Jenn's Reverie

Damian's birthday party went good. A lot of people didn't show because it was really last minute, but there was still quite a few. Lots of happy little rug rats having fun, which made me enjoy my time. The sperm donor didn't show. I called his mom before the party and she said she was going to be there. I asked if Ross was going and she said, "no, he said you told him not to." I usually try to explain myself to her, but instead I just said, "I didn't say that, but whatever." So then I had Damian call him and thank him for showing his love. He called me back and I didn't answer. He left a message with some jibberish and blah blah hibbidy hoo blah's, trying to say I'm a little girl. Yeah! 'Cause he's a man! Watch out there big boy! So I just sent him a text saying, "Haha, go to hell loser. You have your two sons [their son and her's] there with you. Now leave US alone." And I never told him not to go. After our last conversation when he said he wanted to do nothing for Damian's birthday, two day's later Damian was at the birthday party of her son. Not the son her and Ross have together either. So Ross managed to throw a party for someone else's kid. So when I heard I sent him a text saying, "You say you don't want to have a birthday party for Damian? But you have one for Isaiah? Damian WILL have a party! And YOU don't have to be there thanks." But whatever. Anyhow, he got some cool gifts. My grandma [his great] took him and got his hair cut so he could look so fresh 'n so clean. [Again, because the sperm donor won't cut his hair, but he'll cut his gf's son.] He got an oversized SpiderMan ball, some suave boots and a tight Fila jacket. He got a remote control airplane, a huge super soaker, a HUGE TransFormer (eat your heart out Andrew), the movie Bruce Almighty, some cash and a broken hand! Yup, a broken hand. Earlier that day he was at my grandma's and I guess he was trying to climb a fence and fell. He caught all his weight on his left hand. I wasn't with him, but my mom had called and told me. Damian will cry when he hurts himself but he gets over it quick. She said he had complained about it hurting. When he got home it was kind of swallon so I gave him some Motrin and wrapped it. He didn't complain about any further pain, not even at his birthday party. He was able to move it and it didn't look worse at the end of the day, so I thought I'd wait to see how it was in the morning. Well, it was fatter and bruised. He said it didn't really hurt him though. But I took him in to be seen. X-ray's showed that he had broken it in two places. Right above the wrist. So in the morning we're off to the hand specialist. They can't do much at the Urgent Care for these things. But they put him in a splint and a sling. Naturally, as kids are, he was like "Cool!" As was his new little friend Lorenzo that was with us. So his actual birthday is Wednesday and he'll be in a cast. Eeeh boys! I'm just glad it wasn't too bad. It could have been worse. He's my little soldier. I love him so much! Ross FINALLY called to see how he was. I didn't tell him he had been hurt, so I guess his mom did because she saw it at the party. I also didn't tell him that it was broken. But his mom again had called to check on him so I let her know. None of Ross's side of the family showed to the party either. Which is VERY strange. But come to find out, they're having Ross's baby baptized this coming weekend, so I can guarantee they're going to have a double celebration. Which they know I hate. For the simple fact that I want Damian to be raised with the love he already has so much of. With moral and value. Not, "Mom and dad can't get along for me." Or, "I have to have separate parties because people are hateful." But Ross is making this very difficult for me to do. He can really break my spirit. But then I look and Damian, and I see that he's such a happy, smart, loving, and caring soul, at just the age of almost 6. He's stronger then even Ross is. He feels the tension, he sees the harshness of it, but still he remains positive and high spirited. So, in the end Ross will have to answer because Damian will know. I just hope that Damian doesn't learn his value's of being a man, a father and a role model for his children from Ross. I hope that he looks for the postive, in every situation, no matter what it may be. I hope that he respects people for who and what they are. That he sees the glass as half full instead of half empty. That one day, Ross will look back and hurt for the pain he's caused. I know that there's always room for change and forgiveness. I'm tired of forgiving, but I have to for Damian. As for the change, I can only pray that it'll come soon or at all. Life's too short and there's just not enough time for me to waste it dwelling on the fact that Ross isn't the father he can be. So I'll just remember, Damian is fine with me and those that surrond him with love. I gave him life and I'll help carry him through it. . .

It's funny how they say some things never change. . .