the, "Why's." Oh no. Not going there. But he admitted to being really jealous when we were seeing each other. I told him, it was about time. But that didn't mean anything for us. Fix your jealousy, and you'll find someone. That someone isn't me sweetie, hence why you're an ex. Anyhow, so he's been calling, a lot. But not bothering with the memory stuff, or the why's so it's okay. Okay, so then, on Friday, Adrian calls. Now he's not technically an ex, but someone I see. I guess you could say that. He doesn't even live in the same state. And we only talk when he's in town, but that's very rare. So I answer the phone and get, "Hey, I'm driving in to town. What are you doing tonight?" I had no plans, so I figured what the hell. So he tells me he'll call when he gets in. He comes over, we buy some beer and rent a movie. Not feeling it! Drank one beer each, and I passed out at the beginning of the movie. Woke up, asked him if he was staying the night, he said yes, so we went to bed. Still not feeling it. I didn't sleep too good because as I said, not feeling it. Why? I don't know, I just wasn't. He left early that morning 'cause he had to go get his daughter. I didn't even kiss him, other than a little peck the whole time. Just couldn't do it. So that same night, when we laying on the couch watching the movie, before I passed out of course, my phone rings. It's a number I don't recognize so I answer. The person on the other end is obviously buzzed, but I couldn't make out the voice. So I asked, "Who's this?" He say's, "What the fuck do you mean who's this?!" So I go back with, "I MEAN who the fuck IS this!? And don't talk to me that way, asshole." He say's, "It's Anthony. I'm sorry for talking to you like that. I just thought you'd know my voice. You always do." I told him, "Yeah, but you're buzzed and your tone is different." All the while Adrian is listening. That's rude, or something. So Anthony starts telling me how he ran in to my mom and one of my brother's. And asks, why not me. I'm not sure where the brief conversation even went, but he ended up saying, "It'll always be there." It will? For you babe, not for me. You're five years ago. I left you to get back with the loser Ross, remember? I just said, something like "Yeah, it will. I gotta go." So we finally hung up. Done and done. So then Saturday came and the ball was dropped on me. It went something like, Elias - "Go with me to a Halloween party." Adrian - "Let's go out tonight." Eugene aka Genie - "Am I gonna see you tonight. Let's do something it's Halloween. Remember that one time when. . ." Joe - "Are you gonna go with me to that party?" Anthony- "When am I gonna see you?" Elias, you know I work and no thanks. I don't feel like dealing with you freaking out and going into a jealous rage. Adrian, you only call when you're in town. It's understandable. But other than your six pack, man boobs and pretty face, we're just not on the same page. Genie, Mr. Player of the year. Sorry babe, in my game, strike three, you're out. Oh, and yeah, I remember when. Joe, I met you at a gas station. You approached me and your first words were, "you wanna got with me to a party tomorrow." My son was standing right next to me. You call the next day and say, "So you wanna go with me to that party." No, stupid. Learn how to approach a girl first. Practice on your mom or something. Anthony, it will always be there. The memory. Memory = past. Other than your gorgeous eyes, and good looks, you have zero to offer me. CAN I GET SOME MENTAL STIMUALTION PLEASE?! Sonofabitch. Can someone call me besides some guy I USED to see. Well, Adrian isn't a used to see, but I kinda want him to be. I don't know, but I'm just not feeling any of these assrammers. Maybe it's me? Well, I analyzed each situation and it's not. Anthony treated me like Princess, but I left him to get back with Ross. Even if that wasn't the case, he didn't work, he didn't graduate, etc. Elias, we're great friends, but his life revolves around being with someone. He's in love with being in love. And that's fine, but if he could control it. He falls for just about every girl he dates, and always tries to come back to me. I think that has to do with us being friends, but it sucks. I'm done giving him advice. Adrian is a cool guy, but it's just not there. Other than physical attraction, that is. He's not dumb, and he's military and has a good job, but again, there's just no sparks. Genie, he's just for a good time. And I don't mean it that way. He's fun to party with, nonetheless. He also has zero to offer. Other than his great height and Jeckyl and Hyde personality. So anyway, Saturday was a trip. Audra was with me and was like, "What the hell?!" Then again, so was I. Change my number? I would, but it has my name and it makes me cool or something. Plus, I'm not calling everyone and their mom to tell them my new number. Including hospitals and school and stuff for my son. So no! I guess I'll have to stop answering unknown or blocked numbers. I can't though! You never know who it could be! Oh yeah, Ross called too. Not for me of course, for Damian. You know, how he does on holiday's. Not birthday's, just holiday's. Maybe I'm just too nice? Maybe I need to just be like NO? But I like them being my friends, I do. They're all good and fun people. Why do they have to do the "Remember when's.," or the "why's?" That only sets us up for argument or wanting to "try" something. I don't want to try, I already did. Just be my friend damnit! I won't be cutting any of them off, except Joe that is. They'll remain my friends. I can call them when I'm in trouble as they could me. I guess that whole, "I can rely on you" thing is what keeps us friends. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I just went. I guess I just want to desire someone both mentally and physically. So until next time. . .



.Somewhere deep down, where souls and real feelings dwell, know that I am surrendering